D. T. Brown didn’t quit owning things. He quit materialism.
For years I had heard stories of people simplifying their life. I saw people making changes, from deciding not to buy any new shoes for a year to going full-bore minimalist. I saw pictures of uncluttered cottages, trash-free garbage cans, and pristine white countertops graced with only one white coffee cup.
While I knew the real minimalist life most likely was not that simple, I felt the weight of my too-big house and boat and cars and furniture and toys I rarely used. And I would hear these stories and something inside me ached for a simpler, less-cluttered life like that.
But, I figured, I had to provide a “full” life for myself and my wife, and stock up on life for our future kids. I would later come to realize that part of me also wanted to maintain an image of success, to show that I had my life together, that I was a hard-working, upwardly mobile, blessed American man.
Then came the anxiety attacks. After suffering for more than a year of not being to fall asleep because I thought I was going insane, and frequently waking up my wife for her to talk me down from my panicked spirals, I finally started talking to a therapist. And I soon realized that I was living for other people and not being really true to myself.
Fortunately, my wife had also been re-evaluating her life, and we were on the same page as far as a desire to adjust our life. We wanted to start living more in line with who we really were instead of who we thought we were supposed to be. We wanted to focus on what we wanted instead of comparing ourselves to some American Dream ideal. So over the course of a few years, we began to slowly eliminate the things that felt like extra weight.
And we lived happily ever after, and simplified, and lived a minimalist life with trash-free garbage cans, right? Wrong. We got a divorce. Then three months later, with the divorce still in process, I lost my job.
Out of habit, I began applying for corporate jobs, just like I had been doing for the past 15 years. Even though they were jobs I really didn’t want, I needed a job to pay for my house and car and possessions. It’s just what you do. The idea is that I’m irresponsible if I don’t. There’s the tape that played in the back of my mind that if I don’t continue with the same pattern of life, everything would fall apart. But it had fallen apart anyway.
I remember one point, face in my palms, I reflected on all that had happened up to that point. Images of all the major events of the past few years rushed through my mind in a fast-forward montage. Proudly owning the big house. Self-discovery. Selling the big house and buying the smaller one. The divorce. The job loss. I felt like crying, but something deeper took over.
I experienced awareness, deep inside, that this was exactly how it should be. And it was okay, and even good. So much of my life had been stripped down by that point, and all that was left was the real me. No more to lose. And no need to surround myself with stuff.
I realized that the main reason I would be going back into Cubicle Land was so I could stay surrounded with proof of my success. So I could maintain the American Dream, complete with all the cool modern furniture, clothing and toys. Nothing wrong with those things, but I just wanted a truly fresh start. A life I could live wherever I wanted and how I wanted, without having to worry about where I would keep things if I wanted to travel somewhere. My thinking boiled it all down to the fact that it was really just a simple trade-off:
“If I keep all these things, I will need to pay for somewhere to keep them,” I thought. “I could buy keep the house or rent someplace to keep them, but I just don’t want to be weighed down with that cost. Because that cost will require me to have a certain type of job, and that type of job will limit my freedom. So which do I value more? These possessions or freedom?” I chose freedom.
Many will read that and think, “But it’s not that simple. It’s not that dualistic. You can have possessions and have freedom.” Of course.
But I didn’t quit possessions, I quit materialism, which for me is the idea that more possessions are proof that one is following the prescribed model for what freedom should look like. My old thinking (even if it was subconscious) was that the American Dream means freedom to accumulate wealth, which is made visible with possessions, the amount and quality of which may vary by user.
I wanted to take tangible action to get out of that system. And I had an opportunity, thanks to divorce and job loss, to take big, bold action, so I did.
I sold my house. Gave the furniture to my ex-wife. Sold my car. Gave away many of my clothes. Sold almost all my books. Got rid of a lot of stuff I had held onto just because I didn’t want to let it go. And I left, with just a backpack of necessities. And I felt the easiest way to start over with this cleaner, smaller slate, was to do something I’d been wanting to try for some time: move to another country.
I’ve been living in a one-room cabin in a remote jungle village in Central America. I write for a living, and can work from anywhere in the world that has Internet. I don’t have much money, or a permanent home. I don’t know exactly how long I will be here, or where I’ll end up, even in the next few months. But I do know that I am free.
Read more on Quitting on The Good Life.
Image credit: Number Six (bill lapp)/Flickr
Great article! When we decide to live with uncertainty, we begin living a great life. Absolutely true, not possession but the cult of materialism thinking that it will bring more happiness. It really brings misery and envy. Thank you for sharing your story, it’s very encouraging. I am a such great peace depending on faithfulness in the Creator to lead me to where HE wants me to go!
God dam your spoiled
I am not ready for the jungle cabin yet. Eventually. But not yet. My wife works for a major university and is very content in her work. I was a teacher for 10 years, made a change to management/marketing and have been there for 5 years. I am ready to change again soon…. this time working on academic work, communications consulting work and translations. My graduate degree is in languages and so it’s time to consolidate all that effort and turn it into a money-maker that also gives me my freedom. And when I say freedom I don’t mean freedom… Read more »
“Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose…”
Well good for you if you are happy, happiness is what we are all looking for. But to tell you the truth I am glad not everyone thinks like you because if it wasn’t for the over achievers, materialistic millionares you would not have the luxury of writing in a computer from where ever you wish on the internet. So I beleive the world needs all types of people and you just happen to be one kind. Good Luck. But for some reason I think this ” I dont care, I dont mind, I dont need” attitude of yours will… Read more »
Thanks for your comment, Marlen, it good to get your differing perspective. I suggest, however, that you are confusing an adjustment of focus (away from a desire for more things), with a lack of drive. Just because one decides to live outside the traditional model of American lifestyle does not mean they have lost drive or ambition and have no desire to “do” anything. Additionally, keep in mind that, typically, those millionaires were not millionaires when they invented things like computers etc. (Actually most of the were scientists.) So having money does not necessarily equate to productivity. It is simply… Read more »
I think this is the American Dream, to pursue happiness. It’s been twisted into owning more stuff by people who want to sell you stuff and by the whole in our minds that tells us to fill it with acquisition. But we are individuals who can choose what we want for ourselves. I learned this lesson fairly early in life when I saw couples buying big houses and new cars and the latest chic furniture. They never spent any time in that house because they both had to work all the time to afford it. That didn’t look like living… Read more »
Felicia, that is great observation for you at an early age. Life is about relationships and experiences we create with each other and not in things we own.
Excellent post. I have realized that one doesn’t have to get rid of everything to reduce the materialism in one’s life. I have changed my own materialism over the past 10 years or so for reasons of life altering events as well. To start with, I am glad that very early in my marriage my husband and I understood that we didn’t need to buy lots of “stuff” to be happy. So, we always lived well within our means. He had an early “mid-life crisis” and decided to quit his high-level job and find something he would enjoy more. It… Read more »
I grew up in a socialist country where no one had a lot and everyone had enough. Materialism as a value was almost impossible to develop. I now live in the US, making 30k a year in a job I absolutely adore and that gives me lots of freedom. I would NEVER exchange it for a higher paying job I didn’t like and which left me no time to enjoy that extra money.
I feel sorry for Americans – it’s so hard for people growing up here to escape the soul-crunching jaws of materialism. Glad you got away, eventually.
Beautiful!
Breaking on the rocks of someone else’s dream, mistakenly thinking it’s ours.
Simplicity becomes everything, gratefulness resides within the smallest pieces.
Namaste!
I call it breaking away from this Matrix. Which do you choose? The red pill world or blue pill world! I have a similiar story and I am now almost out of bondage from a system that designed to keep you in bondage. The so called ” American Dream” has turned into “The American Nightmare” or many americans today. WAKE UP my fellow man and woman! Look at this world with a different set of eyes. Then pull the curtains back and see what’s really going on… Live Free!!!!!
@Stephen: I dig the Matrix analogy. Another that might fit is Plato’s allegory of the cave. The truth is that most can’t see what is really going on and has been from the beginning of this country because all they see is what is put in front of them. What is front of them was put there by someone else who had an agenda which didn’t care or appreciate them.I might ad that for some of t5hose in the cave getting out can be a dark depressing experience. For someone like the Virtuous Pervert, who was a head of the… Read more »
A quick correction: the Virtuous Pervert is a she, not a he 🙂
Love it. To me it comes down to the question of “What is it you seek?” and of all the answers, material possessions are low on that list. I like that you talk about freedom in this article. It makes me realize how I should really contemplate more on that.
I did the same thing some years ago. It’s amazing how tangible one’s freedom is when you can carry all of your possessions on your back, and how little money you need, then, to support yourself. It’s actually not hard to do, it’s just sometimes hard to start. I did not go through a divorce like the author did. I just started giving all of my extra stuff to thrift stores, garbage-bag by garbage-bag. The first few times it was a little difficult, and I probably got rid or one or two things I should have hung onto, but the… Read more »
This is brilliant.
Full disclosure, I met this writer at a bus stop in a tiny town in Costa Rica, and within 5 minutes, knew his voice would resonate with GMP readers, because it resonated with me. I’m more than pleased to see that he’s on here. Bravo on all counts.
I late 2001 we Americans were told that if we stopped buying things then the terrorists would win. Where’s your sense of patriotism? Are you rooting for the evildoers?….
I’m naturally a little morbid, so when people talk about living the good life I think about being on my deathbed. When I’m on my deathbed looking back on my life, am I going to regret the material possessions I didn’t acquire? (Besides good medical coverage, which might have prevented me from dying anyway.) Probably not. I bet I would regret other things and look back with fondness on other things besides my material objects. Sometimes I think materialism isn’t selfish ENOUGH, actually. Too many people pursue material objects to please or impress other people. If the stuff doesn’t make… Read more »
@D.T.Brown: I feel you bro. But it’s hard,damn hard to do what you are doing. So, difficult In fact, as I am writing this in the computer lab at school I am crying because I recognize the symptoms of the struggle.I .too suffered from debilitating anxiety attacks as a youth obsessed with making it in a world that didn’t want me at all, concerned daily with proving that I was a man to everyone. I had no voice that was my own. The movement, my parents, my government, my church, my family and many others all wanted me to do… Read more »
D.T.BROWN
I dream of doing the same.
All my adult life has been a fight to pay for a house,an appartment,furniture,remodeling,redecorating,and then looking for a new home in the best location..large enough for all my stuff….
It is an never ending prosess.
Thanks everyone for the comments…Kim and OG: In my experience so far, it rally is easier than many think, practically speaking at least, even for married couples with children..I’ve seen many families living differently, with fewer things and far less than we typically think of as things we “need.” The hard part is just taking that first step. I sorta got kicked into a situation where it was easier for me to say…in the words of one awesome commenter here, “Well, okay then… Let’s do this.” It’s a mindset thing. And when you get out here in the open ocean,… Read more »