After Stephane Wahl experienced first-hand how amazing nurses are she knows that the men who do such work deserve nothing but respect.
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My six month old daughter, Meredith, had open heart surgery to correct a congenital defect when she was just 11 weeks old. While she was recovering, I lived at Akron Children’s Hospital. While I was there, I had the privilege of meeting some of the most amazing medical personnel. As tends to be the case with any hospital stay, the people I saw most were the nurses.
Words very nearly fail me when I try to describe how wonderful these nurses are. They treated Meredith like she was their own. Stroked her hair, held her hand, and even gave her a tiny bear to grip when she kept trying to pull out her tubes. They fed her, sang to her, bathed her. And all throughout, they treated each of these actions like they were lucky to be doing it. The nurses on the 6th floor (post-PICU recovery) even fought over who got to hold and feed her. Somehow, while doing all of this, monitoring her vitals, and coordinating her care, they also managed to be of amazing comfort to me. Mike had to go back to work a few days after the surgery, and while I did have a few visitors, I was on my own quite a bit during the day – watching her go through morphine withdrawal, holding her hand when her IV was reinserted, and generally trying not to break down into tears in the bathroom. Despite the fact that they were extremely busy, each nurse took the time to talk to me, tell me stories about their families, share parenting advice, and remind me that it was ok to go take a nap, or get some food – that I needed to take care of myself.
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While in this day and age I don’t think it should have to be something mentioned as a separate piece, two of her nurses were men. Lindsey was a soft-spoken Brit who doted on Meredith and calmed her with his soothing voice and demeanor. Jon was a spirited, funny, talkative guy whose good nature was infectious. Some of the moments that made me smile the most in the hospital happened while Jon was caring for Meredith. The first was when he tried to take her blood pressure, and she growled at him. He stroked her arm and held her hand, and got her relaxed for a good reading. The second was when her temperature had to be taken. While the 6th floor uses the temporal thermometers, the PICU uses rectal. The first time Jon tried to take her temperature, she decided it was a great time for a “poopa” as we call them in our house (there’s even a song about it for diaper changes – parents are silly people). He laughed, cleaned it up, and tried again. The second time, he said “You’re not going to poop on me, are you?” And Meredith, ever perfect with her timing, tooted.
Those are, of course, extremely tame examples of what the nurses dealt with. They also comforted Meredith through extreme pain, had to keep their cool while dealing with family of a young boy who had been horribly beaten by his mother’s boyfriend, help break up fights on the floor (you may or may not be surprised by how hot-tempered people can be when their kid is sick or hurt), and deal with more bodily fluids than a janitor in a bar. Even more remarkable, Lindsey and Jon did all of this while also having to put up with comments and jokes from insensitive people about being a “murse.” My friend Andy, who is a flight nurse with Cleveland Clinic’s Critical Care Transport program shared with me that being called “Fokker” after Ben Stiller’s character in “Meet the Parents” is common.
Andrew Warburton, RN, BSN, CCRN, NREMT is a well built, handsome, smart, worldly man with a great sense of humor and a penchant for grilling. In many ways a “man’s man”, he got into nursing after going through medic training with the United States Air Force. His compassionate nature gave him the desire to take care of people, and he was guided by his mentors in the field to a job that he loves. In his daily routine, he takes care of some of the sickest patients in the world while in environments that don’t offer the stability of a hospital, such as helicopters, jets, and ambulances. When I talked to him about this article, I asked what the hardest part of his job was. He replied that it is the fact that “we cannot save everyone’s life. We try our best every day to manage the sick and injured and we do very well, but ultimately, there is only so much we as clinicians can do to prolong the inevitable…you can do everything you have been trained to do and implement all the tools of the trade when someone is critically ill [but sometimes] despite all interventions known, the patient will not survive.” Commenting on those in the field, he says “If that understanding is mastered, which it was for me early in my career, any clinician can survive in the care of our patients. If it is not, however, [some]…will get burned out and may need to consider other specialties in the profession or a complete change in their occupation.”
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That, right there, is why I cannot begin to understand how nursing came to be known as a “soft” profession, or one that a man should be derided or ridiculed for taking. I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m very well aware that I could not handle the loss of a patient. The fact that I could do everything possible and still see that person die despite my efforts is one of many reasons I’m not cut out for nursing. In addition to demanding schedules, physical exertion, and the need to give attention and care to patients and families, nurses hold up under extreme pressure and emotional stress. It takes a person who is a special kind of tough to deal with that. In Andy’s words, “Nursing as a whole is not easy…EVER! It requires compassion, patience, mental toughness, thick skin, unselfishness, brains, wit, and a sense of humor. Nurses are not people to take lightly. They do [this job] because they care about human life and that is not a characteristic found among all members of society.”
The job is, however, mostly good, as Andy tells it. He lists as one of his best moments a recent situation when he was able to take action that expedited surgery for a critically ill child with a rare diagnosis. He works with some of the best medical personnel in the field, and has an opportunity to save lives and care for others on a daily basis. While the job can be dangerous (given the hazards of being in the air and on the roads), he wouldn’t be happy doing anything else. He is also lucky enough to have his beautiful fiancée, Molly, who is incredibly supportive of him and his career.
Compassion, strength, tenacity, and caring are not “girly” traits. They are human traits.
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All in all, no matter how I try, I can’t think of many others who I have such great respect, admiration, and gratitude for than nurses – all nurses. Compassion, strength, tenacity, and caring are not “girly” traits. They are human traits. And they are traits that not everyone could hold onto in the face of sickness and death.
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And it’s not only male nurses who face ridicule and scorn for their chosen professions. Male teachers – and especially those who teach the “early childhood” grades – come up against this type of prejudice frequently. I personally did not have a single male teacher before 5th grade. According to this article from 2008, less men are teaching at least in part due to the low status that is afforded male educators. Some say they don’t see the value in having male teachers, but for some young boys, teachers are the only decent role models in their lives. Boys with absentee or abusive fathers need someone to look up to and respect.
And while we’re on the subject of fathers, another role that gets scoffed at by men and women alike is the ever growing population of stay at home dads. Mike, if we were able to swing it, would absolutely be a stay at home dad. He’d be the guy in the park catching his daughter at the base of the slide, the baby-wearing daddy in the supermarket. While I have nothing but respect for stay at home dads, there are many who don’t see things that way. Expectations are low, and many think that if a man is staying home, it’s only because his wife makes more money – not because he’s a caring, nurturing father who wants to be there for his child. On one hand are moms who, possibly knowing that their husband wouldn’t be the best candidate for it, can’t conceive of a man being as caring and on top of things as they are. On the other are men who, probably unaware of how much full time caregivers do, think these men should get a “real job.” But I’m pretty sure there are CEOs out there (men and women alike) who couldn’t watch multiple children, keep a house, stay on top of schedules, etc without a secretary and office staff. Being a parent, while not a paid gig, is definitely a real job. And it takes a great deal of confidence and courage for a man to declare to the world that being a sweet, sensitive, doting daddy is what he wants to do with his time.
I could probably write a novel if I continued the list of roles that are in the same boat – social workers, guidance counselors, daycare workers – the list goes on. But while these jobs are quickly dismissed as “women’s work” (which, as was pointed out to me in a recent discussion, shouldn’t be something used to minimize a job anyway), they all require caring, compassion, tenacity, determination, and a thick skin. They are skilled professions that take hard work – just as much as any “manly” job, whatever those may be. Maybe it’s time to stop caring so much about a person’s gender, and start caring more about the good they’re doing in the world.
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Image: COM SALUD/Flickr
I spent 9 hours in the ER being pumped with antibiotics. I had both male and female nurses and they were all GREAT. Having the medical issues I have, I’ve spent a lot of time in hospitals, generally cardiac care and nurses are the front line people who make all the difference in the world. Great people who are definitely under-recognized.
Amen, Tom! I loved all of Meredith’s nurses after her surgery, and I’ve had some amazing ones with my health issues as well. Thank you for sharing.