Searching for Beautiful

A Perspective of Searching for Beautiful

This poem is based on my life experiences, including identifying as mildly neurodivergent and as feeling I grew up around stronger personalities I felt lost in.

Decades of playing the role of a child

Dysfunction and fears

Trauma and crisis

Every moment an emergency

On some imaginary plane

The youngest of a generation

Never someone with a peer

Everyone is older

But never shares their wisdom

All I need to know is that if I don’t know

Then I am not someone worth sharing with

Christianity is used to control

Isolation is lonely as hell

So all that is left is The World

What does the world say is beautiful?

Reading magazines and literature

Looking at images both artistic and debased

What is the meaning of this

When there is no one to explain

I learned the most beautiful thing

Is to have a great body

And a traumatized heart

With no self-awareness

And no self-appreciation

The hottest thing you can be

Is a perfect body

With an inferiority mind

Never seeing the truth of how beautiful you are

Because you let compliments happen to you

Instead of determining your own identity

The best relationship is one

Where he doesn’t know her

And she doesn’t know him

They each project on the other

They each play a role

And stay in a world too small

But agree to label it as large

The best relationship

Is to play pretend

Sensual like adults

Clueless as a child

Years of shame for being so blind

But then coming to see

My peers are not so far ahead

We all seem to be defined by our past

The first time we felt pain

Is all our inner world has awareness of

And time flies by

While we freeze in early fears

I think beautiful is a spirit

That can enhance how people see a body

Knowing who you are

When everyone else is away

Knowing your worth

When no one has a say

A rockstar like Lenny Kravitz

Has all the flair of rock n roll

But it is a heart that drives the visual

The quest for purpose and love

That adds the substance to the thrill

I think that is what is beautiful

The truth first and everything second

Love first and every fear second

That is how a body gains grace

And an age becomes a number

How someone becomes an adult

And is free from childhood slumbers

Avoiding life in daydreams

Instead of creating the honest reality

Children seek to survive

So they allow the perspectives of others

To create a prison cell of Supposed To Be’s

Adulthood is creation

Facing the fear

And becoming new for it

Creating a life of love

Authentic and pure

Regardless of perfection.

—

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