No Means No

In an effort to continue to tell all sides of the story when it comes to rape, here are two posts that critiqued the way we have been talking about it. “Rape Culture and the Good Men Project” on The Belle Jar Blog and “Nice Guys, Rape, and Simplicity” on Quill to the Anvil.

Photo, here

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Comments

  1. Oh , I’m going to have fun with that ridiculous chart!
    “I’m not sure” means not now, but you might persuade me in a bit.
    “I have a boyfriend” means “but I might cheat on him if I like you well enough”.
    “I’ve/you’ve been drinking” means “let’s get it on!”.
    “let’s just go to sleep” actually does mean she’s probably tired and it would be yucky sex. But I prefer to think of it as “Ok, we’ll have sex in morning”.
    “Don’t touch me”, means she’s mad at you and is a big fat NO unless she is a crazy chick in which case she wants you to proceed – but I’d recommend against it.
    “I really like you but” … means it ain’t happening ever. Congrats, “Nice guy who will find a good girl someday”
    “I’d rather be alone right now” means you should be prepared to listen to her talk or let her alone.
    “Not now” means “Maybe later”.
    “Fuck off” means no, noway, nu-uh , forget it!
    “No thanks” means she doesn’t want any.
    “Maybe later” means maybe later. I find it a bit…unfeminist to believe women don’t mean exactly what they say at all times. Oh wait..they mean exactly what they say WHEN it is convenient to them … as this chart shows!
    Silence means no… unless she’s reaching in your pants and grabbing your male organ and pulling you toward her…

    I’m glad the people who put that chart together are anonymous. It’s pretty stupid, really, and I’d be embarrassed to attach my name to it.

  2. Belle Jar’s argument seems to boil down to the charge that publishing the guy’s story is the same as agreeing with and supporting him, resulting in more rapes, therefore TGMP becomes rape accomplices. Fortunately for America, the First Amendment doesn’t agree.

    Quill’s tirade is against the unpardonable sin of acknowledging that complexity and gray areas exist in real-world human interactions. Apparently rape is the one area (lucky us!) where no ambiguity has ever existed, and any attempt to understand the mindset of rapists is the same thing as condoning rape. Just like analyzing Al Qaeda was the same thing as apologizing for terrorism, remember?

    Both screeds make liberal use of the term ‘rape culture’ used as the female blogger’s trump card for justifying why they’re always right so shut up. I wasn’t impressed… but I also don’t much care.

    The Good Men Project is a site for men to discuss men’s issues. Whether women are offended, outraged, or even ‘triggered’ by those discussions is irrelevant. Women: “It’s not about you.”

    • Belle Jar’s argument seems to boil down to the charge that publishing the guy’s story is the same as agreeing with and supporting him, resulting in more rapes, therefore TGMP becomes rape accomplices. Fortunately for America, the First Amendment doesn’t agree.
      Pretty much. Some of the folks at GMP do something other than quote a feminist text then shout “fuck off scum!” and all of a sudden we’re rape apologists and rape supporters.

      The Good Men Project is a site for men to discuss men’s issues. Whether women are offended, outraged, or even ‘triggered’ by those discussions is irrelevant. Women: “It’s not about you.”
      The messed up part of it is that in the long run its about all of us. What bothers some of these folks (and it’s not just women) is that they don’t get to call the shots and set the parameters in spaces like this.

      They want men to do their own work but still want to have a say in what work is done and how the work is done, aka have their cake and eat it too.

  3. http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2012/12/08/what-in-holy-hell-is-this/

    Here’s an interesting article on a similar theme.

  4. I wish the government understood nmeans no.

    65% of the people said no to obama care.
    60+% said no to gay marriage.
    51% said no to higher taxes.

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