Carl Bosch wants to know what happened to the “kinder, gentler” America that some of us hoped for and politicians hyped?
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I spent all day last Friday in a workshop focused on bullying. We talk a lot about bullying in school these days. Federal and state laws have gotten involved. Educators are defining what it looks like, how it sounds, where and when it occurs, how often it happens. Every couple of years we re-define it, tweak it some more, make it more comprehensive, making sure to include every little nuance if we can. Laws have been passed that mandate we report harassment, bullying, even mean behavior. We have forms to fill out, action plans to put in place. Interventions for both victim and bully.
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Like the old “I know it when I see it,” bullying is a problem and it always has been. There have been bullies as long as there have been kids. And adults, for that matter, too. But something seems very essentially different nowadays.
We use terms now that weren’t invented 10 or 20 years ago. “Hostile environment”, “written, oral, or electronic communication or physical act or gesture”, “infringes on the rights”, “reasonable fear of harm”. These all sound legalistic and somewhat pompous, but they’re real. Nationwide studies use different statistics, but if you pay attention to any of them it appears that not hundreds or thousands of young people are bullied, but millions. Over half of all kids have witnessed bullying at their school. Over three-quarters say that bullying is a problem at their school, grades K-12. Texting and sexting and e-mails and Facebook and Twitter don’t help at all. They’re like an easy access formula for sharing anger laced with bad language and subtle threats.
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Whatever happened to the “kinder, gentler” America that some of us hoped for and politicians hyped? Are we really that afraid and insecure as individuals and a country? Is the only way that we can make ourselves feel strong and resilient is to put down others? Does the pro football player have to taunt his rival? Are pundits and talk show hosts compelled to sling outrageous negative comments at their political opponents so they can score ratings? Do parents at athletic activities have to question and yell at every call by a referee, every decision by a coach? Here’s another one to chew on and if I get some trouble from readers, so be it. December 2011, the month just passed, set a new record. For what? Gun purchases. Over 1.5 million. That topped the previous record set in…November. Kinder, gentler nation? Where?
Bullying is only going to get worse until we think larger. But maybe that’s not the way to solve this. Like national deficits and Congress in stalemate, perhaps we shouldn’t follow their lead, but think small. Maybe each school, alone on its own, has to be that safe haven. We can win there if we work hard enough. Or maybe it starts just in your house. No sarcasm, no put-downs. No talking badly about your neighbor, your uncle, the mayor. That’s a place to start.
We should have no need to create words like “bullycide.”
10,069 days down, 106 left
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photo by trixer / flickr
Girls bully girls even without boys involved. They did in my day too. We just didn’t have the scope of communication to rally up what now constitutes a mob. When I was 12 and part of a popular clique at an upscale summer camp in the Berkshires, several of the girls in the bunk thought another girl camper had something “queer” about her. They decided they were going to chase her and pull down her panties and “find out.” I was horrified, but I couldn’t stop them. I went to the camp director, but I have never forgotten the terror… Read more »
Beat on the Brat with a baseball bat!…hey ho let’s go!
We know how to address bullying in schools. Read the work of Dr. Dan Olweus, the most prominent bullying researcher, and look at the program’s he’s made. Read the publications that show those programs’ success rates. We already HAVE the tools to stop school bullying, the sad part is that schools don’t want to/ are too ignorant to address bullying in a truly effective, research-tested manner.
Strictly speaking–an inconvenient tactic, I know–we don’t know if there is more bullying, less, or about the same. What we know is that more people are paying attention to it, some may well figure out a way to get a paying gig out of it which means there can never be enough bullying, and we know definitions have been ratcheted up (or down, depending) in order to include that which hasn’t been included before. Bullying was presumed to be the reason behind the Columbine shootings, although evidence is thin. IMO, it’s easier to blame bullying for the shootings than to… Read more »
Yeah, let’s go back to the good old days when bullied kids were ignored and allowed to suffer in silence. Sure, bullying’s just part of life. No, let’s don’t condemn bullying in schools, especially when the bullies are “popular.” Blaming the victim, perhaps (as if bullies are not responsible for their own conduct)? Yeah, I’ve heard it all before. Don’t worry, buddy. As you’ve said, I’m sure your side will prevail eventually.
Great article. But I have a question.
Have you witnessed any girls bullying boys as part of the problem? I ask because I’ve been subject to bullying from both genders but I only got an empathetic eye when talking about what the boys did to me. With the girls, there was little support available. I talk about it in “Bullied by girls and women: One man’s account” here on this publication.
I’d appreciate your answer. Thank you.
The only thing I saw on hitting people and so on in schools girls vs boys, was an informal estimate that girls slapped people about twenty time more often than boys. It was suggested that girls hit people far more often because they could basically get away with it whereas for boys hitting there was “zero tolerance”. That was a long time ago. As I understand it though, bullying is often more about social manipulation where it is easier to believe that girls would excel. It’s a traditional area of female strength which is more often used for good of… Read more »