FAKE EXPERTS
A few months ago, a new client tearfully expressed her disappointment and severe frustration over an online life coach whom she sought help from for her codependency and narcissistic abuse. Like thousands of others seeking critical mental health and life skill services, she could not discern the difference between coaches or psychotherapists who prematurely or inaccurately described themselves as specialists or experts and those with legitimate and accurate claims.
The most influential and perhaps manipulative element of such self-described “gurus” is the exaggerated promise of long-term relief from exquisitely painful narcissistic abuse. These “successful” content producers purposely hide their lack of problem-specific education, training, and experience, all of which would qualify or disqualify them from being a legitimate codependency or narcissistic abuse treatment specialist. Perhaps the most effective strategy that falsely proclaimed experts rely upon is their emotionally evocative and inspiring heroic survival story over their pathological narcissism and the higher-level lessons they learned because of it.
Despite my respect and appreciation for life coaches and psychotherapists, I took notice of an emerging pattern of harmful incompetence from a sub-group of “online famous” individuals who prematurely or without merit describe themselves as codependency and narcissistic abuse experts. With increased experience, it became easy to identify such individuals, as their free narcissistic abuse or codependency-focused online content was inextricably tied to heavily promoted professional services that over-promise positive outcomes.
MARKETING FUNNELS
Bringing in paying customers is often achieved through highly interesting, relatable, and evocative online content that, by design, entices people to explore their profitable service-based website. The financially “successful” but harmful false experts lure people into their programs or treatments through enticing, interactive websites designed by experienced marketing professionals.
The other compelling “hook” is strategically developed online content invisibly connected to a business plan, otherwise known as a marketing funnel. The marketing funnels that fake experts rely upon are often the brainchild of highly specialized mentors or handsomely paid online marketing specialists.
According to Christina Gillick, a writer for CrazyEgg.com, the primary goal of marketing funnels is to turn leads into customers. They successfully cast a broad net to drive brand awareness, capture as many leads as possible, and then nurture prospective customers through the purchasing decision, which narrows in each stage of the funnel.
Without this marketing “golden egg,” these fictitious experts could not create profitable online mental health treatment or life-coaching programs that lure in victims of narcissistic abuse or Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD™ (my term for “codependency”). Therefore, vulnerable, naive, and misled suffers of SLDD often fall victim to the glitzy presentation of promised help, marketing funnels, creative payment options, and the lower price tag when compared to legitimate mental health services.
THE ANGRY BULLY PULPIT
Many of these “experts” dangerously and irresponsibly promote a pure “victim” position which blames the narcissist for the harm, while claiming complete innocence in any part of the dysfunctional relationship “dance[i].” Such individuals even use their online platform as a judgmental and blaming “bully pulpit” where they rage against narcissists while spewing out angry, vindictive, and finger-pointing vitriol, most of which is disguised as life-changing advice.
Sadly, such “educational” and “supportive” stories, advice, and warnings inspire droves of SLDs (people with SLDD) to “bear arms” against their narcissistic captors. The futility of a defensive or aggressive challenge to the more manipulative and cunning narcissist is best summed up by George Bernard Shaw: “I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.”
OVER-PROMISING
It became increasingly apparent that these self-described “experts” build profitable businesses by providing inaccurate and fabricated descriptions of themselves and their services. Additionally, they convince people to squander their valuable resources on their program or treatment services by providing exaggerated, unrealistic, and often patently untrue promises for positive outcomes.
Potential clients who lack sufficient financial, insurance, and/or transportation resources are even more susceptible to unrealistic promises for long-term or permanent relief. For individuals affected by personal, family, cultural, and even societal mental health stigmas, over-promising services from anyone other than a psychotherapist may be even more attractive.
WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO BE AN EXPERT?
Reaching accurate, verifiable expert status is not as subjective as one might think. Independent of a person’s profession, achieving legitimate expert status requires meeting unambiguous, universal standards. The following list summarizes the criteria that reliably account for a legitimate claim to be an expert.
- A graduate degree, certification, and licensing in one’s expertise.
- A decade or more of professional experience in the area for which they proclaim to be an expert.
- They possess reliable, effective skills/abilities recognized by their professional community as superior to those of the larger community.
- Ongoing supervision, education, and training in their expertise.
- Experiences and accomplishments that peers have openly validated in their professional community to be at an “expert” level.
- Testimonials from legitimate and not manipulated recipients of their expert services.
- Authored books, articles, and/or research on their expertise.
MANIPULATION AND MISREPRESENTATION
Because codependents, aka people suffering from self-love deficit disorder, are characteristically intimidated about asking for validation of a person’s alleged background, the over-promising “expert” avoids the type of challenges that would undoubtedly expose their duplicity. It is worth mentioning that most fake experts are not intentionally deceitful or manipulative. Despite lacking depth, their coaching title and assumed credentials create a professional image.
It is the manipulative and covertly dishonest pathological variety that significantly harms trusting and potentially naive sufferers of narcissistic abuse and “Self-Love Deficit Disorder/SLDD™.”
The list below illustrates the pattern of purposeful manipulation, inaccurate representation of qualifications and abilities, and unrealistic promises of relief.
- A client desperately seeks help for their SLDD or abuse.
- Found an inspirational and compelling online information source that makes them feel understood, “seen,” and optimistic about ending their chronic suffering from narcissistic abuse.
- A passionately optimistic person describing themselves as an expert in the problems with which they most need help.
- Lured to contact them because of their harrowing backstory/engrossing survival story.
- Seduced by highly engaging and professional-appearing websites and portals to their “program.”
- Believed glowing testimonials.
- Unknowingly fell victim to an invisible marketing funnel[ii] that, without knowing, reinforced their confidence to seek help from this individual.
- Was enticed by the seemingly lower cost or extended payment plans.
- Eagerly took part in the promise-rich “program,” which could not help them solve the problem for which they sought help.
- Stopped taking part when positive outcomes were not achieved or when they felt inadequate because of not being able to reach them.
- Did not think to attribute their “failure” to the program or the person delivering its services.
- Experienced shame and hopelessness about their “untreatable” problems.
IATROGENIC TRAUMA
Whether a deceptive life coach or a psychotherapist, the misrepresentation of one’s skills and services may cause iatrogenic trauma, such trauma is defined as Long-term suffering and distress that is directly caused by treatment providers who either falsely claim to have treatment competencies and abilities, and as a consequence, cannot deliver on what the client/patient most needs; or are responsible for highly consequential treatment failures.
Online content that is generated by over-promising false experts can stir up or activate traumatic memories, accompanied by destructive and dangerous feelings and thoughts[iii]. As described in detail in both my “Human Magnet Syndrome[iv]” and “Codependency Cure[v]” educational material, codependents, or people who are “Self-Love Deficient (SLD), have profoundly limiting and incapacitating struggles with PTSD.
For chronically gaslit SLDs who have been brainwashed to identify with an implanted “self-narrative[vi]” and isolating and highly shaming contrived problems, the risk for iatrogenic trauma is far more severe and consequently harmful. Hence, online-generated services that accidentally or purposely trigger overwhelming and distressing anger or shame, or disassociated memories, can be highly consequential to unsuspecting SLD victims. For this reason, we can safely assume that seemingly benign online content may unintentionally provide “gasoline” as the solution to extinguish a SLD’s lifelong engulfment in a “narcissistic abuse firestorm.”
My Deep Dive into Pathological Narcissism
Although the above analysis is critically important to consider, by itself, it will never be enough to remediate the “fake expert” problem and the consequential deluge of misleading and/or inaccurate information. Such a conclusion motivated me to put together a decade’s worth of my own educational content on pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, The Human Magnet Syndrome explanations, and my “Codependency Cure™” practical and instructive content. It would be composed solely of expert-derived information on the subject.
I would eventually name the project “The 50-Shades of Pathological Narcissism.” Over nine months, I deliberately and carefully constructed what I call a “3-D presentation,” focusing only on Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse. This multifaceted production ultimately created three six-hour presentations, each subdivided into the following topics: what it is, why it happens, and what to do about it.
The material provides a counterpoint to content that is victim-oriented, overly simplistic pop-psychological explanations, vilifies the bad guy, and makes unrealistic promises of relief. Moreover, its content would be written by a verifiable expert or by someone who has derived it from one. It would become a reliably accurate and helpful source of information for victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse and those afflicted by Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency).
STOPPING THE INSANITY
To conclude, individuals who primarily seek help for narcissistic abuse, codependency, or “Self-Love Deficit Disorder™” from online content provided by self-proclaimed experts should exercise great caution. Take the time to conduct some basic research and heed the adage I often heard but didn’t follow: “If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.”
[i] Discussed in detail in Chapter 2 of my “The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent-Narcissist Trap” book
[iii] Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. my 2018 book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent-Narcissist Trap”
[iv] My 2018 book, “The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent-Narcissist Trap.”
[v] My “Codependency Cure” work, which is also known as my “Self-Love Recovery Treatment Program,” was created after creating the “Human Magnet Syndrome” material. It’s focus is on further explanations for the cause of SLDD, and the treatment to permanently resolve it. Material explaining this work is available at the Self-Love Recovery Institute’s website www.SelfLoveRecovery.com).
[vi] Included in The Human Magnet Syndrome’s Chapter 11, “Gaslighting and Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome.”
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