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Fear doesn’t seem to be located in the present. Being present, there’s only what happens. Perhaps fear occurs in the memory of the unresolved or incomplete fear from the past, or in what has yet to occur given our prejudiced future.
Control is a grand illusion, the great seducer. My buddy Steve said that only the fool thinks that he or she controls anything. Because we don’t. History validates that assessment.
I choose what I do and who I’m going to be in any moment. Werner Erhard said there are aspects of me that I have nothing to do with. These are the aspects that will not change by human design. My experience of fear is biological, associated with the survival mechanisms of my brain.
We all experience fear; it’s what it is to be human. Surrender to fear, don’t fight it. Werner said, “Anything you can let be, lets you be.” So I distinguish what aspects of me and my life I can control, and those which I cannot. I become useful in fear.
What I have nothing to do with tends to be biological, the physiological design, laws of physics, time and space. I have nothing to do with my physical and mental decline in older age. Mortality. These define what is human. Paradoxically, accepting my mortality is to have freedom from it. I’m free to pursue my greater than who I am, making a difference for others.
I choose:
- What I do;
- How I live;
- What makes me happy;
- Who I am for others;
- Who I am for me.
I create the purposeful life. I surrender to my human design: What I have something to with and what I don’t; what I can control, and what I cannot. As I surrender to what I have nothing to do with, I have freedom. I choose what I have something to do with.
I love Mom. She’s 88 years old. She uses he walker and wheelchair to get around. The seniors home takes great care of Mom. Mom has dementia and doesn’t remember well, sometimes. Often, she takes her time choosing her words when we talk. Gratefully, she still remembers me. Whenever we finish speaking, I say my goodbye with “I love you, Mom.” John reminds me to do so.
Mom surrenders to the mastery of dying with grace, honor, and love. She has discovered her peace. I will miss her with all my heart whenever that day arrives. I have absolutely nothing to do with that human design.
So I look at Mom’s legacy: How will she be remembered? Will I remember the grade school teacher making breakfast for Carol and me every morning? Will I remember the gentle white-haired lady whose hands felt warm in mine? Will I remember her saying, “Jonny, slow down.”? Will I remember her saying, “I’m proud of you”?
I’ll remember Mom as all, as the whole. She constantly saw and listened for the greater man within me. She always loved me. And I shall always love her. I’m the greater man, because of Mom. She has always been by my side holding my hand.
That’s Mom’s legacy for me. She gifted the whole of herself to others, and loved with all her heart. There’s no fear in love. Mom shall forever live in my heart. Her love continues to grow within me as I gift her love to others.
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Photo credit: Pixabay
