Heartbreak In Your 40’s Is Different & Deeper

After walking the spiritual path and becoming (what I like to call myself) a “Spiritual Teacher,” I didn’t realize how much of a student I still am in my 40’s. In fact, almost infantile. People like to throw the word “Adult” around a lot when you reach this neck of the woods, and there comes a certain stigma with it: responsible, mature, accomplished, settled, married, calm, honest, and the most commonly misused word “powerful,” because you’re considered an authority figure above children. But what I’ve learned in walking my spiritual path so far, is that what we humans define as “Adults” is not even close to how God intends it — that is, source energy.

Don’t put too much emphasis on the word God. Stay with me here.

We all know the saying, “Before you can love others, you have to love yourself.” But do you know, that there are people who can go an entire lifetime without ever truly loving themselves? It’s not always that easy learning how to love yourself when this world warps our view of what it means to become a fully functioning grown adult. Thus, when people go out there dating in search of love, do they even know what they’re looking for?

By the time you’re 40, most people realize that most of what we’ve been taught was unintentionally misdirected.

When the demand to prioritize high-paying careers, achieve strong educational backgrounds, learn proper etiquette, and maintain good looks supersede the significance of fertilizing our spiritual roots, we neglect to strengthen our true vital life force energy that guides our decisions from the position of spirit and intuition. It’s not that it’s wrong to set ourselves up for worldly success, but if the foundation you’re building upon isn’t rooted in divine support, then it won’t be in harmonious cooperation with the universal flow of divine intelligence — and so you will face unnecessary challenges for being in discord with your higher purpose. In other words, if something isn’t meant for you but you still choose to pursue it through logic and determination, the results will be short-lived as you experience more struggle, pain, and heartache.

When people start developing insecurities, phobias, trauma responses, and hang-ups due to the aftermath of trying to survive in this world, it’s no wonder why people aren’t connecting deeply with other soulmates — it’s because they haven’t even connected deeply with themselves (through no fault of their own). Thus, by age 40, most people are either letting go of an old life that didn’t serve them or they’re just starting to rebuild a new one; and this new life involves embarking on new territory as they begin stripping away everything they thought they knew before — as a supposedly “healthy functioning adult.”

Imagine dating after your first divorce, a major breakthrough, a career change, a life in a different state, or after the death of a parent. When you’re in your 40’s, dating is a little different. You realize how fast time has passed, and how much you’ve had to unlearn to finally start getting things right. Because of this, you don’t just date “anyone” to see what works and what doesn’t because you kind of have a better understanding of who you are, and what works for you. Thus, you’re not as careless or naive anymore to the ways of the world — whether that’s leaving behind superficiality, ego-driven goals, or false beliefs.

But here’s the thing. Some people have a spiritual awakening in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s, or 60’s. It all depends. The magical number 40 is not the same for everyone. However, the most crucial thing about all of this, is that by around this age, some people have already become so severely damaged from the blows of life, that they will never be able to truly love another, let alone themselves. These are the narcissists, psychopaths, and other jaded men and women who unfortunately leaned too deep into the dark side.

This is usually not their fault. We live in a world where we are on the brink of World War 3 because we’re repeating World War 2 from an entirely different generation. And we wonder why it’s been challenging for people on the dating scene to find love. We literally have been raised with a win/lose mentality, competitive at almost every angle, and have silenced our spiritual heritage because we’ve turned away from organized religion — for good reason. (Another story for another post) But while we’re on the topic, true spirituality is the true foundation, whereas, religion is the extension but not the ultimate source.

When people develop relationships with others around their 30s, 40s, and 50s for it not to work out, the separation hits a little deeper because of the veil that is being lifted on all levels. Think of an onion that gets peeled back further and further. To love someone after you’ve already been broken open by some past trauma you overcame is a different level of intimacy, and so when the next (healthier) relationship ends, the tears feel more real and more cleansing. It’s not the same as breaking up with someone in your 20s because at that age, you’re resilient and you know that you still have a lot to learn about life. You’re curious and eager to explore and so you say, “NEXT!” without much worry because deep down, you know that there’s more to life than what you’ve been taught, and chances are, neither you nor your partner really knows yourselves on a deeper level yet — and so, exiting the relationship doesn’t sound so bad.

It’s when you’re older, that these types of situations begin to feel different. The amount of healing you’ve either done or are about to do requires you to choose partners that are in alignment with your higher purpose. You no longer date down, you date up, because “up” takes on a whole new meaning — one with soul, spirit, purpose, depth, clarity, and passion. So, when these relationships finish serving their purpose at this stage of the game, you appreciate them more but are also hurt by them more, because your time spent with them means something deeper since everything you do becomes more aligned with source energy as a real functioning adult.

Lastly, when you are led by the spirit of love, love will surely find your lighthouse.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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