The girl at the bar with pink hair. The guy at the coffee shop reading Shakespeare. The woman in the boardroom with fire-engine red lipstick. The free spirit who quits their six-figure job to live in a one-bedroom bungalow by the ocean.
They capture your attention, don’t they?
Yours, mine, and everyone else’s as well.
And I’m sure these people are aware their looks or actions make them easy targets.
They know people gossip. They know people ridicule and mock.
And they may or may not know something else that scientists know.
For example, they may not be aware that after all the sneering and smack-talking, the very people who make fun of them also do something else.
Fantasize about them.
Whether people want to admit it or not, non-conventional people are highly seductive.
And study after study supports this notion.
For example, Pacific Standard reports on five studies done by a research team at the University of Queensland in Australia. All of the studies’ findings proved the same thing — that different is desirable.
The scientific reason we’re attracted to nonconformists
Most of us lead what Emerson calls “lives of quiet desperation.”
Our lives are routines. We’re living robots. Up at six. Home at five. Dinner. Bath. Book. Bed.
We’re bored.
And anything that makes life a little exciting gets our blood pumping.
This is why nonconformists are so alluring.
Biologically, it all comes down to an increase in the “happy hormone” dopamine.
Brain World magazine explains that “a rush of dopamine accompanies fresh experiences of any kind.”
In other words, being exposed to people who look or think differently than the majority makes us happy.
And happiness is always bewitching.
However, there’s also another psychological reason we’re drawn to unusual people.
We want to be them.
The psychological reason we’re charmed by rebels
We live in a highly judgmental society, and most of us behave in specific ways to avoid the scrutiny of others.
Nonconformists do just the opposite.
And that’s why we’re enchanted by them.
They do what we want to do.
- They say, “Who cares?” when we say, “What Will They Think?”
- They “live on the edge” when we “color within the lines.”
- They’re bold and brave when we’re cautious and cowardly.
In simple terms, nonconformists have the qualities we want, and when we’re around these openly rebellious types, we’re secretly hoping they’ll rub off on us.
Women’s Health cites psychologist and author Dr. John Mayer. He explains the appeal of those who live life “outside the box,” stating that “the actual attraction is over a quality [people] would like to develop or build within [themselves].”
How you can use this information to be happier and more attractive
The allure of “rule breakers” all comes down to one thing.
They say “yes” when we say “no.”
So let’s not say no as much.
Let’s dye our hair red if we’ve always wanted to. Let’s speak our opinion even if the majority thinks we’re crazy. Let’s admit we’re thirty-somethings who love manga or forty-somethings with a vampire fetish (that would be me).
And if people roll their eyes or whisper when we do these things, let’s let them talk.
This is our life, our choices, and our story.
So let’s not give someone else the pen and paper.
The bottom line:
Robert Green gives excellent advice in his best-selling book The Art of Seduction. He states:
“In a society where the roles everyone plays are obvious, the refusal to conform to any standard will excite interest. Be both masculine and feminine, impudent and charming, subtle and outrageous. Let other people worry about being socially acceptable; those types are a dime a dozen.”
And you’re not a dime a dozen, are you?
I know. Me neither.
So let’s not be afraid to show it.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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