Falling in Love With Love

If only I could have realized it while it was happening. Me losing my own self in someone, in our relationship, getting too attached, falling in love too quickly, too strongly and desperately.

Only later I was able to discover the signs I did not see — how it happened and, what’s really important, why it did. Here are my suggestions for preventing it in the future.

Give yourself time to know a person

We all have different sides of our personality, every one of us is a small universe, and we see another person in our own way. We often form an image in our minds — of an ideal partner we would like to be in a relationship with. More often than not, we don’t even realize it.

And when the right moment comes and we meet someone we like, we don’t always give ourselves enough time to get to know a person. We begin to construct an image of that person from our thoughts, ideas, and desires. We idealize that person, while we ourselves do not want to be idealized; we want to have the right to make mistakes, the right to be ourselves.

It is dangerous to not allow ourselves to see all sides of the person we like before we start a relationship. Because sooner or later the illusion period will pass, and we will see the sides of our loved one that we are not ready to accept.

I had a relationship in which I did not notice the lack of intimacy for a long time. It seemed to me that my partner wanted to be together as much as I did. And I fell into these feelings so quickly, rushed to believe my own illusion so desperately, that it frightened my partner who wasn’t ready for such a speed in our relationship’s development.

We did not know each other yet, but we had already confessed our love. It was only after the breakup that I realized — my lover did not love me but only responded to my feelings, from the fear of hurting me.

Did I love this person? Have I given myself time to get to know him better? No, and no. I realized this only when I saw detachment and indifference in the behavior of my lover, which did not coincide with my illusion.

This separation taught me to be more careful with my own desires and dreams, to always give myself time to get to know a real person, even if passion is taking me in another direction.

We idealize another person, while we ourselves do not want to be idealized; we want to have the right to make mistakes, the right to be ourselves.

Do not compromise everything you are for a relationship

Our life can sometimes feel very difficult and lonely. We often want to be loved and to love so much that we forget that life is not only a relationship with another person but above all — a relationship with ourselves.

We may not notice how we begin to compromise for the sake of our loved one, and for that feeling that we are loved. We suppress our own desires again and again, and we even betray our dreams.

I had a long-term relationship, and time played a cruel joke on me — I gradually began to give the relationship with my loved one the most important place in my life. And my dreams, my hobbies, my relationships with other people, and even the time that I devoted only to myself automatically faded into the background.

Later I could not understand why I feel bad, why I don’t have time to think about my life, why I always think only of making our relationship better, or how I can bring joy to the person I love.

And years later I no longer recognized myself. It took me a great effort to come back to the time when I listened to my inner voice, which often reminded me of the path I want to go, and the future I want to live in.

I was pushing myself into the background for so long I could not hear my inner voice anymore. I could not hear myself. But I was able to return to myself, having made the same number of steps in the right direction as I unconsciously did walking away from myself.

I listened to my inner voice, which often reminded me of the path I want to go, and the future I want to live in.

Take time off

To return to my real self, I had to radically change my thoughts and my way of life. I took the opportunity to slow down the speed of my life, took an unplanned two weeks off, and made a promise to myself to do only one thing during each day.

I’ve chosen all activities that I always liked, the things that inspired me or made me feel better. I did it the way my inner voice told me. I used the philosophy of slow living to be myself again and to bring harmony back into my relationship with myself.

Every day I started with a slow breath and then I reminded myself that I don’t need to rush, I don’t need to compare myself and my life to others, I don’t need to exchange my time for something that won’t be important to me in a few years. I had to change my habits, I had to change my consciousness, and that’s how I returned to my true self.

If you give yourself time to just be, you will be able to feel love for yourself, and gratitude for being who you are, and confidence in life being amazing and beautiful. There will always be a place for love in our life if we do not lose the ability to love ourselves.

I don’t need to exchange my time for something that will not be important to me in a few years.

Don’t be afraid of the truth

I was very often afraid to admit to myself that my attachment to my partner no longer has anything to do with love, but rather reflects my own fear of being alone again.

At such moments, I was forgetting that I will always love myself. I was mistakenly starting to believe that my only goal in life is to love another person. And, as important as it may be, it cannot come first.

The truth is always somewhere in between. Harmony is also in the balance between your life and the life of another person, your freedom and their freedom, your own feelings and desires, and the feelings and desires of the person you love.

Freedom always comes after acknowledging the truth — about what we think and what we truly feel. Only in this freedom can we love another person and still remain ourselves.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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