Freud argued that external challenges alone do not produce what he called neurosis. Some powerful internal component like a simmering conflict is also necessary. He explained, as quoted by Robert Dilts in Resolving Conflicts with NLP, “In order to become pathogenic, external frustration must be supplemented by internal frustration.” Typically, this internal conflict is between a wish, for instance that you want to write a novel, and a worry, say that you don’t have sufficient talent. This wish-and-countervailing-worry dynamic plagues countless people. Or the conflict may be between a personal value, say that you want to speak in your own voice, and a cultural value, maybe that you are supposed to blend in and bow to the common will. Inner conflicts come in countless variations.
In Freud’s view, neurosis arises primarily because of these unresolved internal conflicts. He wrote, “One side of the personality stands for certain wishes, while another part struggles against them and fends them off. There is no neurosis without such a conflict.” He argued that the sufferer was typically only aware of half the conflict, the wish part, the “I want to write my novel” part, and not the worry part, not the “I probably don’t have enough talent” part. Or both parts may have remained out of conscious awareness: the patient may not quite recognize that he is dying to speak in his own voice and may also not recognize to what extent his culture is stifling him. Because the conflict remains unconscious, the sufferer is prevented from resolving the conflict.
Freud considered that the therapist’s job was to bring these conflicts out into the open. He wrote, “An effective decision can be reached only when the two forces involved in the inner conflict confront each other on the same ground. To accomplish this is the sole task of the treatment.” The psychoanalyst, by non-directive means and through techniques like free association, is to help the patient air the conflict, quite possibly for the first time ever, and find relief in that very airing. But the airing is not enough. The patient gains important insight by virtue of having the conflict aired; but then he must work to actually resolve the conflict.
Getting both sides of the conflict named, and thus reducing its power by exposing it to the light of day, is the necessary first step in eliminating the conflict. Suddenly you know that there is a conflict and what the conflict is about. Then you endeavor to bring the conflict to some satisfactory resolution. For example, you meet your own objections by asserting that you do have the requisite talent to write your novel or the requisite courage to speak in your own voice. Having met your own objections, you are now in a position to incubate and nurture productive obsessions.
If you are harboring some powerful inner conflict, the playing field is currently not level. It is inclined in the directions of safety and denial. To be able to take the risks that come with productively obsessing, you must do the work of airing and resolving any simmering inner conflicts. Although they are off in corner of awareness, they make their presence felt in your self-talk: by closely monitoring your self-talk, you can learn which conflicts are tilting the playing field and then proceed to resolve them.
To learn more about the ideas presented in this blog post, please see two of Dr. Maisel’s titles, Redesign Your Mind: The Breakthrough Program for Real Cognitive Change and Brainstorm: Harnessing the Power of Productive Obsessions
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
