To Be Beautiful or Not?

In Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Hamlet said, “To be or not to be? That is the question.”

In the Social Media Instagram universe, “To be beautiful or not to be beautiful? That is the question.”

According to Social Media and the Internet, the standard of beauty for women is full lips, high cheek bones, thin jawline, and perfect skin. The standard of beauty for men is 6’ 2”, strong jawline, chiseled body with six-pack abs. Several celebrities embody that standard without physical enhancement or alteration, like Charlize Theron, Jennifer Connelly, Michael B. Jordan, Hugh Jackman, and Brad Pitt. Most of them are over 50 years old, as well.

Beauty is predominantly the relative distinction, in the eye of the beholder. Still, it’s hard to argue that these folks are not beautiful, not handsome. They just are. Although mostly unwritten, beauty intrinsically is a standard. You just know: What’s beautiful and what’s not beautiful. Beauty is visceral. A human design.

I’m 5’ 3”. Not fat. I’m not beautiful. I’m not handsome in any conventional standard. I get it. I’m good with that. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I got here after years of Aikido training, therapy, and working on myself to be the best person, the best man that I can be. I work on myself, not on others. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not.

As the teenager, hell I wanted so badly to be tall and handsome. Kind of the no-brainer. Tall and handsome would certainly make a difference trying to date a girl. The no-brainer.

As age kicked in, perhaps a little bit of wisdom too, I got that I change the things about myself that I can change. I let go of the things that I can’t change. I find peace in knowing what I have, and what I don’t have. I’m good.

Self-acceptance is vastly more difficult, largely elusive for many young people in this Social Media Age. They need to just train, accept themselves, distinguish talking head noise, and distinguish utter bullshit. Young people can learn to be grateful for what they have. They change what they can change. They let go of what they can’t change.

Unlike when I grew up before the Internet, impressionable young people continually contend with so called Social Media Influencers, who define the beauty standard, because “you know” that beauty is the only quality that defines one’s self-worth, one’s value in life. They invented that seductive narrative. They proliferate it.

New flash: You choose who you are and who you are going to be. You’re the only one who can. Choose to be a good person. Be of service to others. Make a difference for others. Let that define you.

I absolutely get it. When I was 14 years old, if I could, I would have forsaken being smart for good-looking in a heartbeat. After all, I wasn’t stupid. In living life, getting older, I found what’s most important is having a happy life or at least the possibility of that. The bigger no-brainer.

I have as much fun as I can for as long as I can. I do what I love for as long as I can, too. In Aikido, the late Mizukami Sensei said, “Make it work.” That’s not just about making Aikido technique work for myself, that is for making life work for me. I make myself work. Sensei said, “Take a glancing blow. You’re not always going to get away scot-free.” I take a hit, take a risk for what’s meaningful to me. That’s having a meaningful life.

In therapy with Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression, I learn to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. On the Good Men Project, I write about loving and forgiving thine own self for someone out there who could have been like me suffering in “I’m not good enough.” I help others heal themselves by looking within themselves. Whatever they need is inside them. As Sensei, I teach students to be good people, what the late Mizukami Sensei taught me.

I’m not beautiful. I’m not handsome. I try to make a difference. Let that define me. Those who I make difference for, shall define my legacy for me.

To be beautiful or not to be beautiful? Who really gives a shit. The talking heads out there don’t define who you are or who you’re going to become. Let them chirp. You choose who you are, who you are going to be. You’re the only one, who does. Life is beautiful. Live your life with beauty. Live your life with meaning. That’s what we all can do.

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Photo by Dipqi Ghozali on Unsplash