Are You Indulging in These 3 Unhealthy Behaviours To Get Over Your Ex?

I remember my last break-up where I needed an army of people to help me cope up with it. Luckily, this ex was a nice one and not the one I’d speak badly about. But my coping methods to get over them was like what it would be in a nasty and painful heartbreak. Sadly, it was just as unhealthy.

I don’t know if this is because of instant gratification or our need to constantly have a source of dopamine as attention that most people in my generation hop to a dating app right after a break-up.

I’m a year younger than millennials and the oldest year in Gen-Zs, so I identify with a bit of both.

I see most people around me with similar unhealthy coping mechanisms to a break-up. To add to that, even the memes we see online popularise unhealthy coping mechanisms such as bitching about that person or dying in anxiety craving for an ex so much that these behaviours are normalised. But there’s a better way to go about them.

And trust me, it’s a lighter and happier alternative as opposed to the common one where we inflict negativity upon ourselves.

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Sleep with other people

Ouch, harsh start. But achingly common to be missed. Sleeping with other people has never been easier as it is in today’s digital age where you can swipe right for sex.

According to a study by Vrangalova (2004),

one of the motivations of hooking up is to increase self-esteem and let go of unpleasant feelings.

Studies also show that casually hooking up doesn’t just make you prone to sexually transmitted diseases but also leads to negative social consequences where your relationships with those around you get impacted because of your own behavioural changes.

In the long term, it also impacts psychological wellbeing which affects women more than men as a physical relationship for the two can mean different things.

What you can do instead

You’re craving affection or want a distraction to let go of your pain, but these two problems can have unique solutions than indulging in something which will impact you mentally.

For e.g. how about a day out with loved ones (friends or family) or keeping yourself busy with hobbies?

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“He/She anyway didn’t deserve me”

Come on, you know this only makes you feel better.

Yes, the other person can have flaws and they may have done something terrible to you. But placing yourself above them only makes you feel better, that too momentarily.

It’s like a placebo where you feed yourself a lie to feel better.

You’ve had a good time once upon a time and there’s no point feeding yourself this statement. I’ve been on this side too, and I met that guy months later with his incredibly hot new girlfriend. So no, clearly it was not about deserving the other person — sometimes things just do not work.

What you can do instead

Acceptance helps reduce stress and make you happier. You can start your journey of acceptance by being more aware of your thoughts and letting them pass without judgment.

For e.g. when you think of your ex, see if you attach words to them (“he was a jerk”) and if you do, try to detach from it. Just let them pass and tell yourself that many things in life come to an end for good, and this is one of them.
Yes, it is like low-key parenting yourself where you’re teaching your mind to indulge in better habits.

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Trash Talking

Oh, I see your smirk, dear reader. You know you’ve done this at least once in your life. Bitching about your ex is so relieving, isn’t it?

Trash talking about your ex is a way of venting out, which is actually good for you. Studies say that it’s better to vent out bottled emotions, as holding back on anger and sorrow can have a negative impact on your emotional and physical health.

However, venting out more frequently is a practice that can easily be a part of your routine, and make you that person. Venting out feels good in that moment of release but doesn’t help solve the issue. So what can you do to move from a temporary pleasure to permanence of healing?

What you can do instead

Experts suggest several practices which can help us complain lesser such as,

• Looking into the larger picture: will this matter 5 years from now?
• Find the positive: appreciate the good times
• Practice gratitude: be grateful for how you evolved and what you learnt

This will help you become more tolerant and calm.

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I know you’re in pain, and indulging in the above behaviours makes you feel better. But this is a temporary relief from your pain and the pain won’t subside with these one-off behaviours. Even worse, they negatively impact your physical and mental health. You’re strong, and you have it in you to overcome this collapse the right way.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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