Tim Brown thinks of four reasons why he would even consider marriage.
This weekend I had a homeboy get married. I know … who plans a wedding during football season, on rivalry weekend at that? Still, it was a good time seeing someone walk into the next chapter and phase of life. What was really interesting was the number of married men who walked up to the single men asking ‘who’s next?’
Needless to say, it got me to thinking, why do men get married at all? The news is filled today with reports about the changing dynamic and social norms in regards to marriage and how people either wait longer to take the plunge or eschew it altogether. A few reasons occurred to me.
Relinquishing control: Being married means that you have to give up control in a lot of ways. Its not necessarily complete submission per se, but it is allowing someone to be able to affect you physically and emotionally in ways that as a single person, you don’t have to, and in such a way that it directs your life trajectory.
Make life easier: Sometimes I find in the dating process that women describe more of a servant than a companion when it comes to their idea of an ideal husband. They want a guy who can come home, cook, clean, be a handyman, pump their gas … . That sounds like an extra job!
But a man wants a woman who makes his life easier, too. Not necessarily in a practical, take care of home sense, but more in a way like ‘you are worth me getting up and going to battle with the world daily’ kind of way.
Yes, I do think a man should want to take care of his woman, leading to …
Responsibility: A married man ultimately is responsible for his wife and family’s well-being. This means that if he has a wife and two kids and only three pieces of chicken, he doesn’t eat. He makes sure their needs are met.
Cleave to family: This was probably the biggest revelation, with the weekend being a holiday weekend. For my biblical scholars, Genesis 2:24 says a man should leave his family and cleave to his wife. Well, this in a lot of instances means that he is ‘leaving behind’ people he loves in order to make this happen. Obviously, they will still be his family, and he will still see them, but his involvement in their life will be extremely reduced. Creating your own family that is central to your life is a step forward into maturity and posterity.
Back to my friend who got married … we never had an in depth conversation as to why he got married. But, his new union saw him quit his job so that he could move with his wife overseas in her professional pursuit. He’s not the kind of guy to do this lightly or impulsively, so I know that some of what I’d been thinking of weighed on his mind as he made the choice. Despite only having met his wife once, I feel like she is a dynamic personality who is a fit for him and that the two of them will build a stable and strong union.
If you ever wonder why men are hesitant to take that big leap, keep in mind some of the things that it means when a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage. The courage it takes to leap might not be visible to anyone but his bride.
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