High school can be hard for anyone. Darianna Jones has some advice to make it easier for kids who are out in school.
High school. From “trying too hard” pep rallies to watching fights in the hallways, life after middle school can seem daunting to say the least. You’re fast approaching adulthood and possibly college, and teenage angst is about to reach nuclear levels. As a gay teen, you can safely multiply all of the typical high school teen problems by at least 10, especially if you’re out of the closet. How do you navigate this treacherous place full of social hierarchy, bad choices, and “Homophobia I learned from my parents”? Here’s a few tips:
1. Build Your Support Network
Starting high school is intimidating for everyone at first, even the soon-to-be jocks and popular crowd. These next four years are going to be rough on everyone in some way. Whatever clique you end up in, make sure the people in it are willing to support you as much as possible. And don’t just stop there. Teachers, parents, coaches, and school counselors are just a few more people you should consider adding to your support network. And if there are other out-and-proud gay folks at your school, try to befriend them. There’s strength in numbers!
2. Don’t Back Down
Inevitably, you’ll face a situation where you’ll have to deal with a jerk, whether it’s name-calling or straight up harassment. Don’t back down to a bully. Show them that you will not be pushed around. If things escalate to physical violence, seek an adult as soon as possible. Though it seems a little extreme, enrolling in self-defense classes will certainly help too. Of course, bullying isn’t limited to physical violence or taunting anymore. If someone is spreading rumors about you and harassing you online, they can easily be reported here.
3. Build Tough Skin
If you’re openly gay in high school, expect to be called names. Expect to get dirty looks nearly every day. Expect even teachers and other adults to squirm in your presence. It will happen, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it get to you. Realizing that it’s their problem and not yours will help you find the strength to let their pettiness bounce right off of you. You determine the kind of person you are, not others.
4. Get Help When You Need It
Sometimes, you’re going to get overwhelmed. Perhaps you’ve had a really hard test week, your grades are slipping, that bully just won’t leave you alone, and your support network helping you the way you thought it would. Seeking professional help is not a “psycho sentence”. Many people who experience a great deal of stress seek out professionals to help “re-sort” what’s bothering them to help them move over the bump that’s currently holding them back.
5. Do What Makes You Happy
High school is the chance to delve into many different extracurricular activities such as sports, music, arts, theatre, dance, and cheer-leading. Never let anyone deter you from doing what you truly want to do. Yes, if it’s something like male cheer-leading you’ll have to deal with a lot of flack and name-calling, but don’t let it stop you.
6. Watch Those Boys/Girls
You’re going to have crushes, sugahz. There are going to be boys and girls that catch your attention, and if the chemistry is right, you may start something special. However, be careful of someone who isn’t quite ready to be “out” of the closet yet. While you may be out-and-proud, at some point they may seek to retreat further into the closet for a little while and shut you out in the process, ending the relationship abruptly.
And leave those straight boys and girls alone!
7. Hang In There
It’s going to be tough. You’re going to make a lot of friends and lose a lot of friends. You’re going to face hardships that many people will, quite honestly, never understand no matter how many times you explain it to them. In fact, sometimes you’ll just feel alone. But keep your chin up, remind yourself of how special you are every day, and stay in those books. High school doesn’t last forever, and it’ll be over before you know it. In the meantime, make some memories and have fun! You being yourself will encourage others to do the same. Always remember that.
What do you think? Leave a Comment!
Photo: Guillaume Paumier/Flickr
Originally posted at boldandsugar.com
Kids starting calling me faggot by the time I was in 4th grade. I never “came out”. I was outed before I even knew what the word meant. And yes, they made life difficult for me right through high school. And no surprise, it was the very same kids throughout my entire school career who were the meanest to me. I came to loathe certain boys. I never once kissed another boy in front of anybody. Or held another boy’s hand. I didn’t flout anything. They picked me for harassment, and they picked me because they suspected I was gay.… Read more »
Not attracted to straight girls. I was openly bi-sexual in highschool. Teachers told me that it was normal to be confused and that I would grow out of it. Girls would tell me not to look at them or talk to them. I would tell them I am not attracted to straight girls. So I dated boys mostly in highschool but was always open that I liked girls too. This braught up insecurities and dumped because they said “most girls you only have to worry about them cheating with 50% of the highschool, with you it’s 100%”. I Still to… Read more »
The only people
High school is cruel and sickening. That’s all I can say. Scary. They have no love and no mercy. Most of them are Catholic, protestant, and baptist and are not true of God’s! Sorry about my English. Many high school people are hyprocrites. Dont believe them!
Yes, bother the straight (or “straight”) boys and girls! And ctcd, when I was an immature Christian in middle and early high school I possessed similar delusions as you, but I grew out of them and wised up quickly when I realized I was gay.
Sure, that is usually a reaction many older “straight” (who are actually basically bisexual) men have. They believe with all of their souls they are straight and will get CRAZY when you suggest gay displays of affection should be as open as straight PDA is… because seeing men being lovable to other men will make their already weak resistance to their “hidden side” even weaker, you know. I remember a homophobic “straight” dude saying he doesn’t want his son to see men kissing each other because if he does so he’ll undoubtedly want to kiss men as well… just like… Read more »
HYPOCRITES!!!!!!
To me being openly gay means that one doesn’t have to worry about hiding the fact that they are gay. For example a guy wants to kiss his boyfriend in public, he should be just as free to do so as a guy kissing his girlfriend in public. Hold hands, flirting, etc…. All the behaviors that if done with women would not garner a second glance. I think ideally being openly gay wouldn’t be so much about wearing rainbows and dancing to certain music but just being able to engage in the same behaviors that a straight person would without… Read more »
How does one be “openly” gay in high school or any other place. Do you go around with a sign on you that says “I engage in sodomy with other men” if you are a man and why must one be “openly” gay. Why do you have to make sure everybody knows that you prefer to be sodomized as to having straight sex with a woman. Quite frankly I really don’t want to know what you do in the privacy of your home. When you start to rub it in my face are you not infringing on my rights? I… Read more »
Same way someone is “openly heterosexual”: by holding hands with their partner, telling their friends they find a same sex person attractive in the same way heterosexuals would, and to be able to walk down the street without those heterosexuals wearing signs that say “I like sex with straight people” getting in their face (to use your realistic example). And by the way, sodomy is not restricted to gay sex, straight men or anyone possessing a butthole &/or hand/penis/object of any gender or sexual orientation, can prefer and practice sodomy – even straight men. You may want to note, not… Read more »
In high school I don’t think public displays of affection are appropriate regardless of the sexual orientation. My point is that when someone passes my child in the hall my child need not know that person’s sexual orientation, but homosexuals seem to constantly want to advertise the fact. Keep it to yourself. I don’t want to know.
Have you even been in high school? Everywhere you go are straight couples holding hands or the girl draped all over her guy. If you think that straight people keep their sexual orientation to themselves you are delusional.
What an ugly set of responses from you. It is hardly imaginable what it would be like to have you as a parent.
Why only gay men make you that paranoid and emotionally unstable? Many women are gay as well. Do you believe it is worse when men are gay? Why? Worse when people prefer having sex with men (what about straight women, then?)? Is it worse when men are in the receiving end of anal sex? What about straight couples and women who love and practice it as well? Women’s buttholes are less important so they are forgiven when receiving penises in their butts or something? 😀 You guys are hilarious! Is it because you are afraid you will not be able… Read more »
Why are you so afraid of “the gays”??? Do you secretly want it rubbed all over your face? Yeah, that’s it! And why the fu** are you even trolling this website……curious???
No, they aren’t “shoving their life in your face,” if that’s what you’re thinking. As open and as honest as you are with your sexuality, they want to be as well. As it should always be!
Now if we could only figure out how to be openly Christian.
AMEN brother.
It’s 2014 B.C, not Roman times. Check the date, check the times and check your privilege.
Privilege? I don’t think so. Morality doesn’t alter with the times.
“Morality doesn’t alter with the times.”
Really, dude? Really?
You would be still selling your daughters and whipping slaves if it didn’t.
“Morality doesn’t alter with the times”. I guess you’ll be shunning those divorced people, and interracial couples.
B.C., really? So before Christ. You right its 2014 B.C., lets try to return to the enlightened present 2014 A.D.
Now, what keeps you from being “Christian” or saying as much. Most of you “super-Christians” are not so much concerned with your “religion as religion” but as a sign of superiority because you are. Many of us look upon your constant “harping” everywhere about it as little else than a “dog marking its territory on every object it gets close too”.