Is there a woman who is important to you, who isn’t your wife or girlfriend?
Your mother. Your sister. Your best friend, accountant, or next door neighbor. Is there a woman in your life who’s important to you, who you love, or who you just can’t live without?
Our cultures frequently privilege the sexual, romantic love a man is supposed to feel for a woman. Who are the women you love, not romantically, but just as deeply?
It may be difficult to admit to having feelings for a woman that are not permitted within traditional ideas of masculinity, men and women, and relationships. Even the word, relationship, conjures love, when it might be regard, respect, loyalty, concern, or affection that characterizes the bond you share. You might be related through business, mentorship, religious affiliation, education, or community.
Tell us about your platonic relationship with a woman. She could be your other half—as in a business venture or creative team. She might be someone you rely on, or someone who leans on you for help. You might be closely related and have been intimate for years, or have such a highly ritualized relationship that you know nothing about her except for through one formal interaction you share. Why do you value this relationship, and how is it different for being with a woman?
Make your submissions through Submishmash by Saturday, April 14. See our submission guidelines for more information. Email questions and queries to Justin Cascio, Senior Editor of The Good Men Project Magazine, at [email protected].
—Photo Scarleth White/Flickr
Yes, to the extent that I have moved from one city to another because she had moved there already – a lot of people think that she and I are married but we are ‘just’ friends. (I am not married and have no intention of being). We see each other on most days that she isn’t working and sometimes on work days as well. For some reason I’ve never seen it as a problem for men to have close non-romantic relationships with women; two of my longest-standing friends are women I met through various cultural projects way back in the… Read more »
I think there are many women I am friends with and I think they are attractive, but the relationship is platonic. I think my office wife or someone else I work with and go out after work with to watch baseball. I have a sister who loves to go on roller coasters with me. There were women professors in college or the women Head of School where I work that I admire. Sex is only one aspect of a relationship and can ruin a good friendship of relationship as well.
Great platonic relationships are certainly possible. One of my best friends — if not my best — is a happily married woman married to an awesome man. Other than a few very drunk nights 1000s of years ago, long before she started dating her husband, we have never considered each other as a romantic partner.
I actually have two chick friends like this — girls I would never dream of dating or hooking up with, but who I could easily hang out with every day.
No.
As a married man, this would be entering dangerous ground.
May I ask why? I have (or at least I believe I have) a close relationship with someone I consider a good friend and mentor – who happens to be both a man and married. The affection is real – but platonic and honest. Even when I left the country for persuing additional training – we communicate frequently (about 3-4 times/wk) and continue to work on projects together. Given men and women now work together and have more things in common – it isn’t a surprise that close friendships are formed that don’t necessarily involve sex.
David — The key is that neither of you find the other attractive. So find a hilarious, unattractive girl, don’t shower for a few days, and go out for a beer. And BAM.. There you have it — a fun new friendship with a woman… There has to be women you simultaneously aren’t attracted to and who are fun to hang out with.
So there is no chance for a friendship with a woman you find attractive (even if you are committed to another person)?