You may or may not believe in “love at first sight” but just like each one of us has to read fairy tales while growing up, it is guaranteed is that at least once in your life there would be a moment when you meet someone special.
And that meeting does not necessarily have to lead to a relationship or any kind of contact at all. It can simply be an exceptionally beautiful, ephemeral moment that you will remember forever. A small, romantic ray of hope that turns us back into hopeless romantics for a short time.
Whether we would like to admit it or not, we all have once believed in fairytales and superstitions. Whether it is the thought of Santa dropping gifts through the chimney or the sight of the 5-dollar note the tooth fairy dropped under our pillow, such memories still have a feel-good effect on our brain. Even though we now know that these things do not exist, somewhere deep inside, we still want to believe in the power of magic.
No matter how hardworking one is, everyone likes a break or a shortcut once in a while. We may be mature and practical, but still want to believe in superstitions and omens. These are cozy cushions the mind wants to cling to when faced with fear and an inability to explain the direct cause and effect in a given situation.
Just like these cozy cushions which aren’t available for the most part in life, the probability of experiencing love-at-first-sight is shunned by the best of us. However, a little bit of thinking would take us back to this very moment and give us a reason to delve into this magical feeling.
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My brush with love at first sight and its impact
And just like this, I experienced this feeling. We were attending mass for Maundy Thursday and the church was crowded with many occasional church-goers. This year too, like every year, my mother had dragged us to mass for all four holy days. I was 16 then and my sisters were 10 and 11. We had no interest whatsoever in the rosary, the procession that followed after, and the lengthy sermon the priest would give. Each year, the same thing.
But there was no way we could reject visiting church just before Jesus was crucified and buried for our sins. This act would bring a lot of evil onto us, just like a superstition gone wrong. In order to sit through this four-hour ceremony, I needed some motivation, and I found it in a stranger sitting 1.5 meters away from me, holding his guitar and attempting to concentrate real hard.
There was something that drew me toward him. He had hair like Jim Reeves, which was quite outdated even 22 years ago. He was sitting obediently with his family waiting fixedly for a cue to strum his guitar from the priest. He rose when the congregation was asked to and showed full interest in the sermon. So much unlike me, who was sitting there just sulking. My heart skipped a beat as he knelt down and prayed with silent, chanting lips after he had received the host.
Normally a guy so pious would not catch my eye, and even when he did, I would not waste all my time just staring at his every move. He wore jeans and a black cardigan and a casual Tommy Hilfiger yellow, white and red jacket. Even through his winter clothing, I could make out that he had broad shoulders and muscular arms he had sweated a great deal at the gym for. As he knelt down in prayer, my eyes pierced through his layers and imagined his six-pack abs and his chest with just enough hair to add a touch of masculinity.
And then, he lifted his guitar and began to play and sing, and lead the congregation. “Lord have mercy!”, they all sang as a response to a bible reading I did not hear because I was too busy concentrating on better things. I sang too but in a different context. Here there was this handsome man, innocently leading the congregation in the most dignified manner, and here was I trying hard not to have an orgasm by just looking at him. The Lord should have had a little mercy and helped me control my seductive thoughts, but they just kept racing.
Sadly, this was the last part of the mass. Of course, he would play and sing tomorrow as well, I thought to myself. I was already looking forward to seeing him on Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and Easter Sunday! I felt butterflies in my tummy at this very thought.
As the priest murmured his final, “Let us pray,” I genuinely prayed that I could see this man a little more closely. As if the heavens had heard me, he came right next to us to collect the hymnals. I felt my heart reach my mouth as our eyes met only briefly. I wanted to talk to him, introduce myself and perhaps, strike a conversation, but now was not the right moment.
As the mass ended, my sisters held my hand and we walked to the car. I could feel a little wetness down there. My mind was playing November Rain and visions of me heading down the aisle as he waited there in the front of the church flashed across. He looked even more enticing in the formal clothing. Oh, what a dream it would be to spend the whole night next to him!
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Yes, looks can kill
As we reached home and downed a bland supper all I could think about was him. The glance in his eyes as he had approached us. His warm, welcoming, sultry smile. His dusky lips with a flash of pink in them seemed even sexier as he moved them in prayer. My blasphemous thoughts were already making me blush and without a word, I withdrew myself to bed restlessly thinking about him the whole night. I was already rejoicing at seeing him for mass the next day. “This time I will make it a point to talk to him,” I told myself.
Yes, he was there, the next day, and the next, and the next. I made my teeth shine with an amalgamation of salt and coconut oil after I brushed so that he too falls in love with my smile. I wore the most attractive, modest attire I could find. I wore lenses and highlighted my eyes to make him flirt just a little.
All three days, he smiled even more sweetly. He played his guitar coaxing the congregation to sing His praises. He winked as I sang, showing my support. Each time I saw him, my pulse raced, even more, my breath stopped for a moment and my hand coiled even more tightly at the hymnal to control this excitement.
He must have been around 7 years elder than me. He probably noticed me gawking at him for three days and just overlooked me as a teenager in puberty. Or perhaps, he did not notice me at all. What he thought was not my concern. I just knew that I had never experienced such a feeling in my groin ever before.
Nothing else had made me happier than the thought of just taking a good look at him. Had we had a chance to take our conversation out of the church, I would have probably been able to date him. I would have had the excuse to know him more and perhaps even be the woman walking the aisle for him.
But like every year, the holy days and our visits to church came to an end. For a few weeks after Easter, I kept praying that our paths would cross somewhere. This time the Lord was not as generous. I never saw him again, but have engraved this moment of love in my heart. 22 years hence, I can feel each and every emotion just as clearly. Thanks to this memory, I can still go to church with a feel-good feeling and a ray of hope every year during Easter.
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Don’t let yourself regret the chances you didn’t take
No matter how much I try to ignore it, I have to admit, this was love-at-first-sight. My friends tell me this was infatuation. Others tell me I was a flirt. Many other mature adults tell me that I was a growing teenager trying to control the pangs of puberty. All of it was wrong. The only thing that was correct was that I was an immature, under-confident teenager who could not muster the strength to speak a few words.
I do wish I was as open-minded then as I am now. I do wish I could have taken our meeting outside the church. I do wish I would have unintentionally held his hand to make him feel my electrifying self. All that was in the past and could not be reversed. All I can do now is think back at this feeling every time life throws its tantrums at me. I am glad that my memory has not failed me a bit and I can relive this moment complete with all its dressings even now.
It was 22 years ago that I saw this man. Since then, life went on. I traveled the world as an Opera singer and met many more men. I had a dozen other lovers. I met my husband, got engaged, married, and the works. I had two children, one after the other. I moved seven countries and sang in a dozen different choirs and met many more other admirers as I graced different stages in the world to sing and lead, just like he had done in a small town in India, in front of my eyes.
Nothing matched the bliss I felt as I saw him. Sometimes, you meet someone who influences you without saying a word. Who provides you a good example of a performer, a human being, a devotee, just by being his usual self. Just looking at this man had taught me the importance of a smile all the time. He taught me the usefulness of being present whole-heartedly at every ceremony of life, no matter the interest. It is only when you immerse yourself fully in an act, that you attract admirers.
If he could teach me so many lessons just from a distance, what would it have been to know him closely? What would it have been to feel him as he caressed me at opportune times? What would it have been to hear words for hours coming out of the mouth of his wise man? All these are riddles that I cannot solve now. These are questions I would never get answers to. It is true, some things are best left unanswered.
I spent only four days of my life looking at this man. But I have thought about him more than 50 times. Especially at the time when my parents were hunting for a groom for me, I prayed and prayed to get to see him again. “This time I won’t let him go,” I told myself. But as they say, some things in life happen only once.
But I am now sure that there are no coincidences in life. This experience of love, at first sight, will remain a memorable one for me. And if ever I experience the pleasant coincidence of seeing him again, I am sure I would still recognize him and make sure this time I do not let him go.
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8 signs you’ve experienced love at first sight and should totally take the plunge
Only a lucky few can actually confirm the controversial phenomenon of “love at first sight”. The realists among us will think that you can’t know if you “love” someone just by looking at them. But this is about much more than good looks — charisma, movements, demeanor, attitude, and other supposedly small things play a major role here.
- For some reason, your adrenaline is pumping, your heart is beating faster, and you have this weird feeling (aka butterflies) in your stomach. These are all symptoms of experiencing love at first sight, unless of course, you react this way to every cute guy who gives you a half-hearted smile. Then it is definitely not love!
- You get incredibly nervous and don’t really know why. You are otherwise an outgoing, social person. People don’t usually make you that nervous, which is why you can tell right away that something special might be going on here.
- Rarely do you meet someone for the first time and have a feeling that you already met this person. A two-minute conversation seems like a lifetime. You do not really know the person, but you are able to go a step further and vouch that he/she is gentle. Something about him seems incredibly familiar to you from the start. Don’t wait! This is love-at-first-sight. Make the move!
- You have gone through many heartbreaks. Every guy you meet seems to be not your type. This time, it’s different. You already can guess what he would say next. You have the same likes and dislikes, or mannerisms. Take the hint and strike the iron while it’s hot!
- You can’t stop thinking about him ever since you set eyes on him. Maybe you hardly spoke but you are already ready to head in his direction and relive this moment of just seeing him. You could do anything to get to meet him one more time. Your friends all day have to hear you whining, “I miss him already. I want to see him again.” They are obliged to do something for you to calm down — — it’s love at first sight.
- You are sick and tired of dates and meeting weirdoes, but you have an intuition that this time it will be different, even before you make the move. Do not let your battered heart and practical mind shut off your gut feeling. You will experience something you won’t have to regret.
- The first date did not turn out right. Either of you could not concentrate due to unplanned events. Life happened, and you had to cut the date short, but deep down you know that this short moment would not suffice. Make all amends to have a second meeting!
- You were looking at only sexual attraction. You are not ready to commit to a serious relationship. However, it’s not just a purely sexual attraction— there’s something else at play here. Maybe your eyes are telling you to involve your heart in this man.
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If you have experienced any one of the above-mentioned emotions, the universe is telling you to take the next step. Let go of self-esteem. Do not wait for the other person to make a move. Do not writhe in pain just because it will hurt your ego. There are so many different people in the world, but you will find just one special person with whom you can spend a major portion of your life. Start with spending the right moment, and then don’t forget to take it a step further and let yourself experience the magic of love at first sight.
It may sound cheesy, it may sound like a fantasy, it may sound like a dream and irrational, but before you think with your mind, let your heart take control. Do not make the same mistake as me. If things don’t work out, there is another time, but if you never tried, you won’t get a second chance. You cannot turn back time.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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