I long to make people I love happy, but like most people, wow, I am really terrible at that sometimes! For instance, there was this one time…
It was the end of winter. Cool, crisp, slightly warming up – perfect outside. Absolutely beautiful weather for some family and friends to gather together to do some outdoor projects. Everyone appeared to be getting along and really growing in appreciation of each other.
Suddenly, there was barely anything positive about me to this person I confided in and trusted. No thought was considered mine, I was simply an extension of the supposed horrible influence of a man I was just beginning to get to know.
I miss the relationship I used to have with the person I confided in, who I have known and loved and trusted. I miss the relationship with the man I admired. I believed a lot of beautiful things were happening but then they unexpectedly and drastically changed and just kept changing for the worse.
Now, I feel I am a curse. I feel I let down the person who says I have terrible judgment. During this time, it seemed like they always saw the worst in me and expected that I was going to hurt them in some new way that would be worse than ever. Here is what helped me cope with this and what may help you in a similar circumstance.
First, I recognize that I cannot change how someone perceives me. I can only focus on my own feelings. I chose to always love and care for and be there inn the best way I know how for the person I trusted regardless of how they felt about me.
In some ways, it can be perceived that this person treated me unfairly, but I choose to remember how this person treated me in positive ways and how this person was there for me through tremendously difficult times when nobody else supported me like they did. Whatever distance was between us during this curse moment, there are a lot of other amazingly positive moments to place this moment in context with. I choose to focus on my feelings through the frame of this perspective.
Second, I will always remember the good in both of the people I hoped to continue being close to. The person I trusted has been an incredible force of good in my life. They introduced me to my faith, they helped me to make some really good decisions, they protected me from a lot of terrible things, we have shared an abundance of happy memories and special moments together, and so much more. I treasure this person’s presence in my life.
Also, even if the man and I were to never speak another word to each other, I will set apart my happy memories with him in a place within me where the sadness that ensued will not be allowed to overcome the happy moments. I enjoyed the hope of having anything to do with such an incredible person who had so many gorgeous qualities that I did not even know were possible to fit into one human being. I am happily ruined to ever appreciate any other man as much as I have appreciated him.
Third, I look to my faith to strengthen me. A lot of uncertainty and heartache took place throughout this past circumstance and my faith in Jesus supported me in incredible ways. He brought kind people my way, He provided hope for me when circumstances were utterly lacking, He gave me creative solutions that could not have happened with His grace, and He helps me to learn lessons that give me better wisdom for the future.
In sum, I focused less on what had been destroyed and more on what I have had the incredible fortune to experience while it was positive. Sometimes the bottom will fall out from under you, but things come together again. New adventures abound and they are full of love and hope. You’ve got this!
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This post is republished on Medium.
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