Everyone wants to feel respected. Without being respected, people tend to feel like they have no meaning in their lives. This is what I will talk about in this blog post. So, without further ado, let’s discuss Respect!
Respect is better than attention.
Every person wants some form of recognition or attention at some point in their life and identity development process. As we grow older, this desire can become a lot more complicated. As we advance from the toddler stages (such as needing to be constantly held) to the preschooler stages of identity development (which consist of wanting to have a higher social status and role model in our lives), we just want some acceptance for better or for worse.
If you ask most kids what they want, they will tell you something like “respect” or “attention”. Some may even say they want “love”.
Without the feeling of Respect, there is a feeling that one is not being “wanted”, or even worse, being ignored, or worse than that…used.
What is Respect? What does it mean?
Respect is a process whereby people value and appreciate those around them. It means to acknowledge that other people are worthy of trust. Respectful relationships will be ones where their needs are considered, their desires count, and they feel that they have the power to make their own decisions.
“Respect” is a tricky concept for many people to grasp. It is not a tangible thing that one can pick up and get. It does not require money, material goods, or anything of that nature. What is Respect all about?
Respect means different things to different people. For instance, the family I grew up in respected my mother and father at their core and held their dignity in high esteem…but they did not necessarily respect them as individuals. They were still my parents, and they were still family.
When we were at home, I knew that my parents respected me. I did not necessarily have a choice in my upbringing…why would I have?
I am not sure if people would agree with what is written here (that “respect” means different things to different people…but that’s another blog post entirely), but it is what it is and what we are going off of here.
When a child is growing up, Respect for their parents comes quite naturally. As the child ages and becomes more and more independent, this sense of “respect” for the family may become blurred. The child may feel not being respected by the parents (or vice versa), even though the bond is still there.
What about Respect for Friends?
What about friends? Where does “respect” lie for them? Knowing this, one may conclude that all of the “respect” is to be had.
I try to respect (and be respected) my friends. It is hard to maintain such a high level of Respect for anyone at all times, but I try my best.
Respect is something that can vary a lot in the world. There are many different stages of identity where one receives or does not receive respect (or even better, attention) from others.
Here are some examples:
- Kid vs. Teen ~ Respect from Parents varies from kid to kid.
- Teenager ~ Respect from parents varies as well (not all teens want attention)
- Adult ~ Respect varies…some may not respect you at all, and some may respect you as a friend or companion.
- Senior Citizen ~ Respect for long-term residents varies (if they are served a cold plate of food, it does not necessarily imply that they are respected and valued)
Respect from others is hard to define. A concept and an idea of what it means to be respected may even be built in the mind before the definition is known.
At the end of the day, my parents “respected” me. I was their son, and that title was respected. They did not necessarily “respect” my decisions (especially when it came to girls), but they were always there for me. My friends respected me, and I them…and all else followed from there.
So, what does this all mean?
Respect is different for different people. It is hard to define because it means so many things to many people. Different people understand Respect differently. People are generally respectful to others, which enables a whole society to function.
Respect can be given at any point in time and taken from another person at any point in time. It is not about the age of a person. It does not have to come with experience…or even with time.
The idea of “respect” is fluid, and it changes from person to person, from age group to age group, from situation to situation, and more than anything, from the mind to the heart. Respect is not a tangible item or something to be bargained with. It exists in different ways for different people.
The most important thing is…you can have Respect for someone without them knowing it or before they know it. Respect can be built with time and effort as long as mutual feelings of “respect” between two parties involved (or even one party).
In the end, you get from others what you give them.
For every person you respect, there is also a person who respects you in return. Respect is not only felt from “outside” but also from within.
The only thing to remember when trying to understand the meaning of “respect” and the concept of “respect”.
Respect is one of those things that you do not want to receive from the wrong people. Respect comes with time and effort. You have to be respectful to receive Respect (or even better, you have to give Respect). On a side note…
Respect can be taken away from you in many different ways…just like any other thing. Be respectful to others and those around you, for your good and theirs.
You have something to offer, but only if you know how to give it.
Become a Medium member today for full and unlimited access to the Medium.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
—
Photo credit: Tiago Felipe Ferreira on Unsplash
