Parents of Transgender Children Speak Out Against Anti-LGBTQ+ Bills [Video]

HRC held a virtual roundtable with parents of transgender youth to discuss the dangers of anti-LGBTQ+ bills moving through the Arizona legislature.

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

0:01
good morning everyone thank you so much for being here um in this late morning
0:06
slash um early afternoon in dc um i am so happy to be with you all this morning
0:12
um my name is bridget sharp and i she her pronouns and i am the arizona state
0:18
director for the human rights campaign um thank you for joining us for our virtual roundtable with parents of
0:24
transgender youth on the dangers of anti-lgbtq bills moving through the legislature this year
0:31
um i before we um sort of introduced our speakers and parents and start the discussion i want to talk a little bit
0:37
about why we’re here today transgender youth have been under attack in state legislatures for several years
0:43
and a record number of anti-trans bills are on track to be filed in 2022. these
0:49
discriminatory bills largely focus on denying transgender youth the ability to receive gender affirming care and
0:56
participate in school athletics programs here in our home state of arizona our legislators have filed more than a dozen
1:02
anti-lgbtq plus bills this is more than any legislature across the country they
1:08
are currently considering three bills that attack lgbtq plus youth and transgender youth in general last week
1:14
the senate passed senate bill 1138 which bans best practice medical care for transgender youth sb 1138 is a cruel and
1:22
potentially life-threatening bill that would harm trans youth who rely on gender affirming services medical
1:29
decisions should be made between parents children and their medical teams not politicians this bill was just assigned
1:36
to the house judiciary committee additionally last week the house also
1:41
passed house bill 2161 which requires healthcare entities and school staff to forcibly out lgbtq plus children to
1:49
their parents hb 2161 will also cause severe emotional distress to lgbtq plus
1:55
youth who are more likely to face victimization violent violence and suicide this bill was assigned to the
2:02
senate education committee just yesterday and then earlier this week senate bill 1165 an anti-transports ban was assigned
2:10
to the house judiciary committee and is also awaiting a hearing date this harmful discriminatory bill would ban
2:17
transgender youth from participating in sports consistent with their gender identity these kids are just kids and
2:23
they should be allowed to play the parents joining us today have had to sit through hearings and listen as our
2:29
elected officials attacked their children they’ve shown no shame as they’ve tried to dehumanize and
2:34
invalidate their identities in the crosshairs of anti-lgbtq elected
2:39
officials divisive political strategy are vulnerable children who are simply trying to navigate their adolescence i
2:46
want to be clear politicians are culpable for the harm they cause to lgbtq plus people’s well-being simply by
2:53
being subjected to continual legislative attacks on their dignity and humanity
2:58
there are real consequences to the discrimination perpetrated upon lgbtq plus people and particularly transgender
3:06
youth 55 percent of lgbtq plus arizonans have reported that they’ve suffered from
3:12
depression in just the past two weeks alone last night in his state of the union speech president binding condemned the
3:18
onslaught of state laws targeting transgender americans pledging his support for trans youth being targeted
3:25
by lawmakers in state houses across the country and just today more than 2500 parents
3:30
from all 50 states and washington d.c issued an open letter organized by hrc
3:36
condemning the avalanche of anti-transgender legislation moving in legislatures across the country
3:42
arizona lawmakers must do the right thing they must put an end to these harmful bills that are hurting trans
3:48
youth and their families the parents of transgender youth joining us today will share more about these
3:54
bills and the personal impact they are having on their lives and the lives and well-being of their children we will
4:00
leave time at the end for press to ask questions after our discussion i’m now going to turn it over to lizette
4:06
and jose trujillo from tucson arizona to introduce themselves and share a little bit about their family
4:16
good morning everyone and thank you for being here with us today my name is lisa trujillo i am the mother of a 14 year
4:22
old transgender son who socially transitioned when he was eight years old and so we have been on
4:29
this journey for a very long time we are also proud members of the human
4:34
rights campaign parents for transgender parents for transgender equality
4:39
national council it’s a mouthful as well as facilitators and coordinators for
4:45
sagas families transformed here in tucson arizona we are a latinx family
4:50
bilingual and proud of our roots here in arizona um this has been an a terrible
4:57
time for us um it’s been a terrible three years because this isn’t the first year that we’ve
5:03
actually experienced anti-trans legislation and um feeling the effects and the hostility
5:10
that this legislation continues to wage against immigrant families and um trans youth makes it even harder
5:18
when we want to call this state home and so um
5:25
i just wanted to share those bits with you all here in our introduction um and
5:31
hope that through this conversation we can share with you the human side of our
5:36
families and our children and that that can be conveyed to our communities
6:00
[Music]
6:46
is
7:12
thank you and i’d love to pass it over to kristen downing also from tucson arizona
7:17
thank you thank you all for being here today my name is kristen downing i live in tucson
7:23
i have a husband we’ve been married almost 20 years which makes me feel old we have two kids a 15 year old and 11
7:29
year old we have a dog who is my third child and a house full of
7:35
random reptiles that my teenager has collected we are all home most of the time my husband works from home
7:41
i’m taking online college classes my 15 year olds taking online high school classes my home school my sixth grader
7:48
so we have a very full happy crazy chaotic wonderful life i’m very thankful every day
7:54
um unfortunately the past few months i’ve had to take a lot of time away from
7:59
my family and our crazy life um to speak out against all of these anti-trans bills that would harm my
8:05
family my 15 year old is trans non-binary and uses he him pronouns a little bit about
8:12
him he is i know i’m biased as mom but he’s a truly gifted artist he creates
8:18
worlds and characters and i just love hearing all about them as i said he is obsessed with reptiles
8:24
and wants to be an exotic animal vets he’s just a wonderful kid who has so
8:30
much to offer um the reason i’ve gotten so involved on the medical bill in particular this year
8:36
is because about a year ago i wasn’t sure that my teenager would be
8:42
around um to share his light with the world um
8:47
truly it’s because of our supportive community we have so many friends and family that surround
8:53
us are loving and kind they see my child as more than his pronouns and gender
9:00
identity but also especially um our doctors and therapists who again see my child as a
9:07
person um and just briefly i’m just i would love to say that regarding the medical bills
9:16
you know every child’s path is different every you know that’s true for everybody every medical journey is different but
9:23
with us and from what i know of families here in town and part of the families transformed with liza and we hear
9:28
stories every decision that we make for and with our kids is done
9:35
with so much consideration and care and and discussions with the doctor and
9:40
then discussions at home with the family and none of it is taken lightly
9:45
we are constantly thinking about my child’s best interests well-being mental health
9:53
putting the government in the middle of that is is i don’t even have words it’s it’s an awful idea and it’s my right
10:00
as my child’s parents to make the medical decisions for and with my child
10:06
and so i just wanted to say that that’s the reason that i’m so involved with the medical
10:11
part of this because i’ve seen it firsthand with my child and i just i want my child to grow up i want my child
10:17
to become a vet and breed the geckos and go to expose even
10:22
though i hate snakes and reptiles i you know i want that i want all of that and he has the right to that he has a
10:28
right to have the same health care as his peers he has the right to live his life
10:34
and have the same rights his gender identity should not preclude him from getting
10:40
good health care thank you thank you kristen and now i’ll pass it to derek fielder a parent from tucson as
10:47
well hi i’m derek i’ve spent most of my adult life in the
10:54
united states army or army national guard in the service of the principles of the declaration of
11:00
independence in the constitution i’m currently a captain in the arizona
11:06
army national guard i fought in war and deployed four times because i believe so devoutly in this
11:12
principle and so it’s pretty
11:19
disheartening to you know to see these bills come up
11:24
to our legislation and and actually have a chance of passing i’m here today because my son is
11:30
transgender he came out to us as transgender a year
11:36
ago when i was on deployment overseas and
11:42
it’s been a it’s been a difficult process for us um
11:48
you know my wife and and my intuitive reaction when he
11:53
came out to us was to express our unequivocal love and support
11:59
but uh that wasn’t easy we me my wife talked uh
12:04
you know on video chats and and on the phone for months you know
12:10
trying to figure out what’s the best way forward what’s the best thing to do for our for our child
12:17
you know for a long time we hope that it was just going to be a phase that would pass if we just
12:23
didn’t talk about it with him until i got home from deployment uh
12:28
we spent countless sleepless nights worrying about whether we’re doing the right things
12:34
and we had a lot of shame you know my wife and i both believed ourselves to be
12:40
a progressive open-minded people you know we rely on reason and science to
12:46
to come to decisions about things and to form our views but there we were wishing desperately
12:53
that our child was not transgender so
12:59
yeah i took that opportunity that sense of shame to start doing some research and
13:05
start really figuring out trying to understand what this meant for my son for us
13:13
and just in general what does it mean to be transgender so i did a lot of research
13:18
i’m a nerd i’m a big dork so i started looking up academic articles
13:25
sociology psychology medical reading as much as i could
13:30
and i learned a lot that changed my mind about a lot of misconceptions that i held previously
13:38
um you know the biggest thing is that i learned that
13:43
gender affirming care saves life and i also confirmed what i knew
13:48
intuitively that what matters is my child’s spirit and character as a human being
13:55
and yeah my ten-year-old has the courage to live authentically
14:01
in this day and age with all these tax he has courage and he trusts that i’m going to love him
14:07
no matter what for who he is and that humbles me he makes me a better father and a better
14:13
human being um i don’t think any parent wants this for their children knowing the hardships
14:20
and dangers that are involved but what we do want is for our kids to have the freedom to
14:26
live authentically to have hope for their lives for their futures and to have the opportunity to realize those
14:33
hopes and and that’s why i’m here thank you thank you so much derek and uh delia
14:42
hi my name is delia hogan i am a native arizonan i was born here in phoenix i
14:48
haven’t lived here my whole life but most of it my daughter was born here and my parents live here we have definite roots here in
14:55
arizona um we knew from the time our child was
15:00
about five that she was gender non-conforming um she told us first she wanted to be a girl
15:07
we never pushed any kind of agenda on her we just let her be and after years
15:13
of wearing my tank tops as dresses when she was six and she pretended to be
15:19
pregnant and years of talking about how boy doesn’t feel right to her when she told us at
15:26
age 8 that she was transgender we weren’t surprised and we supported her wholeheartedly it was never an issue for
15:31
us at 9 years old on thanksgiving day unbeknownst to her father and me
15:38
she bravely took every one of her aunts uncles and grandparents
15:43
and cousins out to the backyard of my sister’s house and one by one told them
15:50
i am not the boy that you thought that i was i am sophia i’m going to use she her
15:57
pronouns and i’m asking you to support me in this whether you agree with it or not
16:03
because you’re my aunt uncle grandparent cousin whatever and i love you and that’s what we do for each other
16:11
and at that moment uh sophia was born and she has been sophia ever since
16:19
and uh she’s now 11 almost 12. that is seven years
16:25
of figuring herself out in a home that never forced any kind of gender stereotypes on her
16:31
this isn’t a phase it’s not a trend this is not a three minute tick tock for
16:36
her this is her life this is her reality and this is her identity and it is hard
16:43
living in a body that she doesn’t identify with is a kind of hell that my child deals with every day and i see how
16:49
it hurts her i see the yearning in her eyes to look like the other girls i hear her cry in
16:54
the shower when she’s forced to see her body and i’ve listened to her and held her as
17:00
she tells me how she would rather die than to live in the body that she has
17:06
and if that’s her only choice she would rather opt out and in those moments
17:12
i know that i would do anything in my power to make it better for her
17:17
anything that would give her a future that she can look forward to so this last year when she started
17:22
puberty i witnessed the relief and tears of joy on her face and we told her that she could get the puberty blockers that
17:28
she had been just that were her hope for her future i believe that they will quite literally
17:34
save her life no parent chooses to have a transgender child
17:40
it’s widely misunderstood it’s publicly debated it’s treated with hatred and derision and transgender people face
17:47
huge social obstacles just to survive our world doesn’t understand kids like my daughter and instead of trying to
17:54
they wish to control that which they don’t understand and which scares sb 1138 and other bills like them all
18:02
over the country are a blatant attempt to erase transgender people from public life for no other reason
18:07
than they do not conform to the norm children like my daughter pose no threat to anybody
18:13
and they just want to live and be offered the best chance they can to grow up and be productive members of society
18:19
and this best chance consists of pausing puberty letting them be themselves
18:26
and letting them have the space to explore their identities safely and non-permanently
18:31
until they decide if they want to transition none of this is impulsive
18:37
every child receives therapy there is a standard of care it is handled with diligence
18:44
respect it is handled delicately is a process that takes time requires
18:50
research every every parent of a transgender
18:55
child has agonized over these decisions and i am here today
19:01
because my daughter is only 11 and now knows what it feels like to be discriminated against by her own government
19:07
the institution that is supposed to protect her she doesn’t understand why she can’t just be who she is without having to
19:14
defend it she wants to play video games and hang out with her friends and just be a kid
19:20
instead she is afraid and stressed out and angry that her medical care is going to be
19:26
taken away from her and she is going to be forced to live in a body she didn’t choose can’t accept
19:31
and doesn’t identify with she is acutely aware that she and only
19:36
she will have to suffer the consequences if these freedoms are stolen from her not the politicians who are taking them
19:41
away then in order to keep the care she needs
19:46
she will have to leave the place that she was born her friends her grandparents her aunts and uncles her cousins her community
19:54
to move to a more inclusive and tolerant place and start over
19:59
not because she’s committed a crime or done anything wrong but just simply because of who she is
20:07
she has said that she has had to watch her mother cry many times tears of frustration she feels attacked she has anxiety she
20:14
suffers from separation anxiety in short she suffers all the adult things that
20:20
she is too young for and should have to be forced upon her by an institution that is determined to erase her
20:27
she’s a little girl she loves history she loves her friends she’s a vegan she loves animals
20:35
she just wants to be and i want to be able to support her
20:42
and i want our lawmakers to support her just being the beautiful child
20:49
that she is thank you so much julia um so a couple questions i’d love to pose to our
20:56
parents um and and feel free to speak up um how are these anti-trans bills that
21:01
are moving through the legislature directly impacting your child’s mental health and well-being
21:09
well i know for my son he’s nervous he’s stressed he just started playing basketball
21:16
and now he’s wondering is he going to be allowed to keep playing if they find out that he’s
21:22
transgender so we haven’t told any of the coaches or anything um
21:27
that worries him yeah he’s already worried at school
21:32
our school has been great ever since we notified them that my son was transitioning
21:39
they were very supportive they’re being excellent about using the correct
21:44
pronouns and everything and even then he’s still nervous about using
21:49
the bathroom at school he doesn’t want to use the the gender-neutral bathroom because
21:56
it just makes him feel you know segregated but he’s afraid to use
22:02
the bathroom with the gender he identifies as and these bills
22:08
don’t do anything to alleviate that they just make it worse
22:13
he just wants to be who he is and
22:19
this challenges that it makes him worry about whether he’s going to get to continue being who he is he’s been so
22:24
happy since we moved here a few months ago being able to live how he’s felt for a long time
22:31
and and always now in the back of his mind he’s wondering is this going to go away
22:39
and really quickly just uh considering time um if anyone on any reporters on
22:44
the call would like to ask your questions via chat um i can go ahead and
22:49
ask those of the parents as well um just be sure you identify which publication you are from
22:55
um lizette or kristen did you want to hop in on that uh previous question
23:02
i can sure um it’s been awful for my child um you know it’s hard enough being a
23:08
teenager in the middle of a pandemic and all that entails um the conversation that keeps coming to
23:14
mind that happened last year during the last legislative session which was also awful um
23:20
something had happened you know it’s 20 20 when something happened every day i can’t remember what
23:26
murder hornets i don’t know what it was but my husband said to my teenager don’t you watch the news and he said why would
23:32
i watch that all that’s going on are people debating my existence which
23:38
he was 14 at the time and it’s awful that these kids know that so it’s it’s heavy on me as
23:44
mom it’s hard to constantly be begging for my child to have the same rights um but harder than that is to know how
23:51
heavy it is for him to know that there are people out there who
23:56
feel like he shouldn’t exist so
24:03
i’m still on you sorry about that um and then um delia did you want to hop in
24:09
on how how that’s affecting you and your family
24:14
yeah i mean absolutely i mean we are in the process uh we just sold our house
24:19
here in scottsdale and we want to move to uh chandler so that we can be closer to our family and friends and um
24:27
going like that’s supposed to be a happy you know
24:32
time like like we’re moving we’re going to be buying a new house we’re going to be doing all of these things and
24:38
you know this has been a rain cloud over our heads for you know just months and
24:46
the threat of having to leave because that’s really where that’s really the crux of this issue is that if these
24:52
kinds of legislation pass we are going to have to leave arizona
24:58
and this is a real problem for us i have parents here who are aging i have a
25:05
community here this is where i was born and to have to the the threat of having
25:10
to leave is it’s intolerable to think about that we we literally just can’t stay
25:18
because of who who my child is it’s
25:24
it doesn’t make any sense and it is
25:30
it’s harming my daughter’s mental health it has been and it continues to
25:36
she doesn’t understand and she’s so angry
25:42
and so it’s just you know constant damage control
25:48
trying to fight against these things takes me away from her takes me away from my husband
25:54
takes me away from house hunting trying to you know find a place for my family to live
25:59
and it’s it’s stressful there are many nights where i you know i
26:05
just break down in tears and you know and and i can’t hide that from sophia i don’t i don’t hide it from her because
26:12
she needs to see that i’m fighting for her so it’s it’s very difficult it’s
26:17
extremely difficult and it’s wrong is the real the real bottom line is that it’s
26:23
it’s not right and then one final question for lizette and jose what do you want arizona
26:29
lawmakers to know about your family and how um these bills affect you all on the
26:35
on a daily basis i think the most important thing that i want to impress upon journalists is that
26:43
um the way that we frame the conversation matters there’s nothing wrong with
26:48
our transgender loved ones or our children um i hope and pray for a future
26:54
where trans loved ones are accepted and
27:00
and not rejected in their homes what is really wrong is the ways in
27:06
which society and policy makers have discriminated and um
27:12
discriminated against and how we as a whole society have discriminated against
27:17
transgender people and i think that that was
27:23
you know that’s that’s the most important thing but i think our son has said this on more than one occasion i go
27:29
to school and i’m safe and i’m happy and i’m supported by my friends i have a wonderful community and when i go to the
27:37
capitol i hear adults speak about me in ways that is discriminatory
27:43
and scary and not true to my experience not true to my lived everyday experience
27:50
and so i think that these are um fabricated problems to garner
27:56
uh votes and um and to create fear in communities about a population of people
28:04
that are already vulnerable and i also want to say my son wanted me to
28:10
say that he is proof that loving your child and supporting them and creating
28:16
communities um that are supportive and and putting them in school settings uh
28:23
that allow them to focus on just being a kid and focus on the on gay and achieving an education um
28:31
he’s proof that all of that works that having a care a medical care team that uh offers resources um that
28:40
playing sports everything that his cis peers get to do every day just ensures that he too gets
28:47
to thrive like the people around him and so while um we recognize that there are a
28:53
lot of youth trans youth especially who do not have that experience that my child is having if we created a better
29:00
world all trans kids could and so i think that moving forward we have to
29:06
really talk about this in a way of like how do we create love empathy and understanding for an
29:12
already vulnerable population that faces violence and homelessness
29:18
uh and discrimination day in and day out how do we make a better tomorrow and so it’s my job as a mother to do everything
29:25
that i can to make sure that tomorrow can be all that it needs to be for everyone’s kids on this panel not just
29:32
my own and for future children and future generations so that the world can finally change
29:38
um do you want to say anything yeah sorry yeah i like it
29:45
uh i i would like for for for people to understand that uh
29:51
we’re we’re no our family is no different than any other family we’re trying to raise our
29:57
children you know whatever whatever whatever the hell that means like we’re
30:02
trying to raise our children everything that’s that fits that we’re trying to get them to thrive we want them to be
30:08
educated we want all of we want all the best for our children the same way anyone
30:13
uh hearing this once for their children whoever has children um this bills all these things are are are
30:20
roadblocks on top of on top of the gargantuan
30:26
effort that is put on on raising children on top of that and and it’s not it’s not
30:32
just roadblocks for many of the of the children in the community it
30:38
it literally could mean life or death for many and so
30:43
this is an experiential uh thing if if they’re not in it they can’t see it and what i’m asking is
30:52
believe us believe us believe that we’re doing the right thing because we love our children believe
30:58
that we’re we we’re we’re not we’re not googling things on i don’t know we’re not we’re not going on on
31:04
youtube and trying to figure things out no we’re we’re doing research we’re talking to professionals there are professionals helping us along the way
31:12
and and trust that parents know what’s best we don’t need government involved in what’s
31:19
best for our children thank you if i could i’d like to make a comment on
31:25
that as well sure um i would kind of to second some of their comments um
31:32
i just want lawmakers and everybody to know that we’re just ordinary people like
31:37
i grew up on a farm in rural nebraska my wife grew up in a blue working class family she’s a nurse
31:45
um i worked for over 10 years in construction before getting a new career just recently
31:52
um we’re not radicals or deviants or you know any sort of uh
31:58
straw man image that these lawmakers are projecting unto us um
32:04
you know my son too he’s a typical kid
32:09
you know we started noticing things when he was about four when he started going to
32:15
preschool you know he’s a super vivacious fun smart funny kid
32:22
and he kept complaining about not having friends at school and i didn’t really get it you know it just
32:29
really confused me so i didn’t really put much stock in what he was telling me but over the years it just got worse and
32:35
worse to the point where he’d be crying at bedtime saying why can’t i be normal so that other kids would want to play with me
32:41
and i didn’t get it even then i just felt terrible until he came out to us
32:47
and and then i got it and i started understanding why he felt so
32:53
separate and apart and that’s why we moved as you know we
32:59
we couldn’t keep living in iowa and our kids being miserable and not fitting in not having a community and we found that
33:06
here you know we we’ve gone to uh families transformed in in saurita
33:14
and we found a doctor that specializes in trans youth we have we found a therapist
33:22
and it’s just transformed our son he’s flourished like never before
33:27
and you know he’s just
33:34
you know he’s like any other kid out there that’s not transgender you know he loves basketball drawing writing
33:40
every week he wants to do something different when he grows up you know and it’s just so much fun to watch that
33:47
enthusiasm for his life and i just i want to see that continue and to do that we need to have access to those
33:53
support structures whether it’s medical care or supportive sports and education
33:59
we need to have that to give them a fair shot at you know realizing the opportunities and
34:06
the hopes that he has thank you so much for that derek um just
34:11
being aware of time i wanted to wrap up give a huge huge thanks to derek
34:17
delia lizet jose and kristen for being on and taking time this morning to share
34:22
your stories and be vulnerable um on such important issues and i know that
34:27
the team at hrc will be following up um with press um with you know documents as
34:33
well as just follow-up information um so please expect that but we really appreciate your willingness to to hear
34:39
us out uh this morning and uh give really good attention um to these issues
34:45
that are affecting so many here in arizona thank you so much everyone

—

This post was previously published on YouTube.

***

You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:

Escape the Act Like a Man Box

What We Talk About When We Talk About Men

Why I Don’t Want to Talk About Race

The First Myth of the Patriarchy: The Acorn on the Pillow

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock