Women Are Usually the Choosers

In a popular Chinese reality show, a male contestant stands in front of 24 high-quality women to fight for their love. Through a series of questions, conversations, and introduction videos, the women get to know the guy in a matter of half-hour. If interested, they’ll keep their lights on till the very end. But the success rate just eats away at me. Most girls never give these guys a chance despite most of them being handsome, successful, and interesting. So what the hell do these women want?

They even filmed a season where they switched gender positions with a woman fighting for 24 guy’s attention. The women, though, always drew a swarm of admirers. This made me scratch my head. Why do I, a guy, always feel like it’s up to the girl to decide whether or not we move forward in a relationship?

Obviously, this dynamic varies between different cultures. How successful or attractive you are obviously playing a huge part. But I know most of us feel like we’re in a passive position regarding mate selection. We’re usually the ones seeking consent from women and being cautious about messing up our game. If at some point they become disappointed, there won’t be the next date. Because as Megan Fox eloquently stated, it’s about the power of the vagina. Women ultimately determine the outcome because not only does the men to women ratio not go our favor, but we also feel obligated to give forbearance.

It may seem like women can’t directly go after who they want due to the social expectation for the man to take the lead. The female value drops if they make the first move. But Matthew Hussey’s Get The Guy explains women have always been the ones to initiate courtship through subtle hints. Even back many centuries ago, a woman will drop a handkerchief as they walk past a man they desire to cue him to approach. The gentleman who picks it up believes he’s the one picking when it’s the lady who chose him.

Women assess many more aspects than men do

Whether it’s status, money, confidence, emotional connection, sense of humor, or height, women take multiple aspects of a man into romantic consideration. Whereas a man instantly decides how they feel about a woman based on physical appearance.

Male does the choosing too, but it’s much quicker and simpler. If you don’t bypass our visual test, you’re out. This progress takes longer for females. When a man and a woman are out on a date, it means the man is already interested. The woman, however, could simply be observing. So we often get stuck waiting for the approval of women.

Both genders are switching roles

Men are becoming more domesticated than ever.

Women are becoming more independent than ever.

The traditional stay-home-wife who’s expected to serve and listen to her husband obediently is transitioning into all-around individuals. This balance shift has put women in the driver’s seat. Not only are they the ones with reproductive abilities but also bring home the bread.

We choose each other, but women do have the upper hand

Because women are the ones being pursued, they have the final say on whether a relationship should progress or not. Unless, of course, you’re Brad Pitt.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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