When achieving the next level is easy, boys aren’t motivated to succeed in real life.
I think we still believe that ambition is for boys. —Jeanette Winterson
Boys are amazing things. They’re energetic, excited, explorative,curious, and just plain mad. The parents continue to make them. I’m fairly glad that they still do, because I am a boy myself. Been raised a boy for over 19 years. I’m rather proud of it. The games, the imagining and the books. Oh, the books. I loved reading stories of heroes and villains, of good versus evil. But a change has happened in the last 40-70 years.
Boys have had a new style of living handed to them; one of having all their needs taken care of, and of being able to enter fantasy worlds with little to no hassle. They have little conflict, little problem, little to drive them. Now, I do understand that so many kids are hassled, one way or another, and have to fight it out. I completely respect that. I’m suggesting that many of these boys may not have the drive to push them “to the next level.” They aren’t developing ambition.
Sociologists have been describing this problem as a “Peter Pan Syndrome.” Boys are raised through high school, but then find themselves in situations where they have to grow up, take on responsibility, and become men. But this is hard. Why?
The Book of Man author William J. Bennett sees the issue in how people aren’t focused on the correct things. The culture has had a universal decline in its ambitions. Media presents men’s outward goals as things of honor and prestige, like saving the world, finding joy, and having great sex. These are all attributes that focus on the “now” instead of the “then.” It’s a focus on “What can I do now? How can I do it now? Does it feel good now?”
Bennett believes that men should be focused on something else altogether; they should be aiming at the “Virtues of Marriage, Employment, and Religion,” virtues that are focused on one’s adulthood, and a steady growth of happiness instead of a “make-me-happy-now” mindset. These virtues also help one to focus on what matters: personal growth and the growth of the family.
I find that Bennett’s observations are tight and on the mark. Men do need larger universal attributes to drive them. Without these, one can easily be distracted and live a sub-par life.
But how do we encourage such behavior? It sounds difficult to implement. However, the one thing men can do to get boys to focus on these “future ambitions” is to take boys out of their “entertainment bubble” in order to get them thinking and working towards the bigger picture.
I know this was integral to my own character development, for before I was 14, I was a huge gamer. It was all I focused on. In order to remove me from my “childhood addiction,” my parents had to remove the gaming system from the house. I still had strong urges towards gaming, but over the years, these thoughts waned, and I grew into other desires. I educated myself in the arts of puppetry, filmmaking, and even literary analysis. In the 5 years since they removed gaming, I’ve experimented and mastered dozens of skills, from cooking to podcast production. I’m more widely read.
I’m not the standard by which we judge all other things; but I’m the example as to why opening up boy’s ambitions can have monumental effects for their everyday lives. Who knows, you could be helping him become the next great filmmaker, writer or thinker!
—Photo credit: kitkatherine/Flickr
Geez, it seems like even here you can’t get away from the whole “real man =/= video games” guff.
No-one should be recommending William Bennett on that one.
Sorry Christopher, but this is coming off as just another “blame the boys” article, of which there are plenty. But as with all others, whether you have valid criticise or not (such as the lack of ambition in our youth, males in particular), you ignore the causes of these “failing”s in favour of dumping all the blame on boys. Answer me this, when all you see around you is images of men as failures, idiots or abusers, what do you strive to emulate? When everything boys like to do is deemed wrong or criminal and is punishable in some way,… Read more »
“Virtues of Marriage, Employment, and Religion,”
So not being married or religious is a problem now ? as if that’s the only path to grow.
While I don’t agree with the author on pretty much everything he says, I think you are injecting something he didn’t say into the words he quoted from Bennett. What he said on this was: “I find that Bennett’s observations are tight and on the mark. Men do need larger universal attributes to drive them. Without these, one can easily be distracted and live a sub-par life.” At no point does he say not attaining these virtues is a problem, or that it is the only path. He actually says those who don’t choose to take up those virtues can… Read more »
““I find that Bennett’s observations are tight and on the mark”
In other words he agrees with Bennett.
Video games aren’t the problem, it’s how much gaming you do inplace of other things.
If someone grows up to simply have a job, a home and play video games, i don’t see what the big deal is.
Oh, I don’t disagree, but I think you’re injecting into the conversation what isn’t there. Your post I replied to spoke nothing about video games, instead, it made the connection that not being married or religious is a problem, and that the author said it was the only choice. Nether of which the author of this article asserted, nor quoted. I don’t have a problem with you disagreeing with the author, I’m just pointing out that what you are disagreeing to was never actually said.
Well, this part is problematic in lots of ways: “Virtues of Marriage, Employment, and Religion,” Whereas I’m completely with Freud when he says that “love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness”, I find that these three proposed manifestation or institutions of love and work (and world view) neither make someone virtuous, nor they are only ways of showing interest for the world around us (especially for those who don’t have access to them [*hint*gays*hint*]). There are lots of ways that one can get to a personal growth. And even though you’ve started okay with the problem of “easiness… Read more »
I agree with a lot of your points, JP. Interesting stuff. However, I agree with you that Marriage, work, religion) are not virtues by themselves, especially if we use historical definitions like Aristotle’s. Virtue was simply the terminology Mr. Bennett used. However, I do see them as goals at large that boys can aim at in order to grow and expand. There are other tools that can perform similarily (such as friendship, etc), but I don’t think they have the exact same effects as these three historical attributes Also, I wouldn’t diminish the value of learning from others in order… Read more »
Well, I wasn’t trying to diminish learning from others, it’s just that I’ve had this feeling that, above all, religion and marriage already have this set of rules, or mind-set, whereas I was merely proposing that a person should firstly experiment and find out what is important to him (of course through getting to know and adopting the values of other people! we are after all social beings, and don’t have to always “discover hot water”), and how he ticks and then he can find his inner goals, his inner institutions, that can be similar to a certain extent to… Read more »
Christopher,
You are preaching to the choir on an issue that is so extremely important for boys of our age (19-20) need to hear about. I have recently dropped gaming about 3 months ago and I have moved toward bigger and better things, cooking, longboarding, running, etc. All activities I would have ran away from before. I wish there is an easy solution for people to move on, but there is none. Some thoughts on how to start gaining some ambition?
Keep up the good sir, I look forward to seeing future work from you.
William
Hey William, I like seeing fellow guys move towards things beyond the easy activities of gaming and personal entertainment. The #1 thing I always say guys need to do in order to move forward is quite simply to aim at something higher than our own pleasure. For example, your mastery of cooking is not only fun for you ( I hope), but can also be useful skills that improve your potential for a job, or for serving those around you. Some higher examples of ambition could be the strengthening of relationships with those around us, the desire to see personal… Read more »
“Boys are raised through high school, but then find themselves in situations where they have to grow up, take on responsibility, and become men. But this is hard. Why?’ Oh, brother. It’s not that it’s hard, it’s that it isn’t worth it. I grew up playing videogames so let me put this in terms that you’ll understand: Imagine if when you worked hard and made it to the next level, instead of receiving recognition you were ridiculed. Imagine if by displaying your skill you would only be criticized for being “privileged” or “lucky” or “playing cheap.” Imagine if by reaching… Read more »
I can imagine that, and I’m truly sorry if you feel that way. It’s hard to keep going if you see no benefits coming from it.
I guess I have a personality that just wants to keep going, despite setbacks or ideas. That’s not always natural for us. But I still think that men need to keep moving forward, and reach that higher goal, that thing that is beyond us.
Hey that’s cool, dude. If that’s your personality then by all means continue to strive to achieve regardless of how you’re treated. “But I still think that men need to keep moving forward, and reach that higher goal, that thing that is beyond us.” A lot of us don’t feel that way. We feel cheated and taken advantage of by a society that devalues us and we see reaching that higher goal as benefiting that society. So we seek other achievements, like self-exploration and pursuit of our hobbies, instead of accumulating wealth and position. Because we don’t want to live… Read more »
“Virtues of Marriage, Employment, and Religion.” Marriage – For you, it is the greatest investment you will ever make. For your wife, it is a convenience that she can cash out of at any time, for any reason, or for no reason. When she does cash out, she will have automatic control of your property and (more importantly) of your children. You will be a human ATM machine, condemned to begg for the privilege of heartbreaking “play dates” with your own children. Employment – You can do this if you want … why would you want it? A single man… Read more »