I was looking back at some writing from ten years ago. What I was looking for then vs. what I am looking for now. What have I learned? What mistakes am I planning to avoid? Can we really change ourselves? Am I just avoiding my bad desires and bad habits of courting a sexy and damaged damsel? Not this time.
What I’ve Learned
A woman is not going to fix me. My great life can be magnified in a partnership with a loving partner, but it can also be diminished. Reminding myself of the trade-off is important. Today, I do exactly what I want. In partnering with a new co-pilot, I will negotiate flight plans, vacation plans, work plans, aspirational plans. If I’m hiding or keeping some of my radiant self back, I have learned, it will not work. I must be able to blaze at full height and recoil into darkness from time to time to recharge. It’s not bipolar exactly, more like an artist’s affliction.
A woman’s body is important, but lifestyle is more important. You can be full-time Pilates person and not have much else going on. Well, that’s not going to be a place for us to connect. I could join you for a class or two. I did hot yoga for my wife occasionally. I love yoga. I hate hot, stinky, groany yoga. I want flow. I want a woman who understands her own body, her own pleasures, and her special secrets that she’s willing to share with me over time. We should unfold, as a couple, into each other, discovering, awakening, surprising.
Joy is the beauty element that I seek. I don’t need a top 1% beauty, the girls in dance squad. I need, I desire, a woman with a physical fitness program of some sort. We don’t have to share the same passion. I might try ot learn and join you as a way of getting closer. My partner has to be invested in maintaining a healthy body, healthy mind, and healthy spirit. I’m in this for the long haul. Let’s be healthy together.
What she is thinking about 90% of the time, is who she is. Listen. What is she preoccupied with? How is her empathy response to people outside her circle of influence? Do her thoughts and observations tend to be negative or positive? Does she take responsibility for her own happiness? Mindfulness and an awakened mind are part of a higher-level connection.
Attitude and Altitude
I am not at my current cruising altitude. I’m not happy about it. I am joyous, however. I have an inner happiness, knowing I am doing what is right with my life and my actions. I am focused on the right things. I am actively disciplining my body through exercise, rest, good food, and mental/spiritual work. I am thinking about how to improve my life and the lives of others around me. I am intentionally doing good all the time. I believe everyone deserves a chance.
Where you are in life may be different than you planned. Are you still working to course correct? Do you have strategies for improving your conditions? For me, today, Christmas 2025, I have a lovely job that pays less than enough to pay for my housing. I have good insurance through the company. I am stuck until I find a new job, at a new company, and with AI companies are not hiring, even people with extensive AI experience.
I am not unhappy. I work my happiness program pretty hard, especially during the holidays. I may not get to see both my kids today. My son is here in the house with me, so we’ve already exchanged “Merry Christmas” to each other. He’s smoking on the back porch.
And there it is. That’s what’s important. I am a safe place for my kid. I am reserving money and earning money so that I can contribute to their future growth and plans. I have a long way to go.
Warm Inside+
Overall, I am warm inside, like a cinnamon roll. I want to help. If you ask, I will do everything I can to help. And, I am also comfortable puttering off in my own world of writing and music. I am content even when I’m hoping to improve my employment soon. I am joyful about this Christmas, even if I spend it mostly alone. I am happy about my health, about my creative output for the year, and about my prospects for growth in the coming year.
I am looking for a complementary cinnamon roll. Like me.
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This post was previously published on The Whole Parent and is republished on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStock
