There is a place reached during healing, where there is the recognition that the next step taken, can’t be taken back.
Where the internal lies told, no longer matter, but the act of lying does and is no longer acceptable.
Where selling out to anything or anybody, becomes the harshest form of abuse no longer tolerated.
Where dysfunction meets “function” and leaning in or turning away are the only choices left.
This is it.
This is where life meets at the crossroads of wellness and numbness.
It is in this precipice of wondering if the next step can be taken, and wondering if there is even a desire to take it, where courage is found.
Maybe the numbness is all there is, all that is known. Maybe the numbness is safe, always consistent, never surprising. Maybe the numbness is where life is truly, unequivocally lived.
Or maybe, there is something else, something more, something different. Maybe there is wellness.
Natural curiosity pushes to timidly “touch” this next step. This next step of which can never be taken back. Place a toe gingerly over the line. Test the waters cautiously before fully committing.
Except, deep down, this is it. All or nothing. Do or die. No turning back.
The ego screams ”Don’t do it! It won’t be worth it. Frozen in numbness is safe.”
Instinctual pulling back happens while breath is held in the silence.
In the stillness of that moment of indecision, a tiny whisper is heard “What has happened that has yet to be survived? When has strength, courage and resilience not found their way home? All this struggle and now freedom is just a step away. Believe in this. Believe in us. Believe in you. Take this step.”
And, just like that, the breeze blows softly, pushing against the remaining hold of resistance. With a deep breath, the slightest of leans occurs leading to the full falling into freedom waiting on the other side.
Trust of the knowledge gained on this healing journey is honored. Wisdom and intuition are embraced. New beliefs are formed based on the understanding if the abuse could be survived, the recovery will be as well.
With a slight smile and shaky hands, the fears, the what ifs, the should haves are released as the openness of the unknown is slipped into.
And with that step, from which cannot be taken back, a new life begins.