Why Does It Matter How Many Partners She’s Had?

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About Hugo Schwyzer

Hugo Schwyzer has taught history and gender studies at Pasadena City College since 1993, where he developed the college's first courses on Men and Masculinity and Beauty and Body Image. He serves as co-director of the Perfectly Unperfected Project, a campaign to transform young people's attitudes around body image and fashion. Hugo lives with his wife, daughter, and six chinchillas in Los Angeles. Hugo blogs at his website

Comments

  1. obvious says:

    The answer is obvious. There is a huge difference between 4 and 14. Guy or Girl.
    It says if that person is loose and thus the odds of cheating and or just dumping you are significantly higher. I don’t know the stats but I’d bet a dollar the higher number of people someone has slept with the more likely the relationship is to not last. So its not “just a number” that’d be like telling the court what the difference between shooting 4 and 14 people. Its just a number officer.

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  3. Meh, if a girl has been with a lot of guys, and then all the sudden she would make me jump through hoops (or any other ‘nice’ guy) for sex, I would find that rather hurtful or distrustful. It’s like saying since, Sam, Billy, Joe, and w/e played you like a fool now I have to suffer as well. It’s hard to find a girl who was ‘promiscuous’ to not show it through their behavior or something in there personality. And that goes for men too. Men should respect themselves too and not ‘whore -out’ to any girl who says ‘yes’ let alone manipulating naive vulnerable women into something they will regret b/c that’s just almost evil.

  4. Every now and again, we revisit this idea. And *every single time*, we fail to question the statistics. How can the average number of partners be seven for men and four for women? (Or, according to more recent figures, 11 and 7?) There are equal numbers of men and women in the world, and every time a man takes a new sexual partner, a woman is taking one too. Every point for the home team is a point for the away team. So the average *must be exactly the same*.

    (NB “gay sex” is not the answer – most surveys explicitly specify number of *heterosexual* partners.)

    • Randomizer says:

      I hesitate to reply, but…

      try this thought experiment: there are 5 men and 5
      women on an island. One man sleeps with three of the women. Everyone else is not sexually active. His number is therefore three, and none of the women have a number that exceeds one.

      Gah!

    • You are not taking into account party girls that let multiple men mount them every weekend for years on end, they drive the numbers way up.

  5. I find the statements to be interesting. The past is the past is a fallacy. We are in many way the sum total of our life experience. So there is an inherent right for promiscuous women to be dishonest about who they truly are. The most difficult thing for anyone is to find out the truth incrementally.So if promiscuous women were honest upfront, men can make an honest decision based on their beliefs and values. And what was the basis of the promiscuity. Were you just having a good time or was it something else. Trying to gain something, trading sex for drugs.. Last time I checked that behavior is called prostitution. Ladies give that some thought before you sell a good man dishonesty.

    • Ladies just to clarify. Many women will sleep with a man they normally would sleep with because he has drugs, coke. They will sell themselves the lie they were just out partying and we just did it. They did it for the coke. That truly is prostitution. You did it so you could get something.

  6. Wouldn’t sleep with. Sorry

  7. One thing that happens is particularly difficult for men. When formerly promiscuous women enter committed relationships they do not approach the sex within the marriage as they did in their 1, 2, 3 nite stands. In other words, the men whose names they didn’t know when they woke up the next day were given better than their husbands. Most men, me included, would overlook the previous promiscuity if we were treated as good, no better, than the nameless past partners. However, its usually not that way. This is nothing more than attempting to cover shame about the past. It is as self-destructive as the previous promiscuity. It ensure the destruction of the very thing they want. A committed, long term relationship.

  8. Oh, ladies. Oral sex in the parking lot of bar, at a party or anywhere else does constitute sex.

  9. It has been interesting reading everyone’s varied opinion. For me, I have been married almost 35 years and have only had sex with my husband. The vast majority of my female family members and friends have done the same. That was pretty typical of women in my generation in the U.S. However, even though most of us taught our children to be fairly conservative sexually, the succeeding generations have become a bit more relaxed than ours. Ultimately, I feel that it is up to the individual and couple-in my opinion, both sides need to be honest about what they want from each other long before they decide to be sexual with one another. I (and my grown children) liked the fact that we did not have to worry about getting pregnant at a young age, sexually transmitted diseases, etc. because we did not partake. However, I don’t feel that it makes me (or my grown children who are married now with children) better human beings, just people who did not have to expend energy worrying about things that other people (ones who are sexually active) have to worry about. However, I volunteer for the YWCA and there are many women who have been victims of sexual assault at such a young age. As a result, many of these women feel devalued and can sometimes become promiscuous because of something that happened to them (not their fault). Should we judge these people or anyone else who decides to become sexually active with a lot of men (or what most people consider a lot?)

    • PMM, although I respect what you have written, it should be made clear that the group of women we’re discussing do not fall into sexual assault victim category. Not all promiscuous women have been sexually taken advantage of. Just look at Jersey Shore or Teen Moms Tv shows…

  10. Does it matter says:

    I travel the world and I blow away these stats I’m MVP in my circle of friends I’m not going to even say my numbers but it’s triple digits and the good part is I’m still young male. So when I hear guys brag about have 10 20 or even 30 sexual partners I laugh. Because I trump that by a long shot. Charlie sheen is my hero … winning!

  11. If you were unmarried, I would hunt you down and woo you like there was no tomorrow! Very wise words and it definitely changes my perspective of men. I have agonized so much over my own “number” after being criticised by my most recent “mistake” that i have sworn to become celibate, just to figure out whether i am a whore or not. And no, my number isn’t even that high. Silly of me to even worry about it really, were I to use my head then I would have to conclude that I am in fact, still quite innocent. For all you men out there that disagree: you have no idea how much pain you can put someone through by obsessing about their number as some kind of proof of purity. Women are men too, actually. We are all human, we all have feelings and we all make mistakes. And honestly, without the experiences I have had (mostly bitter ones) I would not be the woman I am today. And to be in a relationship shouldn’t hurt. It should add something (good) to your life. So in stead of judging, how about getting to know the girl and then deciding whether this person is someone you can love. And really, let it go. Our number is indeed not what defines us, our choices do. And by that I don’t mean that any woman out there who has made, perhaps many mistakes, is somehow to be defined as a “ho” but rather that she might very well learned valuable lessons that someone with less experiece has not. It is not our mistakes that define us, but how we handle them.

    • I kinda want this to make it a general topic but it’s okay, lol.

      When we place one’s values on sexual encounters (the numbers) as a motive for one’s self-worthiness in society, it’s very retarded.

    • how am i supposed to know a girl if she refuses to tell a number? and there is a name for people who commit “many” mistakes, many same or similar mistakes – we call them fools. nice girls are gems, damaged ones are trouble.

      • And this is what our puritanical society pushes on us. That you can’t be ‘nice’ while also having more sexual partners–whether or not they were mistakes. You can give up all your spare time to help people in need, but if you’ve had too many sexual partners, you’re not nice. Ridiculous.

        • Once again Aya you avoid the topic at hand. It seems to me you cannot defend promiscuity so you have to change the subject. Here is the logic of your argument…

          I had sex with lots of men.

          I did some good deeds.

          My good deeds negate my promiscuous behavior and if you have a problem with that you are ridiculous.

      • “how am i supposed to know a girl if she refuses to tell a number?”- Aya

        Never ask a woman for her number she will gradually volunteer information through her stories. Never indicate you have a problem either and she will feel more relaxed and share information. If you don’t want to wait that long strike up a conversation about sex and let it slip how you feel about promiscuous women. Pay close attention to her responses, body language and emotions. I have found women that have nothing to hide will not even flinch. Women that are ashamed of their past will squirm or end the date on the spot. A real good indicator of a sordid past is the number of men that seem to know her well. Look at the way men react to her in public, are they too friendly or do they stand way to close to her? The ones that are near impossible to detect are the Spring Break / Vegas / College sluts. They realize they are never going to see any of these people ever again so no one will be able to tell their future husband about her deeds.

  12. To be frank, it’s simply unfair that a woman should be able to live a lifetime of sexual misconduct and still expect to end up in a monogamous relationship with a “nice guy”. The sad reality is that most cliche nice guys are simply too nice to “slut-shame” these reforming women, and end up with them anyhow. But! It should at least be with the transparency of her past behavior. There is more to a woman’s sexual history than just the question of “am I as good as the last thirty guys”. Her past behavior is indicative of her ability to commit, her moral judgement, and of course her health (STDs and the such).

    • My best friend and I were playful “man whores” in south beach for about 10 years. We have discussed the double standard in long conversations and have justified as so: At my prime in my mid and late 20s when woman took pictures of me simply walking around the beach I still had to give it MUCH effort to have sex. Almost any average girl can walk out the door and find some man to have sex with in 10 minutes or less. This is such a challenge for us men, making it a big deal. When we learn that a girl simply said yes over and over again we find it a major turn off. Currently I am with a girl who was extremely loose at a very young age and I have struggled accepting it. I love her but I hate that fact that sex meant NOTHING to her and I’m always questioning what our sex must mean….

      • Captain Obvious says:

        You sound very insecure Thomas. By the way — that’s your problem, not your girlfriend’s.

        • No its her problem!

          • Mr Supertypo says:

            ” No its her problem! ”

            No she doesn’t have a problem at all, he is making the case, so its his problem. if he didn’t care, this would not have been a issue at all. Since he cares, that means has the problem. So the problem is again his.

            • Yes its her problem her values are at odds with his so your point is not relevant.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “Yes its her problem her values are at odds with his so your point is not relevant.”

              NO. He has the problem, that’s the reason he was complaining. She isn’t complaining, he is. THEREFORE without doubt he is the troubled one (the person with the problem).

            • We disagree and you failed to make your point.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              ” We disagree and you failed to make your point”

              Its not a matter of opinions, but of fact. He has the problem on her. Ergo its his problem. If you disagree, please speak your mind.

            • I have spoken my mind you just keep repeating your mantra. I will not comment anymore on this particular line its a waste of time. You have utterly failed to make your point.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “I have spoken my mind you just keep repeating your mantra. I will not comment anymore on this particular line its a waste of time. You have utterly failed to make your point.”

              Take a run then, my point is clear, but if somebody dont want to listen, its not my fault.

      • Mr Supertypo says:

        ” Currently I am with a girl who was extremely loose at a very young age and I have struggled accepting it. I love her but I hate that fact that sex meant NOTHING to her and I’m always questioning what our sex must mean”

        Now you are exaggerating. Off course sex means something, what do you think? And the matter she had a happy youth is totally irrelevant. My gf had also a fancy past. And we go along together just fine. Here is a tip, if she had lot of fun in the past, the chances that she go to the infidelity camp is much lower, than somebody who remained virgin till they hit 30. And about the sex, with all the experience she had in the past, it means you are over the top. Otherwise she would have gone with the wind, long time ago. My advice, relax and enjoy it. Dont make problems were there are none.

  13. Hate to break it to you girls, but the number does matter for a man. And it’s all to do with atavistic male psychology – trouble is, this is not comfortable stuff in this PC- non-judgmental age in which we are meant to be living. but it is basic and probably biological/evolutionary in nature…A man will in most cases always be happier with a woman who has not been around so much. And no, I don’t think that men should put it about either. This kind of stuff can blow a relationship out the water.

    • The Blurpo says:

      Maybe for you Chris, but I actually prefer a woman who has experience, someone who knows how to do stuff. My biggest turn off, a virgin. One who has been around is much more funnier to deal with. Both for short time, and long time relationship. Personally I couldn settle with a girl who has been in celibacy for all her life till I came around. But thats me.

  14. Biology, pfft. Try hypocrisy and insecurity. Guys who care about this are just pathetic – and probably as crap in bed as they suspect they are. All I know is, if I heard a guy call a woman a “slut” or “whore”, HE was off MY list – and it was his loss. I’ve been married for 10+ years now, and have never cheated – I got all that casual sex out of my system when I was single. Most of the women I know who got married to their “first” (usually because she got knocked up) HAVE cheated. I ask my man if he cares about the number, and he says as far as he’s concerned he’s reaping all the benefits of my previous experience. (Periods = BJ week, btw.) Have fun with your lousy – or non-existent – sex, vanilla boys! And thanks to the author of this for being a real man, not a neurotic child.

    • The Blurpo says:

      I think you have a point with that insecurity, but I also think its the way how some guys have been raised, in some places (including where I come from) they encorage you, to find a virgin girl so you can mold them after your liking, You maybe get surpriced that thise advices are more prevalent from female family members, like mothers, aunts, granparents.

      And I agree with your man, I also enjoy reaping the benefits of her past experiences :-D

    • Well, Dana, you can’t project yourself like how everyone woman is no more than Chris can project how every guy is. I tried dating a ‘virgin’ and she was so neurotic about sex and std’s that I didn’t even want it with her (that’s just trust issues on her part, I only been with one wife for 6 monogamous years and that was a couple years ago, NO, I’m not going to get an STD panel just to get in a virgin’s pants which would be a waste of time and money when I know I’m clean. I thought that was so silly when she asked that from me, and it gave me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.) I don’t necessarily want a ‘slut’ either b/c a lot of times that comes the other way in their personalities (which you do see) b/c of deeper psychological issues of self-hatred i.e. like that’s all they’re good for. So like with anything it’s a balance game of self-control, but yet a wise ‘risks’ in order to live life.

    • Insecurity has nothing to do with it. Im 32 and been with a few women (almost ten) and couldve had hundreds. Sex forms bonds and especially for women. You can say all you want casual this casual that, but in how many of those casual encounters led to you beong hurt? Fact is, most women as well as men I know do or have slept around due to their insecurities. And No, having more partners in no way makes you as a woman any better in bed than with the next guy, ive been with a few dumpstas in my time and they were awful. My best sex was with the very few women I loved and mande love to, and those relationships carry scars. I dont judge, but as I told girlfriends of mine, dont disrespect your body let a man earn your heart and your trust before ever forming that bond. And when they dont listen they come back crying why didnt he call etc etc. your number DOES matter. And for any guy to say he wants a women who doesnt value sex and would prefer a women whos been around to know what they like must be absolute saps in the sack. If I value it, id expect my woman too. Its a sign of strenght in a woman as well as a man. Jumping from bed to bed will never fill the void left from someone else. And most likely youll hate yourself later. And god forbid a good man loves you and protects you makes love to you something special realize youve in the past toss yourself around to doods who dont respect you….he wont respect you. But yes we are all forgiven but nvm what your man thinks of you you need to respect yourself. Guys are dicks and will smash it and run their mouths about what a dumpsta you are and NO woman wants that pfffft complete bs

    • I have a great deal of respect for Dana she is honest and her belligerence would let me know where I stand right away. Her insults I will ignore.

  15. To be honest, yes. There is a number at which no matter how amazing a woman is I will not even talk to a woman who has reached or passed it. I think it is totally reasonable, even in this day and age, and no it’s not sexist at all because I am below this number as well and intend to stay there.

    Who wants to be with a woman that has screwed every other guy in town? There’s no intimacy there, and you can’t pretend that there is. No way I’d ever consider a woman like that, since she’s so “sexually liberated” go have fun with the swingers, but don’t expect those of us who aren’t man-whores to want anything to do with you.

    The number is 8, and that is way too generous.

    • The Blurpo says:

      “Who wants to be with a woman that has screwed every other guy in town?”

      I would, I like women who has tryed stuff, who has been around, who knows what to do in bed. Also have something to talk about. One more like me, rather than a virgin, who has never seen a penis before : honey do u have a gun in bed? no, thats not a gun, thats a cannon….muahahahaha!
      Nah does not work for me, who ever she was with before I came around, belongs to the history books (metaphorically speaking) and the same is true for me.
      About the intimacy, well thats something we create, together, indifferently what happen before. You create your future. You can also find the woman of your dreams, and discover shes not so amazing after all, same true for me.

      Conclusion, better sexually liberated than sexually oppressed. And im no man-whore (wtf is that for a word, do u mean a Gigolo? well call them by their name, dont invent weird words).

      • You choose says:

        What is wrong with you. I have tons of friends and none of them think like you. You must be one of those guys who doesn’t get much and always agrees with females. Not to many guys like you bro,you can keep the whores cuz no one wants them

        • Mr Supertypo says:

          “What is wrong with you. I have tons of friends and none of them think like you. You must be one of those guys who doesn’t get much and always agrees with females. Not to many guys like you bro,you can keep the whores cuz no one wants them”

          dude whatever makes u happy. And the way you talk about women, speaks more on who you are.

  16. Prabhjot Willing says:

    To all those men out there who claim it doesn’t matter to them how many partners she had in the past – Why don’t you guys marry sluts and whores ? there are so many of them.Atleast you would be doing one good thing by giving them a meaningful life other than whoring around.And for those dumb guys who believe that being virgin is ridiculous ,I think you seriously need to do a mental health check.I would rather salute a woman for being chaste who has kept herself virgin for that special man in her life(except for the unfortunate ones who got assh**es as their men).Even Jesus chose to be born out of a virgin.What matters is not that she’s a virgin, but her true willingness to explore and enjoy sex with her man while she learns when they grow in their sexual lives together.So it’s her attitude and not her past experience that matters.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      @Prabhjot Willing, dude to each its own, dont be an ass cuz they always get the kick in the end.
      And there are no such as sluts or whores. WTF is that? a adult person is responsible ALONE of its sexuality, if she need sex from lots of men, more power to her. You dont want to marry her, well then dont.
      But its not cool trying to ruin the party to the people who are having fun, just because you dont like the music.
      I like a woman who has been around and know stuff, you dont like this kind of woman. Im cool with that, people have different tastes. Thats life.

      • “You dont want to marry her, well then dont”.-Supertypo

        If women would be honest and forth coming with their value system and past then we could make informed decisions.Guys that care don’t get upset about honest women, we refuse to see them as marriage prospects and we move on. Its the women that lie and think the lies can be maintained forever that bother us.

        “But its not cool trying to ruin the party to the people who are having fun, just because you dont like the music.”-Supertypo

        No one is attempting to ruin your fun or ram their value system down your throat. The issue is women AND men that lead dual lives or change their value system at the drop of a hat. Please revel in what you are….

        • Mr Supertypo says:

          “If women would be honest and forth coming with their value system and past then we could make informed decisions.Guys that care don’t get upset about honest women, we refuse to see them as marriage prospects and we move on. Its the women that lie and think the lies can be maintained forever that bother us.”

          Why refuse them as marriage prospects? the past is past, its the present and the future that count. So why? a woman who fooled around in her youth its just as good as the holy virgin. What it is important beside the mutual feelings is that she (and you) are responsible adult who dont go and have “fun” with other people in hte hidden. The rest is totally nonsense. And there are plenty of guys who dont care at all of the woman past. Because is plain and simple irrilevant.

          “No one is attempting to ruin your fun or ram their value system down your throat. The issue is women AND men that lead dual lives or change their value system at the drop of a hat. Please revel in what you are….”

          The issue is somebody spent to much time worrying over other people past rather than focus on the present. Let the past be, its now that is important.

          • “Why refuse them as marriage prospects? “- Supertypo

            I disagree with their value system and I detest women that claim to have changed. To each their own Supertypo keep your values I will keep mine.

            “And there are plenty of guys who dont care at all of the woman past. Because is plain and simple irrilevant”-Supertypo.

            There are plenty that do care and i will dismiss your attempt to claim you speak for the majority.I

            ” The issue is somebody spent to much time worrying over other people past rather than focus on the present. Let the past be, its now that is important.”- Supertypo

            I tend to doubt people that turn their value systems on and off at will.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “disagree with their value system and I detest women that claim to have changed. To each their own Supertypo keep your values I will keep mine.”

              Now I tell you one thing. The only kind of people who never changes their mind, are the one who doesn’t have one. People change all the time. look at yourself, can you honestly say you are the same person NOW as you were when you had 18 years? And whats about all the “keep your values I will keep mine”? Thats not a answer, I asked you a question, why are you evading? the question is WHY refuse them as marriage potential? why?

              “There are plenty that do care and i will dismiss your attempt to claim you speak for the majority.”

              The old guard are losing members and fast. And im cool with that. Its not fair judging people on their past. All humans deserve a fair chance.

              “I tend to doubt people that turn their value systems on and off at will”

              at will? hey if she ready to settle, that means that phase of her life is over. Belive it or not, people grow up soon or later. Like they stop watching cartoons, or play with LEGO, or going to a rave ect. One day that doesn’t interest you anymore, and you have other priorities in your mind. Thats it. People change all the time, so do I, so you, so do her.
              And honestly I find kinda weird that somebody will go amok on a woman (or a man) past, its not like she robbed banks or killed people. For god sake, she just had fun. Do you also dislike people if they had a drink once in their life?

            • “And whats about all the “keep your values I will keep mine”? Thats not a answer, I asked you a question, why are you evading?”- Supertypo

              Nice of you to cherry pick my response then spin it into evading. I answered the question so you are willfully ignoring what I said or your reading comprehension is lacking. You seem intelligent so I will chalk up to spin and cherry picking.

              “the question is WHY refuse them as marriage potential? why?”-Supertypo

              Last time Supertypo, I doubt people that turn their value systems on and off at will are sincere.

              “.And honestly I find kinda weird that somebody will go amok on a woman”- supertypo

              I never said anything about going amok on a woman your attempt to paint anyone that disagrees with your view point as out of control is over the top.You really need to choose your descriptive words better.

              “Do you also dislike people if they had a drink once in their life?”-Supertypo

              What? You can do better than that Supertypo that was lame and diverting from the topic. So was the rest of your discourse about cartoons and legos.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              ” Last time Supertypo, I doubt people that turn their value systems on and off at will are sincere.”

              see was that so hard to answer? what are your definition for values? because I feel we are going in circles.

              “I never said anything about going amok on a woman your attempt to paint anyone that disagrees with your view point as out of control is over the top.You really need to choose your descriptive words better.”

              No you didnt say anything about going amok, thats true, but your obsession are. The way you simply distrust other people simply because they had a happy past it doesent seem healthy from my perspective. And im not trying to antagonize you. Just trying to understand, and off course we disagree.

              ” What? You can do better than that Supertypo that was lame and diverting from the topic. So was the rest of your discourse about cartoons and legos. ”

              But it is a fact, people change all the time, and so do their values. Nothing is written in stone. And the LEGO analogy is quite fitting, because it shows how the life changes, and evolve, and so do their behavior. This is for you, me and everybody. See kids play with LEGO, then they grow up and changes interest. Same thing happen for guys and gals, they have a phase where they go “crazy” on each other, some more than others, but its a phase. It pass, for some people, sooner, for others it takes longer. But as a rule when they are ready to settle, that phase in their life its over. And it aint coming back.

              But anyways, why so defensive Scott? lets cut the c**p shall we? if you feel I am so offensive against you, let call it a draw and stop it here. We agree to disagree. ok?

            • “see was that so hard to answer?”- Supertypos

              Good lord supertypos I have said it repeatedly.Now you are pretending I never answered the question or was evading it. I am not impressed with your debating tactic.

              “But anyways, why so defensive Scott? lets cut the c**p shall we?”-Supertypo

              Defensive funny I was thinking the same thing about you. Your debating skillsl are lacking and consist largely of insults. In the absence of making a logical point launch an offensive, cherry pick comments and take them out of context.I will however accept that we disagree but I would like you to explain your analogy posted below.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “Defensive funny I was thinking the same thing about you. Your debating skillsl are lacking and consist largely of insults. In the absence of making a logical point launch an offensive, cherry pick comments and take them out of context.I will however accept that we disagree but I would like you to explain your analogy posted below.”

              Yeah sure, meanwhile, you have failed to give some good reason, beside a vague explanation based on some vague values…or something.
              My debating skills are largely based on insults? dude you are the one who offend other people with your prejudges, also a kinda obsolete view based on some weird values that only you knows. And for some strange reason, you refuse to explain them, trying to divert the question on a rant on how much people insult you and that cherry pick thingy you mention or whatever.

              And beside that you have a obsession with insults. Whats the matter do people insult you all the time? relax not everybody is out to get your back. Cheer up.

              Anyways, what are your definition of values, and no this is not a attempt to evade, this is a genuine question. And no this time, dont divert it. EXPLAIN. Thank you.

            • “relax not everybody is out to get your back. Cheer up”.

              Now anyone that disagrees with you is paranoid you are and obnoxious little child supertypo and need to learn some manners. Your arrogance is just over the top! An once again nothing but diversion avoidance and more insults and pretending I didn’t answer questions coping skills of a child.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              ” Now anyone that disagrees with you is paranoid you are and obnoxious little child supertypo and need to learn some manners. Your arrogance is just over the top! An once again nothing but diversion avoidance and more insults and pretending I didn’t answer questions coping skills of a child.”

              Yeah maybe all what you say, but at least I dont judge people on the vague values, that you mention AND are not even able to explain. Anyhow, I spent some thinking on this subject, and the only way I can agree with you is…..if she was promiscuous uintil last month. Then suddently changed and wants to marry. YES on that point I agree on you, and on that point ONLY. Because if was promiscuous when she was a girl I cant see what it has to do with today. Then call me arrogant or dumb or whatever you want. But you have no point. Just words in the wind.

              So how about your values? aren’t they a little bit akin to honor?

  17. Diamonds4me says:

    This is ridiculous!! Being judgemental when someone’s number of sexual partners nears 10?….10??? Are you joking? I’m a young woman and have had my share of relationships brief and longer and I passed 10 a while ago! A long while ago. I am a nice girl who doesn’t participate In promiscuous/one night stand kinds of situations, and yet my number grows. Compared with others my age my number is low (the average I’ve heard is around 25-30). What on earth have you people been doing with your lives????

    • Eeew you ms are gross.. I would never marry a woman with a number in the 20s.. Why do you’ll complain about this.. It is what it is, either accept it or shut up. I bet you wouldn’t marry a man with a 2 inch penis right. We all have preferences and almost all men want a woman with low numbers.

  18. The issue for me when a woman has a high number is why does she want to be with me? If she got used to having lots of men some of them probably better than I am why give up the lifestyle? When I ask these questions the usual responses center around settling down, security, family and love… My next response is, why me why now? About this time the woman is starting to squirm and will try to flatter me but I am immune ot flattery. I want the question answered and what it usually boils down to is this line, ” you have fun with the bad boys you marry the nice guys”. At this point I have lost interest and will never take any of her talk of love seriously ever again. The only reason she is with me is because its convient for her as she enters a different phase in her life. She has shed her promiscous ways and would like to remake herself into a monogamous lady full of virtue. She will demand I believe this farce and play the role of prince charming to get what she gave to other men freely and on a whim.

    • First of all–she “gave” nothing. Sex is something shared. Not something a woman “gives” to a man. Second of all. What? You can’t have fun with BOTH nice and bad boys? Are you saying nice guys can’t be fun? And why you, why now? Maybe she’s fallen in love with you. Gasp! Are people really this cynical about love? So what if she’s entered a different phase in her life? People do this all the time–with changing careers, buying new homes, going back to school, having children, changing majors, developing a taste for sushi when you found it gross before, finding religion/discovering atheism. It’s nothing malicious. Most of the guys I know are so over the mindset you have, but then again, I live in a liberal town. My boyfriend, who is dearly and utterly in love with me lets me have sex with other men because he’s lower libido at the moment. I would let him do the same if the situation were reversed.

  19. “First of all–she “gave” nothing. Sex is something shared. Not something a woman “gives” to a man “-Aya

    Ok Aya we will call it sharing if you like the message is still the same a minor play on words changes nothing.

    “So what if she’s entered a different phase in her life? People do this all the time–with changing careers, buying new homes, going back to school, having children, changing majors, developing a taste for sushi when you found it gross before, finding religion/discovering atheism. It’s nothing malicious “-Aya

    Can you frame your respones to the topic at hand. Your response is weak comparing sex to sushi and buying a house etc… I never said women were malicous for doing this they just do what they want and expect no consequences for their actions.

    ” My boyfriend, who is dearly and utterly in love with me lets me have sex with other men because he’s lower libido at the moment”- Aya

    He must really love you and be afraid of losing you. It probably eats him alive knowing you are being pleasured by other men but he will NEVER tell you that no matter how liberal he says he is or how loudly you proclaim to know his mind.

    • Of course there are consequences to every action. I just don’t get men or women get so hung up on something as natural as sex. I don’t care if my man has had 100 or zero partners. That was his journey and his past. I won’t think that he’s a loser if he’s a virgin and if he shows that he’s ready for commitment, I don’t see why I’d mind that he played around in the past. It’s about us now, not all of those other people. If he’s sexual with me and loves me, his past is simply part of how he got there. I used to get butthurt when I learned about a partner’s sexual past. I always assumed that he would compare me. I couldn’t believe that a guy might have had sex with a certain girl (I freaked out when I learned a partner had an ex in the sex industry), with so many girls, or performed certain acts. Now I realize how foolish I was being. As long as he’s disease free and we’re honest and adventurous while we’re together, what’s the big deal?

      • Mr Supertypo says:

        ‘ Of course there are consequences to every action. I just don’t get men or women get so hung up on something as natural as sex. I don’t care if my man has had 100 or zero partners ‘

        Well said, some people needs to grow up and understand that women as all other human beins HAVE a sexuality, and they are in the full right to use. I dont get either why I should spent time whining over how many partners my woman had before me. WHO F*****G CARES. You can call it whatever you want, but going nuts over this issue, its surely not love.

        • “Well said, some people needs to grow up and understand that women as all other human beins HAVE a sexuality, and they are in the full right to use”- Supertypo

          No one is denying women their sexuality but I reserve the right to pass judgement when it comes time for marriage. As far as growing up you need to learn how to make a point without hurling insults, it shows a lack of maturity on your part and does not make your points any clearer.
          “I dont get either why I should spent time whining over how many partners my woman had before me. WHO F*****G CARES”- Supertypo

          Men usually don’t whine about the subject they just leave the woman and move on. The guys that are upset are the ones that were tricked into marriage or relationships under false pretenses and find themselves vested (children, financial etc…) so disengagement becomes mor painful than staying with her.. Once again learn to make your points without hurling insults and you will sound more mature.

          • Mr Supertypo says:

            ” No one is denying women their sexuality but I reserve the right to pass judgement when it comes time for marriage. As far as growing up you need to learn how to make a point without hurling insults, it shows a lack of maturity on your part and does not make your points any clearer. ”

            Dude dont try to change the subject , my points could not be clearer, women have their own sexuality exactly as us men, and the right to exercise it. What judgement in the name of haven do you want to give? what problem does that cause? I dont get it.

            “Men usually don’t whine about the subject they just leave the woman and move on.”

            Oh Nooohohoho. Here you are wrong, deadly wrong. Must men don’t act like that. Unless there have been infidelity involved. In that case I agree. But most men just would simply not care. Because this is a non issue.

            ” The guys that are upset are the ones that were tricked into marriage or relationships under false pretenses and find themselves vested (children, financial etc…) so disengagement becomes mor painful than staying with her.. Once again learn to make your points without hurling insults and you will sound more mature.”

            What false pretenses are you talking about? do you love your woman? she loves you and she doesn’t fool around? well in name of god whats the problem? juvenile experiences should ruin your future of a family with children, simply because you cannot grasp that she as a girl, had fun? excuse me, she doesn’t have a problem. Shes just fine. YOU have a problem, and in this case, dealing with irrational phobias and insecurity I suggest a psychotherapy. And no that’s not a insult but a genuine advice. Because you are making a mess in your life and in hers over something that has no meaning at all.

            • “Dude dont try to change the subject , my points could not be clearer, women have their own sexuality exactly as us men, and the right to exercise it”-Supertypo

              How did I change the subject? I agreed with your point maybe not to the level you would have liked.

              ” What judgement in the name of haven do you want to give? “- Supertypo

              I was pretty clear I reserve the right not to marry a promiscuous woman. Are you pretending you didn’t understand that statement?

            • “Shes just fine. YOU have a problem, and in this case, dealing with irrational phobias and insecurity I suggest a psychotherapy. And no that’s not a insult but a genuine advice”- Supertypo

              Wow Supertypo anyone that disgrees with your value system has phobias and is insecure? You are bordering on obnoxious! Make logical points and stop hurling insults. I doubt you will be able to it creeps into every post you make.

            • disagrees

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “Wow Supertypo anyone that disgrees with your value system has phobias and is insecure? You are bordering on obnoxious! Make logical points and stop hurling insults. I doubt you will be able to it creeps into every post you make.”

              Ok let me try to explain the concept better.

              I am in a party, with lots of people. now there one Inuit guy. And im scared of him. Who has the problem? me or him?

              The guy is having fun, drinking, chatting, laughing, dancing. But I am hiding in a corner, trembling with fear. Suddenly the Inuit guy looks at me, and I scream in panic. The Inuit guy, confused by my scream says….whats your problem man?

              He doesent have a problem, I have, Im the scared one. He isn’t going to kill me. He didn’t even notice me. I am not a problem for him, but he is for me. Why? because I have the PROBLEM.

              Hope you understand the anology :-)

            • Ok Supertypo I’ll bite…

              “I am in a party, with lots of people. now there one Inuit guy. And im scared of him. Who has the problem? me or him?”- Supertypo

              You are implying all men that don’t like promiscuous women are afraid of them and thats the guys problem. Fear has nothing to do with it, its about values so you already lost me on that point.

              ” The guy is having fun, drinking, chatting, laughing, dancing. But I am hiding in a corner, trembling with fear. Suddenly the Inuit guy looks at me, and I scream in panic. The Inuit guy, confused by my scream says….whats your problem man?”-Supertypo

              More talk of fear, screaming and panic. All men that reject promiscuous women experience these emotions and states of mind. I reject that out of hand!

              ” He doesent have a problem, I have, Im the scared one. He isn’t going to kill me. He didn’t even notice me. I am not a problem for him, but he is for me. Why? because I have the PROBLEM”-Supertypo

              More talk of fear. Once again its about values I am not afraid of promiscuous women.

              I would be willing to hear another analogy or let you try to explain this one if I am wrong.

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “You are implying all men that don’t like promiscuous women are afraid of them and thats the guys problem. Fear has nothing to do with it, its about values so you already lost me on that point”

              All the explanation I heard so far leads to fear and insecurity. You dislike people who changes values? why? why is that a problem?

            • “All the explanation I heard so far leads to fear and insecurity. You dislike people who changes values?”

              I take back my assessment of your intelligence all you see is fear and insecurity when I talk about values. Your reading comphrehension is nonexistant and I am done you can have the final word its going to be more of your insulting gibberish I am sure…

            • Mr Supertypo says:

              “I take back my assessment of your intelligence all you see is fear and insecurity when I talk about values. Your reading comphrehension is nonexistant and I am done you can have the final word its going to be more of your insulting gibberish I am sure…”

              ok you have a point, maybe its not fear, but honor. You know, you feel humiliated because the woman is not that pure angel you wish she were. She has been damaged, and do you know why? because she has encountered captain penis before. Right? ;-)

              If not, dont wander around the subject, and tell straight out what your values are, otherwise I stand in my case.

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      @Scott, He must really love you and be afraid of losing you. It probably eats him alive knowing you are being pleasured by other men but he will NEVER tell you that no matter how liberal he says he is or how loudly you proclaim to know his mind.”

      Scott, did you know for some people this is a major turn on?

      • “Scott, did you know for some people this is a major turn on?”-Mr Supertyo

        Yes I do and to each their own.

        I wonder if Aya’s boyfriend was monogamous with her before he started to have problems?

        • Yes, he was monogamous. By his choice, not mine. And some women also get turned on by seeing their men with other women.

          • So Aya he values monogamy and an exclusive relationship with you I tend to doubt he is okay with you having sex with other men. He really does love you and is afraid of losing you.

  20. Women complain about how unfair it is that men are called studs when they sleep around, yet women get called sluts for the exact same behavior. It’s actually not a double standard though, because both scenarios are pretty different in terms of circumstances and consequences. I can think of at least four crucial differences:

    First, sleeping around is easier for women. Regardless of how you feel about promiscuity, we can all agree that a guy who manages to rack up a lot of sexual partners has to have some skills. It’s challenging for men to rack up partners, even for men with low standards. A man needs social intelligence, interpersonal skills, persistence, thick skin, and plain old dumb luck. For women, though, a vagina and a pulse is often enough. Whenever an accomplishment requires absolutely no challenge, no one respects it. It’s just viewed as a lack of self-discipline. People respect those who accomplish challenging feats, while they consider those who overindulge in easily obtained feats as weak, untrustworthy or flawed.

    Second, women have potential to do more harm by sleeping around than men do. Say a man sleeps around with a bunch of different women. He’s definitely doing harm to these women if he pretends to be monogamous while sleeping around. He may cause them emotional pain by his promiscuity. He may cause unwanted pregnancy. He may spread VD. When women sleep around, however, they can cause not only all these same ill effects but one additional crucial ill effect: the risk of unknown parentage.

    If one guy sleeps around with five women, each of whom is monogamous to him, and they all get pregnant, it’s a safe bet as to who the father is. If you reverse genders and have one woman who sleeps around with five men who are monogamous to her, and she gets pregnant, the father could be any of the five men. And if one of those men is tricked into raising a baby that isn’t his, he’s investing time, money, estate and property to provide for a child that isn’t carrying his DNA into the next generations, a costly mistake from an evolutionary standpoint.

    Our two basic primal drives are to survive and to reproduce, and promiscuous women traditionally make it hard for a man to know for sure whether he is truly reproducing or is secretly raising another man’s child. Men stand a lot more to lose from promiscuous women than the other way around. And it’s no picnic for the child to not know who his real father is either. And it’s a mess for the women carrying on the deception as well. Or just look at any random episode of the Maury show if you don’t believe me.

    Since the DNA test and the birth control pill didn’t exist until recently, there were no reliable ways to prevent pregnancy or prove parentage for most of human history. For this reason society developed a vested interest in preventing promiscuity among women, and society accomplished this by creating the slut stigma. And even though the creation of birth control and DNA tests have made this less of a risk than the past, longstanding traditions and customs are not easy for society to break so the slut stigma remains.

    Third, men have evolutionary reasons to be programmed to sleep around more. A lot of women roll their eyes when they hear that men are “hard-wired” to sleep around. But from an evolutionary standpoint, it makes total sense. If the two primal drives of humans are to survive and to reproduce, nothing leads to maximum reproduction like one man sleeping with multiple women. If one women sleeps with many men in a nine month period, she can only get pregnant just once. Nine months of rampant promiscuity would give the same result as nine months of highly sexed monogamy: one pregnancy. Now if one man sleeps with many women during a nine month period, you can get many pregnancies during that period. The more women he sleeps with, the more possible pregnancies.

    So from an evolutionary standpoint, there are concrete advantages to men being promiscuous compared to women being promiscuous. This doesn’t mean that women have evolved to be strictly monogamous. Women have evolved to be somewhat promiscuous too, something men badly underestimate. However they haven’t evolved to be as rampantly promiscuous as men.
    Fourth, promiscuity poses more risk to women than to men. A woman has more to lose from choosing bad sex partners than a man does. She’s the one who gets stuck with going through a pregnancy and taking care of a baby alone if she chooses a deadbeat. For this reason, promiscuous women throughout history have historically been viewed as being a vastly more irresponsible risk takers than promiscuous men, who rightly or wrongly could always run away from the consequences of unwanted pregnancies easier than women could.

    These four reasons explain why the longstanding tradition came about of men being rewarded for multiple partners while women get socially punished for similar promiscuity. Of course all this is gradually changing, but we’re up against millenia of evolutionary and cultural conditioning here, so don’t expect any dramatic overnight reversals.

    Understand that I’m just explaining why the double standard came into existence and not condoning or condemning it. This is not an attempt to pass judgment or be self-righteous in any way. It’s just an explanation of why the two conditions are treated differently.

    • Well written Sarah!

      I would add one more thin in regards to VD / STD. The woman runs the risk of destroying her reproductive organs and gettng a hysterectomy. I have run into this scenario a couple of times where the woman thought she could hide her wild promiscuous past and lie to some nice conservative guy down the road when she is ready to get married. These women have removed themselves from the gene pool in the name of fun and cheap thrills then they expect me to forgo having children of my own. A steep price to pay for someone elses fun! They think because I am “nice” (their descriptive word not mine) I will adopt children to fullfill their desire to have a family.

  21. Maybe because I’ve lived in liberal places and am in my 20s, but the vast majority of men I know well do not care about sexual past. Some do, but they’re in the minority. Most don’t care if you’ve had 30 partners, as long as you don’t have a 31st while you’re with him. That seems to be the standard. Some are actually down with some level of a poly relationship. When I was in my teens and early 20s, many guys were insecure and shamed women a lot, but nowadays, most are quite secure in their sexuality and able to communicate their needs and concerns. Again, I run with very liberal crowds. These men don’t need to hide the fact that they watch p0rn and they understand that most women have a sexual past. Even if you’re a virgin, you likely have a sexual past due to internet p0rn nowadays. It’s just a given. It’s more likely to be a problem if you’re inexperienced with a real life woman, but it’s still understandable.

    • “It’s more likely to be a problem if you’re inexperienced with a real life woman, but it’s still understandable”- Aya

      So Aya if a man has a problem with your value system and past deeds you have decided he can’t handle a real woman? I suppose you would be inclined to say he can’t handle the truth or he is insecure? Male shaming tactics that let a woman feel good about her choices. Most men with half a brain see through this right away. Do you have any other tactic that does not involve male shaming?

      • I’m not one of those women who has any problem with virgins or inexperienced men. I don’t judge them and I know how to communicate my sexual desires and listen to theirs. I just have noticed a problem with men who don’t have experience because they have watched far too much p0rn and try to make sex a performance or get really nervous. I would never, ever shame any guy for this. I can be patient and understanding. As long as he’s willing to work with me. Everyone’s journey is different.

  22. Another article that trots out the old statistics about the average number of partners for men and women … and fails to point out that they are impossible. If the average number of partners for heterosexual men is 7, then the average for heterosexual women must also be 7.

    Simple maths. To find out the average number of partners for men, you take the total number partners for all men (M), then divide it by the number of men (n1). Same for the women (W, n2). The total partners for each sex MUST be the same for both sexes (since an act of heterosexual sex involves one man and one woman, so each point for the home team is a point for the away team too). So M = W.

    Now, the number of men in the world is pretty much exactly the same as the number of women in the world, so n1 = n2. Thus M/n1 = W/n2: men and women, on average, have exactly the same number of sexual partners.

    For some good theories as to *why* these figures are always skewed, see http://www.pnas.org/content/97/22/12385.full (or my blog, in an upcoming entry).

    • No Andy you are wrong! You math does not take into account VERY promiscuous women that wrack up huge numbers of partners. I can think of more than a few ex party girls that would let multiple different men mount them every weekend.

      • “I can think of more than a few ex party girls that would let multiple different men mount them every weekend.”

        Who’s to say that the men didn’t let the women mount *them* every weekend? Women can mount too, you know.

      • Sigh. It doesn’t matter what numbers you put in, the numbers will be the same. Try it a million times with varying values. Heck, pretend there are only 10 men and 10 women in the world.

        Yes, there are some promiscuous people of both sexes out there. I’m not judging anyone, just pointing out that the information we currently have is distorted, and no one ever seems to recognise the fact.

        • So Andy I will use your example fo ten men and ten women.

          Bob, Joe, Sam, Tom, Fred, Tyrone, Jose, Mark, Leroy, Todd

          Karen has sex with all of them she just bumped all of the guys numbers up and hers is way above average. Assume the rest of the women have sex with 1-3 guys. If you average the numbers sure Karen’s number gets smaller and the other womens number gets larger but that is not reality.

  23. Andy, The “same number of people in the world” rule doesn’t apply to human beings. What about deaths, moving, birth rate and other factors that affect the “if the average number is 7 for men it’s 7 for women too”.

    I’m not going to tout a degree to say whether my point is more valid than yours or not, only that you are not taking a lot of outside factors into consideration.

    Also, as I’ve said before the numbers affect how men and women look at each other. There is a bias against a “lack of morals”, even if either side wants you to believe they are open minded and deserve to sleep around or bash each other for the sake of equality, or whatever it is. You aren’t more open minded if you have to insult the “other side” to make yourself feel better or your side look better. You’ve just found another way to do the same old thing.

    Aya, 30 is a high average for a women. I think it’s even a high number for men. I’m in my mid-20′s, and most of my girlfriends are around 10 or so. I’m not saying whether that’s good or bad, just higher than what’s nationally reported, and what I personally hear.

    I will say it’s odd you corrected “lose virtinity” to “give”, but did not correct that your boyfriend “lets” you sleep with whoever you want.

    • I’m not saying it’s not high for an average, I was just pointing out that in a place that is more liberal, most men don’t seem to care. 30 was an arbitrary number. Average does not have to equal “normal.” If the average is 10, then is 0 weird? I’m not trying to insult the other side. I understand that many people have other values. I think it’s just frustration from having my own values constantly degraded and called ‘immoral.’ It’s not ‘immoral,’ it’s just different. I couldn’t care less how many previous partners my man or woman has had (0, 1, 30, 100). That’s in their past. If they want to talk about it, they can. If they don’t, they don’t have to. I’ll listen to their story and if they tell it well, respect it.

      We all take different paths in life. I’ve been frustrated with men who have too few partners because they base their sex life on p0rn, but I’d never judge and I’m very willing to be patient and take the lead. I’ve been jealous of partners who have had a very large sexual history and was afraid I wouldn’t measure up, but I trust that he would be in the moment with me and enjoy my body and my intimacy. While it might not be more open minded, it definitely gives me more options to find a soulmate when I don’t have to use strict criteria (whether that’s calling a man a loser for not having had sexual experience or getting butthurt that he’s had too much).

      • Assuming that men who have “too few partners” means they are “inexperienced” and “base their sex life on p0rn” IS judgmental, which was my whole point.

        If someone told you they had 5 sex partners, it doesn’t say anything about them until you ask more questions. To assume someone with 5 sex partners thinks sex is like p0rn, and might not of spent years with each person or years with one of the 5 experimenting and exploring is as flawed as me assuming someone with 50 sex partners is automatically a whore. .

        A man who has 100 partners could of had fleeting conquests and based every encounter on P0rn, right? Increasing your number of partners does not reflect skill level. That’s like saying you need to play 100 different guitars to improve. You don’t. You only need to practice.

        I think closed-mindedness shouldn’t be limited to the number of partners, as anyone could be guilty of having poor quality sex based on poor perception.

        To play devil’s advocate, have you ever encountered a man who expected you to react a certain way to his touch based on his history of many women? Have you ever become frustrated by a man who grew accustomed to being treated a certain way in bed because of his standards based on experience?

  24. As for yoru comment on soulmates, I don’t really beleive in that. I can see your point, but it seems to be connected to your ability to be with as many people as you want, right? What if someone with more discerning mate selection doesn’t see it as strict?

    I think it’s limiting to say that because you can sleep with whoever you want you will find a soulmate faster than someone who has less sex partners.

    Besides, isn’t the concept of soulmate based on factors like fate or destiny (right place right time)? If so, why would the mumber of sex partners matter?

    You’ve got me really curious, and I have a way of asking questions that is brazen, so my apologies if I offend.

  25. You choose says:

    How about we leave it at this. A lot of men care about the number,that’s the way the cookie crumbles so deal with it. Woman have a lot they want in a man, so lets make a post about how women expect a good career,a house,nice car,etc etc etc. fact is most men care and that’s that

    • Mr Supertypo says:

      ” How about we leave it at this. A lot of men care about the number,that’s the way the cookie crumbles so deal with it. Woman have a lot they want in a man, so lets make a post about how women expect a good career,a house,nice car,etc etc etc. fact is most men care and that’s that.”

      Some people are lost. The best is to focus on the new generation of men, making them more tolerant. And the same goes for women. When the horde of people with unrealistic expectation are gone, we can focus on much more important matters rather than waste time on who had more than 10 or less than 10 sex partners….incredible as it sound this for some is a life changing revelation. For me the big revelation is if she had none at all. That would surprise me, and not in a good sense O_o

      • “Some people are lost. The best is to focus on the new generation of men, making them more tolerant”- Supertypo

        I think you are lost Supertypo and the good news is neither of us will be here to see what future generations embrace.

        • Mr Supertypo says:

          “I think you are lost Supertypo and the good news is neither of us will be here to see what future generations embrace.”

          Well there was (is) the race factor, people judging other humans simply based on the color of the skin, there was (is) the gender factor, people judging other humans based on the sex and many more. Now tell me who is losing ground? the new wave, or the old guard? then do the math.

          • Now you want to divert into the territory of racism it has no place on this thread, its about values. As far as your old guard comments they are hardly a trump card to prove your point and no you cannot speak for everyone of your generation or future generations.

  26. I don’t think it’s the no of men but did she have sex just to enjoy it without any emotional feelings for a man she could be 18 or 48 I think it takes away a mans trust if he thinks she just gave it up

  27. Professah Bruno says:

    In the end what matters is what kind of a person she managed to be after all the guys she been with,because Men date a lot and so does women and some women may be scared or uncomfortable with the idea because they come across as innocent and nice girls,most Men don’t pay much attention to them maybe to the average Men they seem boring for not having dated before or lower numbers or just average the most important point is for you to accept the one that suits you or as the famous saying goes your soul mate…let me know your thoughts ah m just sharing mines???

  28. But what if we value a potential mate because she/he has had few or even no mates? I understand that if it doesn’t matter to you whether your partner has slept with 5 mates or 500 mates but I believe that those who want a relationship with someone who has had 0-2 mates are entitled to that as well.

  29. Sorry, there are double standards..

    One small example would be crying… Acceptable for women over many small things, not acceptable for men..I doubt many women would be attracted to guys who cried almost daily over any small thing.

    I am pointing out that sex is vastly different for men and women.. That is how we are made.. Even the girl who says she has casual sex without emotions points out the sex she had was with people she was already emotionally connected to, her friends.

    I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy cum seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities. of course aftewards they feel like trash, or are so cold that they lack feelings completely.

    I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again.

    • Christopher93 says:

      Hear, hear! I can honestly say the same. The women I have known who have had an abnormally high number of sex partners (25-100+) have all been victims of sexual abuse as a child or had a major complex about body image issues (overweight, ugly, etc). All of them. I have never met an emotionally balanced (for lack of a better word) “slut” in my life.

      At the same time, I have never met an emotionally balanced woman who was a virgin until marriage either.

      I am a person who values sex as a part of a mutually committed romantic relationship, not a “hook up” thing. I’m also an atheist so nobody pull any bible/puritan criticism crap. It is not unreasonable for me to expect the same in a partner, and I am more than entitled to prefer it in a partner. I will not let anyone “shame” me into accepting our screwed up overly-liberated hook-up culture.

  30. Alexander says:

    I’m sorry, but I disagree with the article.

    There is no double standards. I expect decency from men as well as of women. And if my friend is indecent I trust him less.

    You can argue as much as you want against this instinct of caring for sexual past and that a pure woman is a virgin woman, you will loose. It is just mother nature, it has a good reason to give this instinct to us, I’m sure.

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