“Do you think my ass is fat?” Albeit this is a dumbass question some women ask their men, but it does get asked, and I know you guys are all sorts of scared by it. You probably have absolutely no idea how to respond!
Either her ass isn’t fat, or it is, or maybe it’s just got a little extra umph, but it doesn’t matter. Even if her ass is super tiny, you can’t tell her that. Why? Because the question, as posed, means that she feels, at least in that moment, as though her ass is fat, and she’s not looking for confirmation that it’s not; she’s looking for condemnation that it is!
This is Cognitive Behaviorism 101, guys. You ask: but, Ms. Bowles, what do I say, what do I say? Well, I’ll tell you.
You look at your woman right in the eyes and grab her ass. Don’t gently touch her and be all lovey. You grab that ass like you own it, and you say, “I love your fucking ass, and I’d love to fuck you right now!”
Then you kiss her before she has a chance to say anything else, and you kiss her with as much passion as your Good Man Heart can muster while gripping her ass and pulling her toward you. And you do this because you mean it; because you love your woman and are attracted to her beyond all reason, as you should be!
If this doesn’t work most of the time, you might consider finding another woman.
P.S. This works with other situations in which your woman asks you questions that cannot possibly be answered positively. It even works on a feminist. Just ask my husband.
—Photo Cea./Flickr
I am an avid lover big ol’ booties. If we were in a romantic relationship, it would be an absolute certainty that she’d have a fat ass. She would also know that it was appreciated each and every day, because I’d set time aside to thoroughly appreciate it.
“Fat-bottomed girls, the make the rockin’ world go ’round” – Freddy Mercury
“Do you think my ass is fat” = Ya still love me, you haven’t said it lately? I see it as no more then her wanting attention. My wife is far more critical of her own looks then I am. After 37 years, we’re both in sad shape so the darker the room, the better the memories. There is no perfect answer, it’s a lose lose no matter what. I’m madly in love with my wife and I don’t really care what she looks like these days. Maybe the question presented is more for the younger generation. Lose lose is… Read more »
“You look at your woman right in the eyes and grab her ass. Don’t gently touch her and be all lovey. You grab that ass like you own it, and you say, “I love your fucking ass, and I’d love to fuck you right now!” Then you kiss her before she has a chance to say anything else, and you kiss her with as much passion as your Good Man Heart can muster while gripping her ass and pulling her toward you. And you do this because you mean it; because you love your woman and are attracted to her… Read more »
Your girl asks dumb questions like that, you should buy her a camera; play some booty shaking music; post it on Worldstarhiphop; then ask the commenters. She’ll never ask that question again.
Haha! YES!
This would put and end to all doubts!
Ms. Bowles: I understood the spirit that this article was written. Yes, if you’re not in a long-term, intimate relationship, this might not be a good idea. If your partner has had issues of domestic vioelnce or sexual abuse, this might not be a great way to handle the dreaded ‘ass/size’ question. With a humorless, litigeous, about-to-divorce-you-and-going-to-call-the-cops spouse, yes, this advice might not be the best. But, for a trusting, playful, passionate couple, I think it’s fine. Hell, I’d love for my sig. other to grab my ass, and kiss me fiercely, and tell me she’s wants to have wild… Read more »
It works on feminists too, and all manner of women, truly! Right up until the moment she decides to divorce your ass, then you didn’t ask explicit permission and your another sexually assaulting if not raping statistic, and you find yourself at the wrong end of a restraining order, kept away from your children, made to pay giant amounts to child support and alimony, and your ex gets to perform parental alienation on your children! (No, not perpetrate, according to the law it’s not a crime to mentally abuse your children and foster hat in them for the other parent!)… Read more »
Ironically enough, the article as I originally wrote it before it was edited by GMP staff was, “Saying Her Ass ISN’T Fat Won’t Help.”
I appreciate the time you took to write all of this. And yes, “many feminists….” dah dah dah, but I’m not many or even like “most feminists,” and I would say “grow a pair,” regardless of your gender, as I don’t know that for sure anyway, do I? It’s a metaphor for guts and/or candor…I personally see the metaphor as symbolizing both.
guts has nothing to do with it, this behavior will get you arrested if your a man and seeing as how you admit that this advice works for you and you are not like “most feminists” then it seems even you advocate MOST people NOT taking your advice.
Because MOST people are feminists? Interesting logic, fly.
so your advocating people not seeking feminist partners in lue of “traditional women”? Even if your partner isn’t a “card carrying” feminist, assuming “she’ll be cool with it” is a pretty massive risk to take when the consequence of guessing wrong is being a sexual assaulter.
Yeah, you are more badass than most feminists. Please keep writing for the site! This article was great.
Thanks for the clarification. It wasn’t fair play of me to compare you with my stereotypes of feminism. That gets us nowhere.
What about the question of whether or not a man in that situation should say something that isn’t true?
Thanks for the direct question. My initial thought is that a person shouldn’t purposely say something to a partner that isn’t true. On the other hand, if a guy thinks a girl’s ass is fat, and maybe just doesn’t care because she does it for him in other ways, I don’t know…fine line, but I suspect open communication over time will either build those bridges of trust or tear them down, and if they’re shattered by honesty, were they worth holding on to, let alone walking through life with them unstable in the first place?…Ah, I’ve got too many cliche… Read more »
Taking a lot of heat here, aren’t you. I happen to think your response to the question most men dread was awsome! I happen to like how my woman’s ass has ‘somewhat thickened’ through the years(more cusion for the pushin’) However ,if I did as you say (which again , I think it brilliant) and she asked the question again. I think my answer would be,”I don’t know dear,but while were asking each other questions ,is my cock big enough to satisfy you?
To anyone who is “offended” by what other people say—grow a pair. The entire notion of being “offended” by another person’s thoughts is ridiculous. If you’re secure in your own thoughts and emotions, nothing should “offend” you. If you want to view the article as a script, that is your prerogative. If you want to take it as one insight, you could do that too. The idea that this article assumes women are little snowflakes who need cajoling is extremely far-fetched to me—the whole idea is that the love and passion of your relationship can help make certain situations better,… Read more »
I’m assuming this message was meant to be a reply to my earlier message? I don’t believe I ever said I was offended by the advice, although I can see how one could get that impression. I certainly never said I was offended by what you think or feel. I don’t know if you make this distinction, but I do make a distinction among thinking, feeling, and speaking. Perhaps that is a philosophical difference between us? If I mischaracterized the intent of the very short article, I apologize. I did ask if there were women out there who found this… Read more »
Godammit, I knew I would screw this up someday. It was only a matter of time. Both are me. That Guy and wellokaythen are from the same person. Yes, I have had them talk to each other once in a while. Yes, I really should find better hobbies….
hehe, interesting revelation.
i swear ive seen a different commenter write under male and female id’s – the writing styles of both id’s are so similar
This raises another quite existential question that only one or two people know the answer to: how do we know that jameseq is not the same person as wellokaythen and That Guy? Perhaps I am having my jameseq persona speak to my That Guy persona….
Am I the only one bothered by this article? This sounds to me like giving men a specific script to follow in order to assuage women’s insecurities, whether the answer is true or not. Presumably what the man says here is supposed to be true, but I’m wondering what happens if the man doesn’t actually think or feel that specific answer to the question. Please don’t say that he just has to make himself sincere or that he has to get himself to mean it. This doesn’t sound to me like a sustainable exchange. If you know that he’s just… Read more »
Not offended. This is just but one piece of advice.
Read a women’s magazine. It’s filled to the brim with advice of how to cradle men’s fragile egos.
For this one piece of advice… there are about 100 things women are told not to ever say to a man, lest you crush his soul or some nonsense.
Not *offended*, just rolling my eyes a bit. People are different and want different things, but in a serious relationship, isn’t it better to treat each other as adults (which in this case would mean that if one’s partner asks a question, the default assumption should be that they actually want to know the answer)?
Implied consent? So you guys are so passionate that you ask permission every time before you kiss the person you’ve been in a relationship with for years? I don’t believe that for a second because no one would bother to stay in a relationship like that!
first of all, the post dosen’t say anything about only applying to people who have been in a long term monogamous relationship for an extended period of time, the way it’s written, it could just as easily apply to very new relationships or people not in a relationship at all. 2nd, if you read the situation wrong and you touch the asker when they don’t want to be touched, there is nothing stoping them from calling you a sexual assaulter. the assumption that somebody asking you if you think there ass is fat is code for “I want to feel… Read more »
If being passionate with the person you have chosen to be with (and who has chosen to be with you—this article is about people who are in a RELATIONSHIP!) in any way conjures images of rape or jail time, I think something might be wrong with either you, your relationship, or both.
I don’t think its terribly unreasonably given all the “yes means yes” going around nowadays.
I like this article and I’m glad you have found your little piece of heaven.. but for those with their head in the sand, men typically badly underestimate risk, women tend to overestimate it, sometimes also badly… so this needs to be banged into their heads… the criteria for sexual assault are exactly the same for a couple in a relationship as for two people randomly hooking up, it’s not a like you get a “get out of jail free “card ’cause you’re going steady… Certain groups lobbied long and hard for the government to be in everyone’s bedroom, so… Read more »
Anthony Z does this on almost every article. It’s getting annoying, dude.
Its always “whats wrong with the other person” with you, is it not. Never “what is wrong with me”
Ok, person with a Knoxville IP address and comcast account…if I know you, and/or you have something to say to me directly, please do so. Otherwise, consider lifting your confusion and understanding that this article isn’t about what’s “wrong” with anyone, but rather a possible way of approaching a question (from a significant other) that is birthed out of insecurity…albeit, a possibility not very relevant for people who are incompatible in the first place.
Hmm did my comment get eaten in moderation?
This is why I won’t ask if my ass is fat. Instead, I’ll probably just jump my man and forget about it.
+1
also +1, this post seems like a fast track to some serious jail time.
ugh, i replied to the wrong comment, anyway yea, the instructions in this post could destroy your life, don’t do em!
ha ha ha… implied consent… I like that… it’s like the dark ages…
“You look at your woman right in the eyes and GRAB her ass. Don’t gently touch her and be all lovey. You grab that ass like you OWN IT, and you say, ‘I love your fucking ass, and I’d love to fuck you right now!’ Then you kiss her BEFORE SHE HAS A CHANCE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE, and you kiss her with as much passion as your Good Man Heart can muster while gripping her ass and pulling her toward you.” So, any time a woman asks me if her behind is big, I should commit an act of… Read more »
This woman is your wife/long term girlfriend.
You can presume some consent.
If a woman ever asks me “Do you think my ass is fat?” I would just give her a measuring tape and ask her to find it herself.
That is Awesome, next time I am asked one of those impossible questions, I will do something like that.
It definitely beats the hoonies that I have come out with, including;
– No (I was lying, and she didn’t believe me)
– A little, but I am not with you because of your bum … (I was telling the truth, but she looked at me like she was dying inside)
I think I have a gift…. however my ex girlfriend did stop asking that kind of question.
The effective safe answer has been known to the MRM for many years:
“Take that (dress/skirt/pants) off, so I can see it. Then I’ll tell you.”
Never touch her first, or you could spend 20 years in prison.
Hee hee! Great post! My then BF (now husband) used to always know what to say when I would ask silly questions like that! (Plus it’s an ego boost when attractive personal trainers eye your booty at the gym…especially when you feel like crap inside!)
All kidding aside….this makes me think of Eve Ensler’s “Refuser”….”and when we stop thinking about our fat ass stomachs and thighs….we got the POWER!”