7 Mature Ways of Solving Issues in a Relationship

It feels good to fall in love with someone and them loving you too feels even better. I don’t know if there’s anyone in this world who doesn’t like to be loved. I have seen people who wanted to be single their whole life but at some point, it gets lonely that you’ll prefer being with an imperfect person to being alone.

There is no perfect person hence there isn’t a perfect relationship. That means you will get hurt sometimes and you’ll hurt the other person. Other times you will have problems and no solutions.

Relationships are not as easy as they seem.

It takes learning from mistakes and making better decisions. You can choose to be with a person and be imperfect with them or keep looking. People look like they are perfect at the beginning of a relationship but as you keep going you start seeing their true colors.

A person can’t hide their true self for long and unfortunately, this mostly comes when you are deep in the relationship.

You don’t learn to deal with a problem until you are into it, that is why couples look for advice after marriage and not before. The importance of marital advice is not clear until you need it.

I remember my mother used to tell us that marriages are not easy, people hide so many things. The only thing you see is a family going out together or a couple holding hands but if they gave you a sneak peek of their life together, you’d never admire another one.

If you are not careful, you can be so miserable in a relationship that you don’t see your own importance. Some of the biggest problems in a relationship can be solved easily but people lack the knowledge to do so.

Being in a relationship means you have to share your space with someone else and it doesn’t happen magically, you have to learn to do it.

Here are some ways you can use to get your relationship on track.

1. Tit for tat

This one doesn’t work in relationships. Revenging someone for something they did never ends, the only thing you are doing is hurting each other over and over.

Revenge is sweet, it has consequences and sometimes you might do something that’s hard to get over or even forgive.

Love is kind and if you love someone, hurting them shouldn’t be something you enjoy. During some times, your significant other might be hurting you may be emotionally and you will be tempted to do the same but don’t.

You don’t help a person by hurting them, you do that by showing them what love is.

Occasionally, someone treating you bad might be a reaction to something you did to hurt them so don’t be quick to judge.

2. Learn and unlearn

This is what a relationship is all about.

We are brought up differently and taught to deal with things differently. Being in a relationship means you are going to disagree often and you will have to agree at last.

As human beings, we have good and bad/toxic traits that we are not aware of until we meet other people and they show us who we really are. Your family and friends may put up with your bad behavior, but not someone that’s going to spend their lives with you.

You have to be willing to learn and change for the one you love because eventually, they’ll give up!

Maybe there are some things you were taught by friends on how to treat men/women but it’s just messing with your relationship. The moment you realize that, don’t wait for things to get worse and unlearn that even if it means going to therapy.

A relationship coach once told us to never give up on a relationship until we have tried our best.

3. Silence

Anyone that has used silence knows that it’s a good weapon; it gives you peace and allows space to think for both of you.

Imagine quarreling every time without ever getting to a solution, having no space, and no time to think about things.

Silence forces you to think, see things well and decide with a clear mind.

When you are wronged by your partner it’s ok to keep quiet other times because some mistakes aren’t worth wasting time for. Those small problems can get you into fights and if it’s not something that bugs you or threatens your relationship, leave it.

It can be boring to be with the same person for a long time and it’s okay because we are human but go about it the right way. Mostly when people are like that, they start quarreling for no reason. Being quiet helps a lot in those situations, it helps both parties, for one to give space and the other to think.

Mood swings make a person start arguments for no apparent reason. When your partner is like that, just keep quiet to give space. Some women do this when they’re on their menstrual cycle, it’s good to understand that.

4. Communication

Not communicating with your partner causes a barrier. When you don’t know someone’s intentions for doing something, you start drawing your own conclusions. Most of the time, the conclusions are not right.

Learn to ask questions even when you’ve made up your mind and the explanations you seek will give you peace of mind. No one knows what you think until you tell them, it’s good to let your partner know when they’ve wronged you. That way it won’t happen again, and if it does, they will have an explanation even before you ask. That right there is the power of communication.

If you have been wronged by your partner also ask them why they did what they did. The answer that’s provided will give you some light and you’ll be able to make a good conclusion.

I have seen partners that carried grudges for a long time and they even get to the verge of separation. When you get fed up with nonsense, fear goes away, and you say everything on your mind. That is where people discover secrets and get ashamed for things they shouldn’t have done.

Things would be a lot better if we communicate in relationships.

Also, know when to communicate, you can’t just say what’s on your mind anytime. Talking at the wrong time can make things even more complicated. Talk when your partner is in a good mood, less violent, and calm.

When talking, don’t start cursing or telling someone how stupid they are. Talk in a civilized manner showing them that you care and respect their perspective.

5. Stand up for yourself

There are people who are so weak in relationships that you discover you can use them anyhow you want. Again, we are human and if you show someone that they can boss you, that’s what they’ll learn to do. Before you know it, they are too much and you can’t handle it.

In order to get back on track, you’ll have to be strong and stand up for yourself. It doesn’t mean you become toxic or abusive, do it in the right manner knowing that you might have enabled the bad behavior. Make it clear that you won’t tolerate any emotional or physical abuse.

If you love your partner, give them time to transition because they used to be the alpha and can’t just come down easily. With time, they’ll think about it and see what they were doing was wrong.

The right person will love you even more for showing them that you are strong and that you can defend yourself.

Did you know that confidence makes you look attractive?

Standing up for yourself is healthy for both you and your partner.

6. Forgiveness

Forgiving seems small but sometimes it’s huge especially when you have a pile of baggage. What I love about forgiving is that it gives you peace and freedom from stress.

Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.

Holding on to anger makes you bitter and it may even blind you from seeing love. Most of the time, the person who wronged you might not be thinking about that anymore. That means you are hurting yourself for something that’s not even your fault.

Forgiving makes you stronger and a better partner.

Holding on to anger can also bring you or your partner health issues.

7. Ask for help

A relationship can be too much and you don’t always have to do it alone. Asking for help means you want things to get better, it doesn’t mean you are weak.

For example, for me, I talk to my mum when things get hard or when I need emotional support. It helps me a lot knowing that I can talk to her.

Maybe you don’t need any advice, sometimes what you need is someone to listen to you. A friend or someone that you get along with can be a good fit and also choose someone who won’t go parading your personal problems to others. Getting professional help can be good if you don’t have anyone.

You can also consider talking to your partner if it’s something they’ll be cool with.

Not getting help might make things even harder in your relationship so see a therapist if you need to and do it together.

Relationships are certainly not easy but with the right knowledge, things will be better.

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Previously Published on medium

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