Bask in the present moment with your lover. And fight like hell when distortions and disconnections happen. Then come back to the center first as individuals. Then come back together as a couple.
Keep your co-parent in a cooperative teammate role. When you make them the enemy, your actions might create just that. Of course the damage you inflict on another person is really damage that you do to yourself. In the case of the co-parent of your children, please reconsider any adverse actions on your part. Keep the love of your children in your heart and mind and forgive even the egregious actions of your ex-partner.
My goal, as a good dad, is to be available emotionally and physically to my kids all the time. They know where I stand. I’ve never bad-mouthed their mom. And as they continue to grow and mature into adults, I’m back to having an equal opportunity to be with them.
I do believe kids come first. But I also believe that dads are just as important as moms in the parenting equation. I think the modern research now shows that dads provide just as much nurturing and just as much security as moms.
Father’s day was a day of celebration while I was married. As a single dad, it takes on a slightly different tone for me. I’m not sad on Father’s Day, but I am reflective of what has become of my parenting relationship. With two teenage kids that live with their mom, my involvement is less than I would like.
So I stayed still. I sat with the feelings. I prayed and meditated. I ate three meals a day and walked in the brutal Texas heat. And I kept going.
The old trope has it that mothers provide the love and nurturing in the family and dad’s provide the money and the discipline. In some sense, the emotional roles, the emotional center of our family was actually around me. I was the go-get’m dad.
There’s no stopping this momentum between us. No pullback from the accelerator pedal on the new BMW M-Sport wagon I purchased as an affirmation to my renewed vigor and success.
I see this woman standing beside me, I see a partner who can join with me in my dreams, who can challenge me in my beliefs and fallacies, and who is solid enough in her own life path that she shares joy and confidence in our potential lives together. You need two people who are making efforts to join, seek out, and celebrate each other.
I have to actively work on letting go of my anger towards my ex-wife. I am whining. I am complaining. I am holding on to a lot of energy about her behavior. And I simply should not care. If I were “over it” I could laugh at her shenanigans. I can’t. Her anger frustrates the hell out of me.
I’m a part-time dad. This weekend I had the privilege of seeing both my teenaged kids. In the divorce, I wanted to split the way we had parented, 50/50. My then-wife had other ideas and the law was behind her 100% of the way.Part-time parenting is the obvious result of divorce: That’s not how I…
I still feel the lingering energy that would swoop in at the first opportunity for a relationship and create an unrealistic fantasy about the woman just so I could have a relationship.
Divorced and playing the single dad is not an easy role. Often decisions are made without my input. And most of their hours as a family, the real work of being a family, don’t include me.
I admit I’ve been a bit self-absorbed trying to get my own shit together. I had no idea how far the breakdown had been progressing on the other side of the divorce orbit.
What I’m coming to is this: we are where we are for a reason. I am in this place to heal. I am alone to learn to be alone again. I am unemployed because I need to learn to value my work in a way that doesn’t compromise or destroy my personal life.
If I can keep my attitude at the proper trajectory I can see that my current state is temporary and my prospects are ever-growing and improving. I have to believe that.