If you’ve NEVER been in a relationship, should you throw in the towel? Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert dares men to ‘dance with defeat’…
Question: Do you think there is a certain age in which a man should completely give up and accept defeat with women if he is past a certain age and has never had a girlfriend before, never been in a relationship? Since it seems most women are not attracted to nor they have any respect for a guy that lacks dating/relationship history?
Answer: If you have a dream, a desire, a priority, a purpose… and you can never attain it, then I honestly don’t know why we’re here. It makes me not want to be on the planet. I HAVE to believe that if we’re given a desire, we’re also given the support to succeed. If we have a dream, then we also have what it takes inside to accomplish it. The tricky part is that OUR time line and the DIVINE’S timeline are rarely in sync… and often things show up in a completely different way than we imagined.
1. Be Realistic: While I doubt at 55 you could make the Olympic Gymnastics Team, you CAN find and have love. You will simply have to be or do something different than you’ve been being or doing to get a different result.
2. Dance with Defeat: We often attract the very thing we fear, so are you afraid you won’t find anyone, so you come across as uninterested, inhibited, checked out or disconnected to your heart or sexual energy? What if you embraced and leaned in to the fear, looked it in the eye, breathed and didn’t hide, retreat or even try to overpower it… just allow it? Then things can change…
3. Dating History: I suppose some women only want someone with relationship history, yet as a coach, I support many men AND women who have never kissed, been in a relationship or had sex. Many people have focused on career and never addressed past abuse or cultural reasons for not embracing relationships. Thus what if you shared the thrill of ‘first times’ with a woman who also didn’t want to be judged… and together you shared precious adventures together?
There is a noble natural part of you that desires a loving relationship. Keep him alive. There is a tender part of you that is discouraged from never having a girlfriend. Love him with non judgment and unconditional love. Once you’ve healed your wounded heart, a badass blend of courage and freedom will fuel your actions into creating a relationship with the perfect partner for YOU.
If you’d like support to tip you into the next dimension of success with women, sexuality, relationship and intimacy, I invite you to download my complementary report and video series for men at www.GetHerToSayYes.com. Let me believe in you, until you do, so you can have your birthright, a healthy hot intimate relationship with a woman who honors and appreciates you.
Unbridled love, Allana xoox
Photo: www.Flickr.com Rainer Schultz
Or, you could be in my shoes and literally too ugly to attract anyone. If you’re a guy, you pretty much have to be perfect these days: you must have the right car, the right clothes, the right shoes, the right height, the right amount of money AND look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. You’re not allowed to be yourself, you have to make yourself look like the best package on the shelf, even if it’s not who you really are. And if you can’t bring those things to the table, you’re deemed to be a lower-than-whale shit creep.… Read more »
What planet are you on?!? It is still a man’s world here on earth. It is men who demand that women look like an 18 year old Barbie doll.
Chad is correct, unfortunately. I’ll be 50 in February 2025 and never had a girl-friend. I suppose I can’t use the term ‘girl friend’ at my age… ‘lady friend’ (I really hate that term). If only women actually behaved like ladies nowadays… I’ve noticed with younger women, although they look more glamorous, that aren’t as happy, nowadays, as they used to be. I think that social media is very damaging, so I don’t have any of that at all.
I am a 6’1″ SWM 55 who is highly educated, well-traveled and own three homes. I have always treated people with honesty and respect. I have never had a girlfriend. When I was in my 20s, I was absolutely certain that I would meet that special someone. It never happened. I met a number of women who liked me as a friend but nothing more. I tried everything humanly possible, but nothing ever worked. I have accepted that I will never have an intimate relationship, but I need to accept my lot in life.
Have you ever seen girls with guys who were shorter than they were, or not that good-looking? I have. You are obviously doing something that turns them off, and it is most likely personality, mannerisms, communication, or style. Sell two of the homes, and get yourself a full-time relationship coach. 1) nobody needs 3 homes, and it misdirects your focus away from people onto things: the condition of the house, the lawn, the extra cars. So that’s step 1. Simplify your life. Those three houses won’t take care of you if you are in the hospital for something. 2) Watch… Read more »
At 60 and never had a boyfriend or date or anything, i am much happier no longer wanting one. So many excuses. Too tall. Big boned. No maleup. Too quiet. Get out more. Etc. Hey. Forget it. I am happy, busy, financially secure, healthy, and so ,uch to look forward to.
I gave up on trying to date women five years ago (2012), when I was 43, almost 44, when a 50 year old woman that I met on a blind date,rejected me with this classic rejection line: “You’re too quiet for me, I am looking for a party animal”. Just a bit of background on me, I am 48, never married, never had a girlfriend. I have tried to approach women, but was always met with instant rejection, just because of my ugly looks and race.However, I’m lucky in the sense that prostitution is legal here in Australia, so when… Read more »
I’m a 60 year old man that isn’t a virgin, but I’ve had only 3 girlfriends in my life and only had sex with one if them. But for me, sex would be great, but to have a feeling of intimacy in a non-sexual way is much more rewarding. To have someone to love and someone who loves you is what life is all about. And for those of us that don’t have it (and I haven’t dated anyone for over 15 years) it’s almost unbearable to think about what failures we’ve been with women. I’m so jealous of everyone… Read more »
Well lets face it since the women of today are really to blame for this mess why many of us good innocent men can’t find a good honest woman to accept us for who we really are since most of us men that really do want a relationship are certainly not to blame for this mess here at all. It is the women of today that have really changed for the worst of all unfortunately since these women today will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less either which makes them such very pathetic… Read more »
Wow, the Incels are out in force! Sure, blame and hate women because you’ve been hurt? Afraid to try? Feel threatened by women getting closer to equal status? It’s still a man’s world, though.
I’m 60 and never had a GF. Yes, it’s time to give up and accept the fact that I’m unlovable. I’m in the Friend Zone permanently. I can’t count the times I’ve gotten the “It’s not you it’s me.” or the “There’s someone for everyone, it’ll happen, you’re a great guy, just not for me.” line. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame women, in fact I love women, there’s just something about me that they don’t find appealing. I don’t think I was bad looking, probably average, but now I’m disabled and I don’t harbor any illusions about forming… Read more »
Gave up looking 17 years ago, I’ve seen what women have done to my friends, I’m surprised some of them are still alive. I would have liked to have met someone to love, I think I would have made a good father. I’ll never know.
Unless your an incel like me, you really have no idea what you’re talking about. I’ve tried for 30 years to meet a woman who finds me sexually attractive – I am not and she doesn’t exist. I have lots of woman friends who love my company – as friends – but I’ve never held hands with nor kissed any of them. It’s beyond excruciating when you’ve tried for as long as I have and literally NOTHING has ever happened. Don’t tell me to keep trying – you have no idea what it’s like. Just admit that some people NEVER… Read more »
People think that having a history of past failed relationships make them a better person? Thats bullshit.
I am single, 43 (M) and never been married. I am pretty done with any hope because women are not interested in me which is fine. I hope to be dead by 50 as I think at that age, a person has lived a full life. Life to me is a joke and nothing but bullshit anyway. You get up, you go to work and slave away, you eat, you shower, you sleep and repeat the same shit over and over again until your finally dead. So, is there any good things to look forward too in life? Not for… Read more »
Well. I am turning 60 at the end of the year and have never had a boyfriend, or even a date. I am at peace with it. I understand now that it is not me who is at fault. But my body. I am tall with ‘big bones’, For a long time, I just didnt understand that my body was the problem. But I cant change the size of my bones. My size 10 feet, my broad shoulders, my big wrists, large hands, and I walk gracelessly. . I prefer wearing my hair short. It looks better and feels more… Read more »
Well today most women are certainly Nothing like the good old fashioned women were which made it much Easier in those days finding love just like our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles did. And the women today want the best and won’t settle for less, especially since many of them have their Careers nowadays which makes it much tougher finding a good one for many of us good men seriously looking. So many women today are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, and very greedy, which certainly adds to the problem too.
Women in the past had to marry to survive. It didn’t matter if they gave a damn about whoever they married. I’d rather die than give up that freedom we have now to be independent, to only be in a relationship if we truly want to. I’m 57 and never got with men; in my case it was a man who molested me as a baby. I had no memory of it til middle age, just knew that being around people, especially men, wasn’t safe.
The author seems to suggest that a middle-aged virgin male’s only hope is to find a middle-aged virgin female. I’m not sure where you’d find that someone who is in the less than one percent of women in their 30s or 40s who haven’t lost their virginity. Seems rather pointless.
Good fundamental points on a sad and all too often swept under the carpet issue that isn’t actually gender specific. Though when seeing the authors website “Get Her to Say Yes” a thought occurred. Get HER to say yes, implying our men are asking our women, and the idea/preference/desired outcome is for our women to say yes to our men when (in the context of this discussion) approached romantically. This not only points out the pressure placed on our women but also the expectation placed on our men, and it is this expectation and pressure that no doubt contributes to… Read more »
She gave a compassionate, articulate, spot-on answer. I hope he can breathe that in and really hear / feel it. He won’t ever have a girlfriend as a 20 or 30-year old but he can still have an awesome relationship as a 50, 60, or 70-year old. He’s already avoided all the stupid relationship mistakes we make when we’re younger. If he can make the necessary changes, he’ll surely find someone. It is never, ever too late.
There may not be a certain age at which a person should simply give up hope about ever finding a loving partner. Then again, hope may become all-consuming, in that you start to beat yourself up internally for not achieving what you hope for, which is certainly not healthy. And also, I think there are a couple of things that “older virgins” should be aware of as not to be lured away at the faintest glimmer of an opportunity. Including but not limited to: – Don’t become someone’s rebound. – Don’t involve yourself with someone who “settles” for you. Even… Read more »
That’s a lie! A complete delusion! Be realistic no matter what’s the cost. Love is a delusion, you don’t need it. Don’t live with hope – hope was the very last evil in Pandora’s box. Love is a highly addictive drug with bad consequences for your personality and health. If you’ve passed your mid 20’s and never been in a relationship – forget about it. It’s for your own good. You won’t find partner, you’ll only get dissapointed, abused and struggle with hope. It’s not the way you want to live your life. The very core of the problem is… Read more »
Taht is a big lie. Nietzsche posted a truth
Hi Nitzsche
I am curius about how you manage to stay sane in this world if you believe love does not exist and nobody needs it?
“Become an emotioneless being – be an Overman!”
You mean a psychopath/sociopath?
Verily, there are chaste ones from their very nature; they are gentler of heart, and laugh better and oftener than you.
They laugh also at chastity, and ask: “What is chastity?
Is chastity not folly? But the folly came unto us, and not we unto it.
We offered that guest harbour and heart: now it dwelleth with us- let it stay as long as it will!”—
Thus spake Zarathustra.
I’m not sure where in any of Nietzsche’s writing he suggests being emotionless. It is hard to tell exactly what Nietzsche is bloviating about most of the time but it is clear that he values passion.
Nietzsche would probably rant in an incomprehensible aphorism about how it is noble to look for companionship. Schopenhauer is more likely to tell you to give up.
“If now, from the standpoint of this last consideration, we contemplate the turmoil of life, we behold all occupied with its want and misery, straining all their powers to satisfy its infinite needs and to ward off its multifarious sorrows, yet without daring to hope anything else than simply the preservation of this tormented existence for a short span of time. In between, however, in the midst of the tumult, we see the glances of two lovers meet longingly; yet why so secretly, fearfully, and stealthily? Because the lovers are the traitors who seek to perpetuate the whole want and… Read more »
Please do not give up. Some women are really sweet. Finding them is a challenge. Most women are filled with supposed to, should be, I am entitled to. I do not understand it. I wish that I could tell you that it is easy. It is not. May you persevere and find the happiness that you deserve.
Unless the idea is that a man’s existence is only justified by the presence of a female in their lives, I’m not even sure why this is a question. Personally, I’m much happier when I’m single, which is why I’ve remained this way since my last boyfriend and I broke up in 2003.
It’s easy to say that when you’ve already been dating. Completely missing dating, sex and all that comes with it is a completely different matter. I feel for the man that the article describes. Due, in part, to having been sexually abused and generally mistreated by women I hadn’t so much as gone on a date until I was well into my 30s and it sucked. I still haven’t managed to get a steady girlfriend, but I will eventually because I’m an awesome guy that treats women well. Apart from having my own children which will get progressively less likely… Read more »
Please. Online dating is filled with nuts. I am sorry to say this, but if you want to meet delusional, fantasy driven women, then online dating is the way to go. I am so sorry, but it is true to my experience. Please work in the real world and meet real real women.