Ask an Honest Question, Get an Honest Answer

“How often do other women give you a bone?” 

Note: “Bone” means “boner” aka “erection”

Note 2: We both laughed at the question, at the honesty of it all.

The other day my fiancée asked me this question. It was actually sparked by Tom Matlack’s A Dozen Questions for Men and my absolute belief that men are not biologically driven to be monogamous. We also spoke of the “Are all men on a spectrum from homosexual to bisexual to heterosexual?” and we realized we had a much different opinion due to our living for six months in Bangkok – a place that embraces ladyboys, open sexualities and mixed genders – as opposed to spending our previous 25 years in central Pennsylvania.

“Often, I guess,” I answered. “Honestly, sometimes I’ll walk over to the grocery store just to grab us something for dinner and I’ll see a woman and I feel a little something down there. But no matter how devoted I am to you, no matter how committed, other women still give me a bone. This is how I know it’s not that my moral compass is broken, it’s that I’m a product of my biology.”

“Well, are there certain triggers? Certain types of women or things that they do that turn you on?” She paused. “I want to know because I want to do more of those things.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Sometimes it’ll be heels or a skirt or hair or a smell or even just a women confident in herself. Sometimes, more often than not, I think, these things trigger something but then it continues with thoughts of our sex or your sexiness.”

“Well, how do you stop a bone? I mean, when you feel something down there how do you stop it so it doesn’t get full?”

“I think of my old obese grappling coach’s belly.”

“But no matter how devoted I am to you, no matter how committed, other women still give me a bone. This is how I know it’s not that my moral compass is broken, it’s that I’m a product of my biology.”


“Yup. I think of his disgusting rolls and how he must have to lift them just to clean the cheese that grows in between them.”

“Oh my gosh that’s gross!”

“That’s the point. It works!”

“Haha! Well, next time we are out can you show me who?” she said.

“Of course. But I’ll be with you so it’ll likely be from you.”

“Well, like, look around. Pretend I’m not there.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”

The openness and honesty of the conversation is one that still has us laughing. The next time we went out and she noticed a women society typically deems sexy – all done up, painted nails, loads of makeup, a tight dress – she looked over at me and nodded for me to look at this women.

“No way!” I said. “That’s what society says gives men bones. That might work for some but not me.”

“Good!” she said. “We’re learning together. This is awesome.”

The next day she brought this discussion up to her friend. “Cameron admitted he gets a bone from other women. I asked him and he was honest about it.”

“Doesn’t that piss you off? Ugh. I’d be so pissed if my boyfriend said that.”

“Not at all! He was honest and it makes me believe he’ll always be. Plus, I want to pick up some new tricks for what turns him on!”

The friend saw my fiancée’s side and they both started laughing. “I’ll go home and ask Danny,” the friend said. “We’ll have a good discussion about it.”

Now when we’re out she’ll look over at me, nod her head toward an attractive woman and say through a smile: “Bone Appétit?”

—Photo fitri.agung / Flickr


On Honesty:

The Paradox of Male Honesty

Tom Matlack hosts a Socratic Roundtable on Honesty with Joel Stein, Amanda Marcotte, Tom Miller, Dan Barrett and Todd Mauldin.

Ask an Honest Question, get an Honest Answer

Cameron Conaway’s fiancee asks him “How often do other women give you a bone?”

Honesty. Yeah, That’s an Action Word, Too.

When it comes to honesty, Lisa Hickey would rather ignore words and focus on actions.

The Curse of the Reformed Liar

A poem by Jack Varnell

About Cameron Conaway

Cameron Conaway is a former MMA fighter, an award-winning poet and the 2014 Emerging Writer-in-Residence at Penn State Altoona. He is the author of Caged: Memoirs of a Cage-Fighting Poet, Bonemeal: Poems, Until You Make the Shore and Malaria, Poems. Conaway is also on the Editorial Board at Slavery Today. Follow him on Google+ and on Twitter: @CameronConaway.


  1. Cameron, good for you and your fiancé for the level of safety, trust and openness in your relationship. I have had that, and it’s wonderful. Reading the comments, it saddens me at the number of folks, male and female, who cannot conceive of such a dialogue as anything other than a trap. Jealousy and lack of trust are so rampant that real conversation stops before people have even made a long term commitment. Bringing awareness of attraction back to your own bed keeps the energy alive. I think it further reassures a flesh and blood human that our partners aren’t turned on by Barbie and Ken, but by humans with confidence, with curves, with quirks and uniqueness…as it offers hope that our own charm lies in our unique attributes as well. And knowing my partner is willing to share his lust for an “exotic other”, but come home to me makes our own time together hotter…it becomes something we are sharing, instead of a secret between us. Thanks.


  1. […] Ask an Honest Question, get an Honest Answer […]

  2. Recommended Resources…

    […]the time to read or visit the content or sites we have linked to below the[…]…

Speak Your Mind