We know it can be incredibly hard out there to be a man.
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Hey fellow men…Dylan here from Life on the Swingset.
I want to take a moment to express a little empathy. It can be incredibly hard out there to be a man.
We’re living in an age inspired by the speed of the internet. Our goalposts of acceptability and common respectability on social issues and on how we relate to others in the world change on what seems like a weekly basis at times. Our perception of our gender as a responsibility hasn’t kept up with the evolution of gender as identity and of sexuality as more fluid than we were ever told was possible.
We are being forced to resolve the changes in the world with what we think of as our masculine role. Equality means a shift in power. Equity means a shift in resources. The things we’ve always been taught to be afraid of are popping up all around us.
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After my friend and co-host, Cooper S. Beckett, wrote a stream-of-consciousness letter last week following on the heels of personally devastating experience, Coop and I sat down for an hour to talk—clearly and calmly—about how we have each seen women experience harassment and navigate rape culture.
I’m 100% conscious of how a couple of dudes talking about women can come off… but out of 241 episodes… I thought we could take a little time to sit down with our fellow men and level.
Women largely get ignored by men and it sucks. Nothing Cooper and I said should be eye-popping or a surprise but… I guarantee we might have turned a few of your heads or noses while we chatted, gender notwithstanding and I’m hoping that some of that coming from us might make it more likely for some of you to help others listen to women.
The women of the Swingset are putting together an episode (or two) to discuss topics from this episode… and will probably point out how a couple dudes talking about women’s experiences got it wrong. That’s ok, we’ll own that. Until that comes out I wanted to put a spotlight on a few people.
Writer and Filmmaker De La Fro posted an article titled “No, You Are Not a Nice Guy” that really disassembles the male entitlement / transactional nature of what some guys call “being a nice guy.”
There are some damn wonderful people on everydayfeminism.com and I found a three minute spoken word piece by contributor Desiree Dallagiacomo and Mwende Katwiwa aka: FreeQuency titled “American Rape Culture” that illustrates just how insidious the language of rape culture has been in popular music.
Our own Crista Anne, our rainbow-colored pleasure revolutionary, through her mission to reclaim her orgasms ended up enduring an intense and sustained amount of harassment for daring to speak loudly and unapologetically. She writes about that harassment at cristaanne.com/harassment.
Ella Dawson has dared to write and speak about her experiences navigating sexuality with herpes and how as a result of that she’s also endured sustained harassment. She posted an article, “Everything 2015 Taught Me About Harassment” that really puts a fine point on it.
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We spend a lot of time on the Swingset breaking down our experiences so you can learn from the journey.
We aren’t filtering what we’re going through and neither are these women and there’s value in it.
They’re unapologetic. They’re strong. They deserve to be listened to.
That they’re speaking uncomfortable truths and they’re laying raw misogyny out for all of us to see doesn’t make it complaining… it makes it necessary.
You can always write us at [email protected] and leave us a voicemail at 573-55-swing (7-9464).
This article originally appeared on LifeOnTheSwingset.com.
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Photo credit: Getty Images
Yeah! How you like me now!
Kidding of course, but I did think of, Mostly when reading initially. It was like chumming for an intellectual white. Gonna need a bigger boat!
Already spoke my peace in this particular article, but, well, the above was worthy of note, even as a stand alone.
Really very well stated, Moslty.
“If you don’t oppress you really have nothing to be defensive about.” …Ah. I think I understand it now Dylan- Just like, say, how person who makes denigrating or disparaging remarks about an entire demographic or strata should NOT be considered unduly partial, biased, prejudiced, or bigoted, if they add in ‘I don’t mean you personally– If you don’t do those things that I’ve assumed your demographic innately, invariably does, then you’re fine with me. Bro.’? Something like that Dylan? A little bit ‘loaded’ in the reassurance there- or perhaps a touch of an informal fallacy. There was a time… Read more »
Sometimes when I read these types of articles I wonder if it’s even possible to be a good man. I realize that it’s not. Not because it’s impossible, but because if one became a good man; if all men became good men, there would be nothing for a certain segment of society to complain about so they must continuously manufacture issues to keep themselves relevant. I’ve often asked when will we as a society tackle the issue of men raped by women, male suicide, homelessness (which mostly affects men), etc. Of course the answer is after we’ve tackled the important… Read more »
You no more get to whitewash me as a rapist because of my issued equipment genitalia than accuse me of terrorism because I have read the Qur’an Shove the SWJ TRIPE ALREADY
Agree Tom…and thanks for the laugh, Bob. …but to the issue. Ok, because I see where this may go…and full well know that my asshat way of saying what could have been said with a bit more dignity will be the cause, let me add something. I tend to be a little less cordial to guys…mostly because we can take it, and have pretty thick skin…and sometimes thick heads. Things have been a little serious here, so I chose to amuse myself a bit. At the risk of sounding patronizing, I admire you, Dylan. I do, becasue I know where… Read more »
Can’t use women as a shield here, as I was not speaking about women but the less then 5% of such that have declared themselves representatives of all women in a supposed war against men. its’ cyclical, reinventing themselves with a new crisis, not unlike the standard business model, about every 15 years, inflicting guilt upon a new, eager, yet unaware generation of young men. I believe it was, Friday that suggested that female anger and male guilt are a powerful tool well back in the ’90s. Been studying them for over 30 years, including fact finding that helped debunked… Read more »
This. Nothing more, nothing less. Thank you, -DJ-
…and do me a favor. Stop with the “bro”, and “dude” stuff as if we are. Hurts my eyes when you do it.
DJ, I appreciate what you’ve said here and I second your motion to be all in on the conversation. The “culture” which is widely overused is no more then a modern day stereotype of men. Stereotypes BTW are what GMP claims to eat for lunch?
Tried to say something similar, Moderation took over!
Basically, drop your drawers, bend over and grab your ankles, and apologize for your birth gender!
You know, I’m to the point that I can recognize it not in a few words anymore, but by the title. If you are going to discuss “rape culture” and how we oppress women, are somehow a part of that “culture”, that has recently been invented by the latest band of feminist now that the “culture of abuse of women” has been debunked, is no longer valid in keeping men off balance, you don’t want me there. LOL Trust me on that one. You want open and honest discussion about real issues that face us today, such as sexual objectification… Read more »
It’s nice that you think the culture of abuse is purely an invention of the “latest band of feminists”.
If you don’t oppress women you really have nothing to be defensive about.
Why so defensive… bro?
Hey, grow a ‘stash’ with that go tee and you know you look like a …well you know with teeth!