5 Signs Your Partner Is 'Breadcrumbing' You

Are you in a relationship that’s heading nowhere?

Okay, don’t answer that question!

Just check your relationship status — you’re in a relationship. I mean, you are happy, have intimacy, enjoy being with each other, but whenever the topic of commitment erupts, you experience a deep silence. For days, you don’t even reach the point of having that conversation again. You know this relationship is headed nowhere. But can’t validate it.

Then suddenly, you see a light of romance in your life. Your partner makes you believe they love you the most. They take you for candlelight dinners and woo you. But the fire extinguishes again when you try to talk about commitment.

This dating phenomenon is called “breadcrumbing” — where someone keeps you interested just enough to stay in a relationship without committing. It doesn’t let you decide whether you should walk out of the relationship or stick to it.

In simple terms, when someone leads you with flirtatious behavior without wanting to be emotionally involved, it’s a sign of no true love.

Breadcrumbing behavior is acceptable for casual dating when no one’s serious and has no strings attached. But if you’re seeing your future with your potential partner, you need to ensure you both are on the same page and that you’re not being breadcrumbed.

I have experienced it in my life, and I can tell how devastating it can be when the bubble of trust bursts. So, watch out for these red flags.

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1. They clog your phone with (intermittent) messages.

Breadcrumbers will send you periodic messages, emoji’s or become a robot that will like your every Instagram picture and comment on every Facebook photo just regularly enough to keep you interested, but not so frequently that you feel a connection.

It’s a weird, meticulous discipline that requires real work to perfect — effort that makes you think, “Why don’t they put this effort into dating appropriately.”

They seem to be having a sixth sense that tells them to “up their game” whenever you think of moving on. They try to win you back with their sweeter-than-sugar flirtatious behavior, and you have only one emotion — “Aaawww!”

What you can do:

First and last, don’t fall for it!

How?

Breadcrumbers have a pattern. Identify it!

They have periods of high engagement and then no activity at all. They squander your time and inject a sense of dishonesty into a relationship. So the next time your cutie-pie Tinder match cancels meeting three times in a row but “stalks you on social media,” attempt to move on to someone worth your time and energy.

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2. You don’t get healthy vibes.

Do you trust your feelings or what people say to you?

That’s how you can identify a fake lover. Trust your instincts if you feel that your partner tells you one thing, but you feel the opposite. They never lie. People can mask their fake emotions by flirting or practicing flattery, but they can’t stop the vibes emitted from their true feelings for you.

A happy person need not speak or smile to exude happiness; a breadcrumber doesn’t need to do anything foolish.When someone’s not pure at heart, they emit the same “toxic” vibrations. You can feel it, but the rose-colored glasses don’t allow you to believe it.

What you can do:

Walk away from anything that gives you bad vibes. There is no need to explain or make sense of it. It’s your life. Do what makes you happy.

Trusting your instincts can’t be taught. It can be experienced. It’s the inner voice that tells you what to do and what not. The more you listen to it, the stronger and louder it becomes to convince you of the reality.

So, whenever you’re in the presence of your partner, pay attention to your feelings. See if your partner’s words and actions make you feel good. Note if you feel that invisible connection. Observe if you feel the companionship of your partner worthy enough to plan your whole life together.

3. They phase in and out of your life.

If you’re breadcrumbed, you’re basically their last priority. As a result, the most likely moment they’ll contact you is when they’re bored… which may not happen very often. It’s a red sign if they’re simply texting out of the blue.

This can mostly happen with your “ex.”

You break up and move apart. You choose your way; they choose theirs. You move into a new relationship, and suddenly your “ex” comes back. They try to win you back with all the possible tricks they can. This behavior often confuses you whether the love you left years ago was true or the one in which you’re presently in is.

What you can do:

True love never leaves you. If you both separated ways mutually and you’re happy with your new relationship (with some other person), there’s no question of turning back.

Breadcrumbers tend to jump into your lives when they see you happy with someone. Since they couldn’t find anyone else, they think they can have you back; just for a short time as they search for someone else. So don’t be a victim of this vicious mentality.

4. Your communication with them is like a mobile phone signal in a desert. Inconsistent.

Breadcrumbing may be defined as taking a long time to respond to your communications, as well as being disorganized and inconsistent while expressing interest in you.

You never know when a breadcrumber will text or call you back. They may appear kind to you now, but they may be as frigid as ice tomorrow. They may be very much into you right now, but the next moment they might be thinking something else.

What you can do:

Try to have an honest conversation about their aloofness. In a relationship, especially in the dating period, you deserve to know what’s causing them to stay reserved.

Prolonged silences or intermittent communication can create many misunderstandings. So be clear in what you seek from your potential partner.

5. You feel worthless.

They send you a message and imply that you should meet up, but they don’t show any desperation or make any plans. It’s you who has to make plans for dinner dates, long drives, and weekend getaways.

Even after taking all the trouble, they don’t show up. You feel worthless like a doormat. When you ask them what’s going on between you, they either avoid the subject or say they don’t want to name it.

A relationship with a breadcrumber is one-sided. Only you’re involved.

What you can do:

“You attract what you believe what you’re worth.”

So, recognize your value and show yourself some love and care. Do something you’re good at. Spend more time taking care of yourself and doing activities you like.

Remind yourself — “your worth is independent of anyone’s appreciation.” You have the right to feel valued in a relationship. If you think you’re being treated unimportant, it’s imperative to let go of that relationship.

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Takeaways

Breadcrumbing may not be toxic or harmful if you’re not in a serious relationship.

But if you are emotionally involved in a relationship, you must feel valued and get good “commitment” vibes from your partner. Also, if your partner is avoiding communication or jumping in and out of your life according to their wish and convenience, you might want to reconsider your relationship with them.

To avoid being breadcrumbed:

Understand what you want out of a relationship
Know your self-worth
Set healthy boundaries
Trust your instincts
Don’t be scared to say “no”

Remember, love doesn’t hurt; loving the wrong person does. So don’t lose your faith in love and relationships.

Don’t worry. It is not a crime to love the wrong person. Most people manage it at least once in their lives. ~ Alex Gerlis

You deserve love. If you’re not satisfied with the relationship you’re in, it’s time to turn the page and start afresh.

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If you liked this story, join my friendly letter. It’s jam-packed with motivation and creative suggestions for you — the most important person in your life.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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