The Wounded Lover's Refrain

You keep hurting me, but I still give you chances, opportunities to stab my heart over and over again. I kept hoping that things would get better. That you would get better. That you would heal from everything that has hurt and broken you.

But it’s been three years, and nothing has changed.

I left. I ran far away from the emotional and mental torture of loving you. But in your selfish and sadistic nature, you pulled me back in. I thought I had healed. I did heal! But the moment you reappeared, every repressed emotion came flooding back. I’ll be damned if I let you break me again. You made me understand what it truly meant to be broken, lost, and hopeless, and I despise you for that. I despise you for that ugly, selfish nature of yours, for your inability to let me go, knowing fully well you can’t and you won’t give me what I need.

I don’t know what it is about you that keeps drawing me back in. Some days, I ask myself, “How do I say goodbye?” But I know I will find a way.

Some days, I sit back and reflect on all the tribulations life has thrown your way. And maybe that’s what keeps me tethered to you. I want to be the ray of sunshine in your life, to bring you warmth. But there are moments when I can’t help but marvel at the thought of you enduring all that pain. It’s the least the universe could do, after all the hurt and misery you put me through.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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