Would I have liked it if my husband had smacked the shit out of Chris Rock at the Oscars?
The only way to answer that question with fairness is to consider how I would feel if I started to lose all my hair, found the courage to talk about it, managed to find the strength to make a public appearance, and nonetheless be mocked in public.
On live TV, Jada was ridiculed in front of all of her peers during an international broadcast.
No, I don’t think I would like that very much:
Placing myself in her shoes even further, I likely would have cried every day as my hair started disappearing.
I’d also feel extra pressure if I went bald while working to save a 25-year marriage when all my secrets are exposed to the public eye, including my two kids, could make me gain weight, lose my mind, and probably my hair too.
Considering this, would the audience have felt better if Jada had been the one to smack Chris Rock in the mouth?
She would probably be praised for standing up against an underserved jab.
But It wasn’t Jada:
It was her husband in an outburst of male bravado.
The thing is, her husband happens to be Will Smith, a seasoned actor we all know for his roles as the hero/good guy.
From the looks of things, Mr. Goodie Two-Shoes is no longer hiding his emotions to protect his acting career. He’s way past The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air now.
Indeed, We are living in violent times.
And we need art, entertainment, and comedy to get by.
However, is it OK to have our laughs at someone else’s expense?
As a person that’s gone through a fair amount of bullying, I would enjoy getting even. So slapping a bully across the face in front of an audience right after being ridiculed would feel effing glorious.
I can tolerate you making fun of me; I’ll give you that. However, I wouldn’t go as far as to slap anyone for making a comment about my weight, my accent, or, I don’t know, my writing?
But hearing any negative comment about my husband, especially the type of comment made to make him feel bad about something as painful as an illness… Let’s say I’d see red.
It was no secret, and Chris knew better:
For several months now, Jada has been shaving her head due to a well-known medical condition.
If her baldness were a mere fashion statement, we wouldn’t be having this discussion, nor would her husband have felt compelled to stand up for her in the Oscars.
This event made the news because these days, we are going up and down discussing pronouns while collectively stomping down on a transgender swimmer.
We are having this discussion while condemning Putin for his lack of humanity, but we still feel it’s OK to shame an African American actress for cheating on her husband.
Is humor hopelessly divorced from empathy?
Don’t mince my words, I love dark humor as much as the next gal, and I’ve watched enough comics do stand-ups to call myself a person with a somewhat twisted sense of humor.
Though I’m still processing watching Will Smith lose it, I would have preferred it hadn’t happened, and I’m guessing you’re probably on the same boat.
As an adult, I can understand why he did it. Still, I’m also expecting this to become an opportunity for all of us to reflect on what’s funny, what’s condemnable, and how to stand up for ourselves in a way we don’t end up looking like the bad guy.
The thing about fighting for our rights, our honor, and what we think is fair is that we can’t lose the moral high ground.
Fighting a bully with your fists is the best way to lose credibility.
What you can do and will always be able to do is support your spouse. Become an example for your fans, for your children.
Seize the moment to make your case and be the bigger person.
But we can’t turn back time:
While Chris learned right then and there that he shouldn’t make fun of someone else’s wife without his boxing mouthpiece on, Will could benefit from anger management therapy.
It’s easier for us to judge a person from afar. We aren’t there every morning, watching our loved ones cry in front of a mirror.
Yet, if I were Jada, I wouldn’t be 100% sure an episode like that won’t happen again.
Therefore I would set some boundaries about defending my honor to prevent angry bursts of machismo.
On the other hand, if I were Chris Rock’s wife, I would give him a frozen bag of peas and make him sleep on the couch until he understood why it’s not OK to make rude jokes about a woman’s health.
There’s a lot of conflict in the world already.
Could we learn to get jiggy with it?
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Originally published on Medium.
photo: iStock