I do think my ex-wife and I could’ve agreed to 50/50 parenting and gotten a judge to sign off on our agreement. But she would never have given up her legal/strategic advantage. Perhaps she was doing what she thought was best for the children. Perhaps. But I think she was more self-centered than that, she was doing what she wanted, regardless of the impact on the kids.
As the man in the divorce, you have an opportunity to lead the process with grace and empathy. You cannot control how your ex behaves, the only thing you can control is your own response to the challenges ahead.
I think about the nine years it has taken me to feel connected again. As I was being asked to leave my marriage and leave behind my children, I knew it was going to be a LONG TIME before I felt like I had a “home” again. I am not there yet, but I am building a foundation for just that.
In love and life: What would happen if you could relax and let go of your expectations and ambitions for a few minutes and just breathe in the acceptance of this part of being a human being rather than a human doing.
Make a change or learn to be happy with what you have. Change is the only real choice of action. Be IN or OUT of your relationship, but don’t nag and complain and then not take responsibility in your own life and your own participation in the relationship.
I can say with confidence, you will both survive and thrive as I have. Divorce is a major disaster, but it can also be the life-changing event that sets you free to be happier than you could’ve imagined.
It is perfectly normal for intimate couples to trigger one another. It’s essential, actually, for growth to happen, for each partner to allow themselves to feel their emotions as deeply as possible.
I’m open to exploring my outside edge when it comes to sexual turn-ons and turn-offs. What I don’t know about, I won’t assume I don’t like. “Let’s find out together.”
I’m not saying sex is the most critical relationship indicator, but I do think your sexual connection, if strong, signals a strong emotional and physical relationship. There may always be problems, complications, and reasons that sex becomes less frequent, but putting sex off until the blue moon is a good way to put your relationship into the deep frost.
I have approached dating as a process to identify, qualify, and ultimately partner with a single woman. The dating part is essential, but dating is not the goal. Sex is essential, but sex, also, is not the goal. Working to identify and explore a combination of these three factors, is how I am navigating my approach to finding my next long-term relationship.
If you meet a partner who is lacking in their ability to communicate, commit, and renew their intentions, you might want to continue along your path in search of a different partner.
Dating is the fun part. Getting to know someone new is exhilarating. But if you’re looking for a long-term partner, as I am, don’t get stuck in the sexual fire before you have a chance to evaluate some of the more practical aspects of the out-of-bedroom relationship.
The final part of finding the love of your life, is to let go of all other relationships. Do not compromise in your love life. Any little miss in your present moment will become a roadblock in the future.
Live some life together, out of the bedroom, and see how the relationship part of the partnership goes. It will become obvious if there are lifestyle or emotional differences. And when you keep the raging hormones at bay you can see this person without the rose-colored glasses.
Sexual intelligence: even as the act of sex has changed, and often orgasm is not the goal nor the end-point, the benefits of a newly rejuvenated sex drive cannot be underestimated.
As I agreed to your mom’s request for the divorce, I began to ask for how we were going to do things collaboratively. The biggest request I had was 50/50 custody. I was losing a huge portion of your presence in my life. I wanted it to be a fair split.