Essay 5 of 18
Dude, what I’m a little bit suspicious about, as a generational colleague, is that I don’t know if these younger folks’ view process as we do. Because some of the assumptions you’re making about the process and lengthy processing…if something doesn’t work for them, they very rarely get psychoanalytic.
What I mean by that is they’re not seeing that a lot of times, in these crises of romantic relationships, they’re just as much the agent as the victim of their own distress.
Do you see what I’m saying? Now, for us who are more mature, the reason you want to do therapy… it’s not just self-flagellation.
The reason you want to go is to see where you’re an agent because,
“It’s one thing to have a problem, it’s another thing for a problem to have you.”
You don’t want to be in a pattern that you will keep getting Groundhog Day.
As you get older, your days start getting a lot more precious to you. And you don’t want to be having repeats on foolishness. You go within yourself; you do therapy; you do that third-space to ensure you’re not being the generator of the distress you’re experiencing.
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The only reason I have a hermeneutic of suspicion is not that what you’re saying may not be true; it’s just that, in other words, the truth part maybe with additional processing conversations that you weren’t offered. And with time, maybe some of those issues you cited in your voice notes/casts could be worked out, and then maybe they couldn’t, but what you’re saying is that there’s a nobility and an honor to being willing to walk through that process as a couple.
All I’m saying is, I wonder how much seeing it as nobility and honor is an artifact of maturity.
She is literally part of the microwave generation and, add to that, a person who also grew up in privilege. I don’t know… I don’t know? That sits with me as a question.
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Essay 6 of 18: Walking Through Your Ashes (coming — 03.12.22)
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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