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When we filmed Wanda over four years ago in Rochester, New York, she told us the harrowing story of how after her family discovered she was gay, she was sent from Puerto Rico to her uncle in Western New York and admitted to a mental hospital. The aftermath was fraught with struggles, but she ultimately thrived thanks to the regional LGBTQ community.
We caught up with Wanda recently to hear about how she learned to accept herself, forgive others, and inspire her children – and whether the candle she held for Jennifer Lopez years ago still burns ever so brightly.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:00
[Music]
00:04
welcome to this week’s story update
00:06
today we’re going to be speaking with
00:08
wanda
00:09
before we do let’s take a look at her
00:10
story my name is wanda martinez john cox
00:14
born and raised in puerto rico when i
00:16
was little 1993
00:17
i’m 13 years old i was watching miss
00:21
universe
00:22
and we had this tv that was black and
00:25
white
00:25
on tv very small because we were
00:28
kind of poor and then about about 9 30
00:32
when you had the last 10 finalists of
00:35
puerto rico was still there so it was
00:36
really exciting you know the puerto rico
00:38
was there because
00:39
i was never know that my miss universe
00:41
from puerto rico
00:42
she was pretty beautiful and now my
00:45
sister
00:46
i told my sister to hold on to the
00:48
antenna also i can watch the last
00:51
10 minutes to see who i won and miss
00:54
universe from puerto rico she won
00:57
that year and i wrote a letter
01:00
to her saying that i wanted to celebrate
01:04
and take her to the movie theater
01:07
and just hold her hand so when i wrote
01:09
it down in a
01:10
yellow paper and i fold it on four and i
01:14
put it under my pillow on saturday my
01:16
mother and
01:17
it was like a cleaning day on saturdays
01:20
and my mother did laundry so i was
01:23
outside playing and my mother called me
01:25
guandani martinez serrano
01:27
and is so i knew that i was in trouble
01:30
and i came
01:31
to the room before she caught twice and
01:33
i saw the paper in the floor
01:35
she said that she didn’t want to see
01:37
something like this again again to be
01:39
thinking about
01:40
girls that way i said okay
01:43
and but she told my grandmother
01:46
so my grandmother took me next day to
01:49
the church
01:50
and she told me that why it was such a
01:53
saying to think about that about
01:55
girls so i confessed and we went home
01:59
i’m choosing not to tell anybody and
02:01
then about
02:02
five months later i saw jennifer lopez
02:06
on tv and
02:07
i was like oh my god she’s beautiful who
02:08
is she and
02:10
that’s when my grandmother somehow she
02:13
heard me
02:13
when after that happened actually
02:17
my grandmother said after the high
02:19
school that
02:21
to make plans to send me to united
02:23
states
02:24
so i graduated from high school and i
02:26
was 18 was in 1997 actually
02:29
and my grandmother thought that it would
02:32
be
02:33
better if i come here gets on treatment
02:35
so mental treatment
02:37
so i can get fixed because of me liking
02:40
women’s and she said that i was going to
02:44
hell
02:44
and people like that usually they get
02:47
hiv i never heard they were hiv
02:49
at all i don’t know what she was talking
02:51
about i came here to newark
02:54
new york very close to rochester to live
02:56
with my uncle
02:57
everybody right after that i was in
03:00
mental hospital
03:02
for seven days the doctor
03:05
were not sure why i was there and i
03:08
didn’t either because
03:10
i thought i didn’t know that i was doing
03:12
anything wrong
03:13
so after i get out for the mental health
03:16
hospital
03:18
i tried to commit suicide twice i tried
03:20
to commit suicide because i didn’t know
03:22
how to fix myself
03:24
and and i thought probably i will be
03:26
gone
03:27
my family will be better without me
03:29
because i will not be ashamed anymore
03:32
after the second time of the suicide
03:34
attempt
03:35
um it was a realization to me that
03:38
god said to me you know it is not your
03:41
time to go
03:42
i’m the only person who’ll tell you when
03:44
to go and
03:45
so it wasn’t my time that’s when i
03:48
realized that
03:49
the guy had my back so somebody from
03:51
work told me that i need to
03:53
take the class from the gay alliance the
03:55
gay alliance is
03:57
the lgbt resource center
04:00
from rochester new york and
04:04
when i got out from work i started my
04:07
windshield
04:08
a paper folded with money because i
04:10
didn’t have the money to go to the class
04:12
and says
04:13
you should go to this class and i went
04:16
that night
04:16
it was a connection it was like oh my
04:19
god this is
04:20
who i am and i don’t want to leave
04:22
because i just want to keep talking
04:24
about
04:24
you know how these people feel and this
04:27
is the same way that i feel
04:29
and it’s like not something sick is this
04:32
is
04:32
this is something normal so now i
04:36
um live in canada new york in the finger
04:39
lakes
04:39
um mary uh
04:42
we did our wedding in the church of
04:46
course
04:46
because i would not want it any other
04:48
way and um
04:50
and i have two kids that i love very
04:51
much and i work for the federal
04:54
government so
04:55
i’m not happy happy i can’t express how
04:59
happy
05:00
i am of my life and i want to make sure
05:02
that people know and kids know that
05:05
that if i did it they can do it too they
05:08
can have a great family
05:11
awesome kids um and still be involved in
05:14
the community
05:15
okay wanda thank you so much for joining
05:17
us how are you
05:18
good how you doing nathan i’ve been
05:21
doing well it’s been
05:22
i think over five years since uh since
05:24
we filmed that story
05:26
um it was great to watch it again i have
05:29
a lot of
05:29
questions and thoughts and the first one
05:32
uh first question i have is
05:33
have you spoken to your family like your
05:36
parents or anyone else
05:37
about that experience since it all
05:40
happened since
05:41
you know being admitted to the mental
05:42
hospital and you know the conversations
05:45
you all had about
05:45
you liking girls actually uh that’s a
05:49
great question
05:50
um i did have this conversation
05:53
two months ago with my mother um
05:56
and it didn’t went very well
06:00
um but for me it it was something that i
06:04
needed to
06:05
do it for myself to continue
06:08
um living my life
06:11
and i’m letting the past go
06:14
um and not having the kind of nightmares
06:17
and
06:17
some of the stuff that i’ve been dealing
06:19
with
06:22
wow so that was just a couple months ago
06:24
that you had that conversation and
06:26
and did that end well for you personally
06:28
like did it help in letting go
06:30
um yes i was a little bit angry because
06:34
my mother didn’t want to hear about it
06:40
she’s very supportive but i think
06:43
she’s in denial of the processes
06:48
me coming to the united states it was
06:50
her fault
06:51
um so that process she’s in denial
06:54
she’s very supportive now as of myself
06:56
as a
06:57
uh listening and coming out it’s just
07:00
the process from
07:03
me coming to united states being a
07:05
mental hospital and
07:06
stuff like that she’s in denial that was
07:08
her fault um
07:10
so it was a little bit um pretty uh hard
07:16
conversation
07:17
um a lot of things that i never said
07:19
before so my mother never
07:21
i never things that we never spoke about
07:24
before
07:25
um this is like over 20 years so
07:29
we didn’t stop for a couple days we were
07:30
speaking already um but it was something
07:33
that i’m glad that she know
07:35
my feelings and my thoughts um
07:39
and even though she doesn’t agree at
07:40
least and that’s out of my chest
07:43
after 20 something years so yes
07:46
for me for me is is it was it was
07:49
perfect
07:51
good i’m i’m glad that that that worked
07:53
out well for you and just getting all
07:55
that off your
07:56
you know i’m sure it feels like you have
07:57
a lot of weight off your shoulders just
07:59
by
07:59
even having that conversation with her
08:01
um so
08:03
in your story you you talked about you
08:05
know you
08:06
you had a crush on miss miss universe mr
08:08
puerto rico
08:09
and then jennifer lopez uh are you
08:12
still do you still follow jlo and is she
08:15
still
08:16
your favorite uh jayla i’m hoping that
08:19
we will get married when
08:20
me and my wife get divorced i hope that
08:24
will never happen but
08:25
in my dreams she is still my number one
08:29
i do follow her facebook and
08:33
all the stuff that she’s doing right now
08:35
even though
08:36
she’s in a great relationship but i’m
08:38
hoping
08:39
in my uh little dream that he
08:43
become a lesbian or something so have
08:46
you tried writing it on a piece of paper
08:47
and folding it and putting it under your
08:49
pillow
08:51
actually i have i’ve had her in my
08:54
office
08:55
before a picture of her
08:59
so but no i haven’t uh writing actually
09:02
i
09:02
did reach out to her um
09:06
the uh the month before a wedding and
09:09
i invited her actually to our wedding
09:13
um but i know that her birthday is the
09:15
day before
09:16
but i wanted to do it to see what
09:18
happened
09:20
so yes it was it was uh it is pretty
09:22
cool
09:24
and maybe maybe your wife sabotaged that
09:27
she was like no no jlo at our wedding
09:29
you’re going to leave me for j.lo
09:33
she says it uh with jayla she’s pretty
09:36
comfortable
09:37
because it’s been my first crush but
09:39
she’s pretty comfortable but
09:41
um she couldn’t believe that i did send
09:43
her an invitation for a wedding
09:47
so yes it was pretty cool and you all
09:50
have you’ll have
09:51
two kids is that right correct yeah yeah
09:54
so how was
09:55
how’s the family life been going during
09:58
uh the pandemic and the
09:59
shutdown and how are y’all holding up
10:03
yeah actually um for us it’s been pretty
10:06
good
10:07
we are very careful um and
10:10
we’ve been helping some of the people in
10:12
the community people especially older
10:14
who need help
10:16
because they cannot get out and stuff
10:18
like that so
10:19
we’ve been um pretty good um just
10:22
because mentally we tried to be prepared
10:24
since this started
10:26
um and thankful because of zoom i’ll be
10:28
able to stay in contact with
10:30
my sister from france and my sister in
10:33
puerto rico and
10:34
family and stuff like that so we’ve been
10:36
um pretty good and healthy we’ve been
10:39
changing some stuff around the house
10:40
like
10:41
workout in the house and doing some
10:45
different yeah some a lot of vacations
10:46
in cancer but
10:48
uh we’ve been we are healthy so we’ve
10:49
been doing prison
10:51
good i’m glad to hear that good um
10:54
so in your story you know you you went
10:57
through all
10:58
those experiences of you know being put
11:00
in the mental hospital
11:01
and even though there’s nothing wrong
11:02
with you what would you
11:04
if someone’s watching this who who might
11:07
feel that there is something wrong with
11:08
them what
11:09
words would you have would you share
11:11
with them
11:13
actually um for the longest time i
11:16
thought there was something wrong with
11:17
me
11:17
that’s correct um and
11:21
you know when you believe in yourself
11:24
because
11:25
a lot of people will not be there for
11:27
you especially family
11:29
if you stick with that person to believe
11:32
in yourself oh
11:32
even yourself i mean for myself was of
11:35
course
11:36
that um i don’t think
11:39
there’s nothing wrong with us i really
11:42
believe that we are
11:43
here in a planner for reasons for me is
11:45
to help other people
11:48
and help the other lgbt in the community
11:50
who’ve been through the same process
11:52
of something similar that i went through
11:55
i believe that everybody is here for a
11:58
reason
11:59
and there’s nothing wrong with this
12:02
human
12:04
species that we are here i believe that
12:07
we can reach out to
12:08
a community and that’s one of the reason
12:11
the gay alliance was that’s one of the
12:12
reasons that i went
12:14
there to get to know a little bit who
12:16
are who i am who i was
12:18
um and just reach out to the community
12:21
reach out to
12:22
somebody that who can believe in you
12:25
one person can change um
12:28
can really do several things
12:31
you know help you out but i really
12:34
believe that
12:36
things happen for a reason and i read a
12:38
quote yesterday when i went to a museum
12:40
from city fisher and he says
12:44
um to believe who you are and not
12:47
don’t change anything um something
12:49
similar like that but don’t change
12:50
anything about you
12:52
just believe who you are you be
12:54
authentic
12:55
and i think that’s really powerful was
12:57
really great to see there because
13:00
in that moment i was with my daughter
13:01
and i wanted to see something like that
13:03
to believe in herself
13:05
beyonce insect don’t do it to be
13:07
somebody who she’s not
13:08
and um and i think um sometimes when
13:11
people
13:12
believe that there’s something wrong
13:14
with them um
13:16
it’s because of self self you know the
13:18
self esteem
13:19
low self-esteem because of the parents
13:22
of whatever the people being
13:23
talking to them about negativity
13:27
um i think when you be around more
13:29
positive people and that’s
13:30
happened to me being involved in the
13:32
community helping people
13:34
it changed my life so just stick with
13:37
the positive help people
13:39
around you because that will help
13:43
helping yourself too so i think that’s
13:46
the best therapy for myself
13:49
to basically know that there’s nothing
13:50
wrong with you and to surround yourself
13:52
with
13:53
people who are supportive and positive
13:55
and create that
13:56
that support system absolutely that that
14:00
that’s great advice uh wanda anything
14:02
else you want to share
14:03
with anyone about your life or what’s
14:05
going on or any any exciting
14:07
news it’s pretty exciting i know 2020 is
14:10
being
14:10
uh pretty negative with a lot of people
14:13
but for myself
14:14
um 2020 was the day that i realized that
14:17
i need to
14:18
reach out to my mother and you know have
14:20
that tough conversation
14:21
once again after 23 years um
14:25
so i think that was it was a great thing
14:28
to do it for 2020 but
14:30
staying healthy mentally healthy so that
14:33
was for me
14:34
a plus and um our life is being
14:39
blessed and great we have a financial
14:42
business and we’re still helping people
14:44
in disaster relief so
14:46
um i’m very blessed and very um
14:50
very happy for the the stuff that we
14:52
have
14:53
um like i said having that conversation
14:56
with my mom it was in my
14:58
back you know like a little heavy
15:01
backpack that was uh every night
15:03
um not letting me sleep
15:06
um but finally um now i’m happy
15:10
i’ll be able to see her on the holidays
15:11
and that for me is
15:13
uh a great thing because i don’t have
15:15
that cheap in my children
15:16
any longer so i’ll be able to let things
15:20
go more easily so
15:21
yes i’m so glad for you like yeah as you
15:25
said uh 2020 has been rough so i’m glad
15:27
that you
15:28
found a way to find something personally
15:31
rewarding for yourself
15:32
so i’m sure that’s a great feeling so
15:35
well thank you so much for taking the
15:37
time to chat with us and to
15:38
let us catch up with you it sounds like
15:40
things are going real really well for
15:41
you
15:42
and i wish you and the family all the
15:44
best and you know the upcoming holidays
15:46
so
15:46
um if anyone has any questions for wanda
15:49
just leave them in the comments and
15:50
wanda maybe you can check back
15:51
periodically to respond to some of the
15:53
questions
15:54
and we’ll see all next week for next
15:56
week’s story update thanks for watching
15:59
thank you
16:08
[Music]
16:12
you
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
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Photo credit: Screenshot from video
