In 2019, my mom passed away from infection and failing digestion. 89-year-old Mom’s body just shut down: it was her time. In 2013, 82-year-old Mizukami Sensei passed away from illness and complications following surgery. The world is greater because Mom and Sensei were here on Planet Earth. Rest in peace, Mom and Sensei. In Shakespeare’s words, “And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest..”
Mad love and respect for Mom and Sensei. Each was meaningful for me. They inspired me to grind it out, to put in the work, and to invent my next greater-than versions. They taught me what it is to be a good man, to continually evolve.
I remember the kindness in Mom’s and Sensei’s words. Mom said, “I’m proud of you.” Sensei said, “You’re a better teacher than me.” As part of their enduring legacy, I am of service to others, making a difference where I can. That’s my mad love for Mom and Sensei.
I help guide others as they navigate inventing their own greater-than versions, whether it’s through my Aikido training or writing about my personal trials, tribulations, and challenges. I give back to others what Mom and Sensei bestowed upon me.
I’ve not yet had the privilege of falling madly, deeply in love with someone, with her loving me back. So Mom and Sensei were my great love stories.
I was sad when Sensei passed away, and when Mom passed. I miss holding Mom’s warm hands sitting with her in the Seniors Home. I miss bringing her favorite ozoni (mochi soup) that I made for New Year’s. I miss eating the smoked salmon omelet with Sensei after Sunday morning Aikido practice at our favorite Culver City French café. I miss talking about the Los Angeles Lakers while driving together in my car. I can imagine what he might say now that Lebron and Anthony Davis are Lakers.
Although Mom and Sensei are no longer here, their spirits live within me. Instead of sadness, I’m left with humbling gratitude: How lucky I was sharing my life with theirs. Perhaps, when a life ends, its legacy begins.
That being said, mad love is doing what I love. That’s Aikido. That’s writing. I’m as authentic as I can be. I can be of service. I can make some difference for others.
My mad love for Aikido sources my mad love and respect for Sensei. Sensei was the father I needed to evolve into a good man. I “just train” for Sensei and me. His wife Alyce said, “Dan would have wanted you to keep training in Aikido.” Amen.
Mom taught me that a man’s true strength lies in his gentleness, in his compassion. My mad love for Mom is in sharing my fears, my imperfection, my inspirations, and my joy through my writing. Perhaps, sharing my own trials, tribulations, and healing inspires someone out there, who could have been me, to come out of his or her “shadows”. That they learn to love and forgive themselves.
Time is undefeated. Perhaps, my mad love shall come to its eventual conclusion? Everyone grows old and inevitably passes on. We do what we love for as long as we can. That’s human design.
In Sunday Aikido practice, my dear friend Jackson and I practiced together with the bokken (wooden sword). Jackson reminded me to take out the attacker on my first strike, even though the technique called for two strikes. I said, “Yeah, ‘it’s one time.’” We both looked at Mizukami Sensei’s photo on the Dojo wall. Jackson smiled, “Yes.” That’s our mad love.
At least one morning during the week, I’ll cook breakfast, instead of eating cold oat cereal, blueberries, and soy milk. I’ll make rice, scrambled eggs, and Portuguese sausage. It’s almost as good as Mom’s version. I’ll smile and eat my breakfast, as I think of Mom. That’s my mad love, too.
In the greater picture, in life, mad love is the eternal love we hold in our hearts for those, who were so meaningful to us. Mad love inspires us to make a difference for others, paying forward what they bestowed upon us. Mad love begets more mad love. Mad love honors the life that came before us, and gives life to those, who come after us. That’s the meaningful legacy, we all deserve.
Mad love lives in the life of service, in making a difference for others. Mad love is in what I do, who I am, and in leaving the world a little greater than when I came into it. Amen. Amen.
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