It’s Either Now or Never for Love

He came back from overseas for good, finally.

A welcoming arrival that was delayed for the past two years. He was supposed to come back before the pandemic struck but the closing border of the countries held him there for a good two years.

Now he is a choice worth considering to elevate further my happiness to the fruition that I have always wanted — to have a husband.

However, there’s some hesitation in me. Why?

Two years — it’s not a too long period of time but long enough for certain things to change. My emotional world could welcome him without hesitation if he were to come back two years ago.

Below was the tarot readers’ analysis of me:

Being a Libra, You’re one of the hardest signs to date and deal with when comes to love.

Because you are a scale. You’re actually not human or animal but a mechanism in the zodiacs. You need to be constantly in a place of balance.

If your partner doesn’t know how to approach you in the right way in some situations and get you to the place of happiness, You will cast doubt on this relationship.

“What if we are in conflict? How are they going to deal with me?”

You need to test them out if you could open more to them. To see if they are able to handle you.

If they are really interested, are serious with you, and want to have a happy relationship with you, they need to be prepared. You’re a more challenging sign to deal with compared to other zodiac signs.

Why am I being so difficult? Is it because of my introverted personality? My lonely and difficult childhood? My generational trauma? My negativity inherited from mom? Top it up being born in the Libra sign?

“What does it mean to have a new beginning now in my life?”

“Do I really want this new beginning?”

“Is this the right move to make?”

These are the questions in my mind. It keeps me awake at night at times.

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My philosophy of marriage is:

Head + Heart = Happily Ever After

My head says:

Yes, he is a good candidate that fulfills my basic requirements of a life partner. He is financially secure and a family man. We’re in a similar age group. He is not a looker and is quite short. He is cautious with his money. Infidelity doesn’t seem to associate with him at all. He is a loving man and knows how to take care of me, more importantly, my vulnerable feelings. For I’m of a sensitive nature.

He checks all the boxes on the practical side. He pleases my BRAIN.

So, what’s my hesitation then? It must be my heart.

My heart says:

“His appearance doesn’t make me sing. He is boring and his lifestyle doesn’t excite me. The town where he intends to retire is not my favorite. Why not drive a better car when you can afford it? It’s not to show off but for better safety and enjoyment — We only live once!”

Let’s be honest — he is not my type when come to looks.

In fact, this is the reason why I gave him a pass last time as a potential life partner. This bruises him a bit but we remain friends.

Alas, Libra is a member of ‘The Lookers’ Association’. Although I’ve already toned down a lot on this nature, he is still quite far off the minimum mark.

I know I know…appearance should not be a too important benchmark when come to selecting a HUSBAND. Yeah, you just said you want a HUSBAND, not a LOVER!

Just like my cousin once told me from a man’s perspective, “a wife is a different role than a lover.”

Again my head says:

Ideally, we can have both husband and lover together in one person, but not in my case now. I need to be aware of my situation now and make a practical choice.

Libra! Haven’t you had enough tumbles? Look at your romance history that’s full of bruises and scars.

Definitely not at your age now, be practical, Okay Libra?

Let’s look at his plus points:

We’ve known each other for the past decade now. We’ve been friends when he was not my choice by then. He’s the one that treasures friendship and family.

I enjoy talking to him and I don’t need to put on a mask when we talk. He supported me emotionally during my darkest hours even he was overseas. He called me immediately to offer words of comfort when I told him my mom just passed away from Covid. Overall I feel safe when I’m with him.

He always plans things in advance and ensures things are in order. Thanks to being a planner in the dead-serious oil and gas industry. He has an endearing personality and is fun to talk to. He is now one of my closest friends in my inner circle.

It depends on how we compromise if we want to bring it to the next level. When I turn my head around after all the past tumultuous years, he is still there for me. I can feel it in our conversations.

What are the downsides?

I knew that he also dislikes some of my personal traits. This includes my liking for a better quality lifestyle. I enjoy living in my current upscale neighborhood. I enjoy the chic and modern living environment. I enjoy the little luxury and traveling. I enjoy dressing well and looking good.

To me, it’s why not if we can afford it? It’s not about being materialistic or showing off, but I simply enjoy the quality and a sense of accomplishment.

You may blame this on me being a Libra. A sign generally sees being surrounded by a pleasant environment in life as essential.

I can feel his little unpleasantness whenever I talk about these luxuries. It’s as though I can hear him asking himself, “am I ready to change all these for her?”

I know that he can afford it, only if he wants to.

He is not the man that can take me higher to see the broader world. Call me an old fashion woman, haha. I do want to admire my man for his capability in the practical sense.

Though we both share quite a similar lifestyle except my liking on a better quality one. He may not enjoy certain things in my world. He can if he is willing to compromise. Will he?

I decided to jump in with a leap of faith.

Libra, just go in and do your best, and see what happens between the two of you. Never try never know.

Who knows maybe I’ll find out his companionship is actually what I need the most and is sweeter than all other worldly things in the world. As he said, “companionship speaks volumes in a relationship”.

Of course, there’s a risk. Taking this risk may bring me my long-awaited happiness.

Don’t be afraid to have a reality check. Taking risks is OK, but you must be realistic. ~ Joy Mangano

Everything is going in my favor, according to the overall tarot card readings over the internet and so is my personal astrology reading.

Don’t laugh! Haven’t all the previous events unfolded according to what they predicted last time? To me, they are real to a certain extent but the free will is in my hands, only I can make it come true with the right responses and actions.

It’s not set in stone. I occasionally use it when I need to get some insights into certain situations in life which I may have missed out on.

If the Universe hands me the gold, I must know how to grab it the right way. Otherwise, it’ll slip through my fingers and get nothing. There never be any chance again in another twenty years’ time. It’s either now, or never.

If he can’t be the prince I admire, he will make a good companion. In life, we always make the best out of it and chose the better option. It’s easier to make decisions with this mentality.

Parting words

Have you ever been in the dilemma of making a decision in a relationship? Is my analysis practical? Or am I overthinking? You’re welcome to share your thoughts in the comment section!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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