4 Reasons Why You Feel Unworthy of Love

Searching for love my friend? It certainly goes without saying that the dating climate is–let’s say not the most forgiving these days.

Are you tired of lonely nights and not being fulfilled in this area of your life?

Are you willing to do internal work in order to get to a better place and put yourself in a position to attract a mate?

So much of attracting somebody to date comes down to the beliefs and attitudes you hold, so it’s possible that one of these could be holding you back from finding the love you are looking for.

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The past

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was some kind of equity in the field of love? I know.

The sad reality is this is not even close to reality. For some people, finding somebody to date is almost second nature, it just happens naturally. For you, perhaps you feel like you have been looked past your entire life.

Do you have too many experiences to count of being passed up? More disappointments than you do years? It can certainly wear on you and make you feel like love and intimacy will never come for you.

This is tough because it’s so easy to adopt the attitude that our past is what will dictate our future, and happens almost involuntarily since your mind is totally clouded by past experience.

In reality, yes, the fact that finding love has been so hard for you should make you consider what it is you need to change in order to find it, but you will decide whether or not the past is going to dictate the future.

There are incredible amounts of pain and frustration that come with constant rejection and disappointment, but you can allow this to give you thicker skin in the long run instead of letting it define your future.

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Internalized shame

If your feelings of unworthiness run even deeper, then it’s possible you are experiencing high levels of toxic shame.

Shame is the most painful emotion anybody can feel, it is a flat-out rejection and disgust of who you are at your core. Shame can occur because you feel like you are unlovable based on trauma from your past, you could feel deep internalized sexual shame, or you can even feel shame at the idea of being seen in such a close and intimate way by somebody. Sometimes you can carry shame for so long that it starts to become an embedded part of your psyche without realizing it.

If you are finding that your attempts to form intimate relationships lead nowhere, it would be worth looking into if the beliefs you carry are getting in the way of finding love. If this is the case, therapy and going through a process of revealing and letting go of your internalized shame might be necessary to insure you are not leading with those feelings in the future.

Photo by Nicola Fioravanti on Unsplash

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Not doing enough self-work

If you don’t admire yourself, why would anybody else?

It’s your responsibility to make sure you are doing as much as you can to become the most attractive and desirable version of yourself.

Whether it be getting therapy and working on your mental health, going to the gym, working on your style, or becoming a better communicator; you’re the one who needs to put in the work.

When you are not doing the work, deep down you will feel like you are not worthy of the love you are going after, and this will sabotage your chances.

Do it for yourself first! Take care of your body, make mental hygiene a top priority, and practice your communication!

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Not being true to yourself

Let’s be real, there’s a lot of bad advice out there about what it takes to attract a partner. What’s really unfortunate is how a lot of the advice out there (both for men and women) comes down to manipulating the person you are trying to get with.

Maybe you don’t even realize you’re doing it. You are trying to act “alpha” or the way you are playing it aloof and “hard to get” is actually just getting in the way of the potential attraction there could be.

On top of that, acting fake is only losing your own self-respect. Stop acting fake!

Work to become the best possible version of yourself and become comfortable in your own, but don’t compromise on you and your values. Don’t try to be somebody you’re not! This is manipulative, and in the long run it doesn’t work.

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Maintain hope

Don’t lose sight of your goal my friend, there’s love out there for everyone! Well, okay–there is for the people who put in the work towards finding it, but if you only wait for something to happen then no promises.

Put in the work on yourself, both internally and externally to make yourself that prize that anybody would be proud to be seen with.

You, my friend, are worthy of love!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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