“How often do other women give you a bone?”
Note: “Bone” means “boner” aka “erection”
Note 2: We both laughed at the question, at the honesty of it all.
The other day my fiancée asked me this question. It was actually sparked by Tom Matlack’s A Dozen Questions for Men and my absolute belief that men are not biologically driven to be monogamous. We also spoke of the “Are all men on a spectrum from homosexual to bisexual to heterosexual?” and we realized we had a much different opinion due to our living for six months in Bangkok – a place that embraces ladyboys, open sexualities and mixed genders – as opposed to spending our previous 25 years in central Pennsylvania.
“Often, I guess,” I answered. “Honestly, sometimes I’ll walk over to the grocery store just to grab us something for dinner and I’ll see a woman and I feel a little something down there. But no matter how devoted I am to you, no matter how committed, other women still give me a bone. This is how I know it’s not that my moral compass is broken, it’s that I’m a product of my biology.”
“Well, are there certain triggers? Certain types of women or things that they do that turn you on?” She paused. “I want to know because I want to do more of those things.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Sometimes it’ll be heels or a skirt or hair or a smell or even just a women confident in herself. Sometimes, more often than not, I think, these things trigger something but then it continues with thoughts of our sex or your sexiness.”
“Well, how do you stop a bone? I mean, when you feel something down there how do you stop it so it doesn’t get full?”
“I think of my old obese grappling coach’s belly.”
“Yup. I think of his disgusting rolls and how he must have to lift them just to clean the cheese that grows in between them.”
“Oh my gosh that’s gross!”
“That’s the point. It works!”
“Haha! Well, next time we are out can you show me who?” she said.
“Of course. But I’ll be with you so it’ll likely be from you.”
“Well, like, look around. Pretend I’m not there.”
“Okay, I’ll try.”
The openness and honesty of the conversation is one that still has us laughing. The next time we went out and she noticed a women society typically deems sexy – all done up, painted nails, loads of makeup, a tight dress – she looked over at me and nodded for me to look at this women.
“No way!” I said. “That’s what society says gives men bones. That might work for some but not me.”
“Good!” she said. “We’re learning together. This is awesome.”
The next day she brought this discussion up to her friend. “Cameron admitted he gets a bone from other women. I asked him and he was honest about it.”
“Doesn’t that piss you off? Ugh. I’d be so pissed if my boyfriend said that.”
“Not at all! He was honest and it makes me believe he’ll always be. Plus, I want to pick up some new tricks for what turns him on!”
The friend saw my fiancée’s side and they both started laughing. “I’ll go home and ask Danny,” the friend said. “We’ll have a good discussion about it.”
Now when we’re out she’ll look over at me, nod her head toward an attractive woman and say through a smile: “Bone Appétit?”
—Photo fitri.agung / Flickr
Tom Matlack hosts a Socratic Roundtable on Honesty with Joel Stein, Amanda Marcotte, Tom Miller, Dan Barrett and Todd Mauldin.
Cameron Conaway’s fiancee asks him “How often do other women give you a bone?”
When it comes to honesty, Lisa Hickey would rather ignore words and focus on actions.
A poem by Jack Varnell