6 Small Ways to Make Your Partner Feel Loved

If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know how important it is to feel loved.

If you or your partner feels a lack of that love, then guess what? They don’t stick around.

Love and belonging are third on Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, showing us how the need to feel loved is psychological; a basic human need.

Maybe showing love is something that comes easy to you, but for some of us, it’s harder.

I didn’t grow up in a home where love was shown or given much at all, and while my husband is great at showing me that I matter to him, I have to work at it a bit more.

And no, that’s not because I don’t love my husband. It’s because I lived 18+ years of my life in an environment without confirmation of love. No hugs, verbal affection, praise, etc.

So while I feel the love I have for my husband, he’s not inside my head with me. He needs me to show it.

And the thing is, it doesn’t have to be in big, elaborate ways. Over the last ten years of our marriage, these are the things that I’ve found have really made an impact on our relationship.

1. Physically touch every single day

This doesn’t need to be sexual — a hug, kiss, or even just your arm around their shoulders for a few minutes can make a huge difference.

Whether physical touch is your partner’s love language or not, touching someone show’s your acceptance of them. It shows them that they matter to you and that you want to be near them.

You know the feeling when you’ve had a hard day and your partner gives you a big hug? You feel safe, like everything’s going to be okay. It takes the sting of the bad day away.

It’s a fact that hugging increases serotonin, and Dignity Health explains how hugs can relieve stress, make us happier, and deepen our relationships.

So make an effort to touch your partner in some way every day. Your relationship will thank you.

2. Make their morning drinks

If you’re both coffee drinkers, make them up a cup while you get yours ready. If your partner makes smoothies while you drink tea, blend their smoothie while your tea is brewing.

This takes only a few extra minutes of your morning, but it shows your partner how much they matter to you. It shows them that they’re worth those few extra minutes, which in turn makes them feel loved.

Maybe your partner doesn’t make a drink in the morning but always packs a lunch to take to work instead. If that’s the case, make their lunch for them a few mornings a week.

Take some time away from caring for yourself and care for your partner. Make sure their needs are met.

3. Put toothpaste on their toothbrush

Do you have a nightly routine where you brush your teeth at the same time? Then take a second to put toothpaste on your partner’s toothbrush.

This might sound silly, but it’s the small things that make a relationship great.

Much like making a morning drink for your partner, this shows them that you care. That you aren’t just taking care of yourself — that you want to take care of them, too.

If you don’t brush your teeth together, think of other small things you can do at night. Does your partner get up often to get a drink? Put a cup of water by their side of the bed.

It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you show your partner you’re thinking of them.

4. Clean up after them

This doesn’t mean you need to clean up every mess they make — definitely not.

But if you’re sitting on the couch watching a movie together, and they have an empty bowl of popcorn on the table and an empty soda can next to it? Then when you get up to go to the bathroom, grab them. Put the bowl in the sink and toss the can in the trash.

Simple, takes a few extra seconds, and your partner will be so surprised and happy.

Depending on how much time you spend with them, you can literally do this multiple times a day. Empty wrappers, cups, milk left out, etc.

Grabbing them and putting them away instead of yelling at your partner to do it really is no sweat off your back, and the rewards for taking a few seconds to do something nice for them are huge.

5. Praise them in conversations with others

When you’re with other people, point out the good in your partner.

If you’re with your in-laws, tell them something great your partner did the other day. But be honest and sincere in your praise, not exaggerating or making things up to make them look good.

Maybe your partner did something small but thoughtful the other day. Point it out. Maybe you appreciate how good they are with kids — share that with your mother-in-law.

Far too often people point out the bad. The things they don’t like about their partners; the things that bother them.

Choosing to point out the good doesn’t mean the bad’s not there, it means you’re deciding not to focus on it.

And since no one likes to be criticized, only pointing out good things about your partner, especially in front of others, will make them want to do the same to you.

6. Really listen to them when they talk

This one is often underrated. How often are you telling your partner something and they’re looking at something on their phone?

They might say, “Yeah, uh huh,” and nod at all the right times, but it’s hard to tell if they’re listening to you.

Even if they are listening, to you, the phone takes precedence. You know you’re not their priority and that hurts.

As Leo Buscaglia said, “Listening is love in action.”

So listen to your partner. Even if what they’re saying isn’t important to you, it’s important to them.

And they’re important to you. So when you love someone, listen to them. Put your phone away and give them your full attention.

Resist the urge to disagree or tell them not to be upset about something — because if they’re coming to you when they’re upset, chances are they aren’t looking for you to fix it.

They’re just looking for you to listen. To let them get whatever it is off their chest so they can move on.

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You don’t need to spend lots of money to show your partner that you love them. You don’t need to take them to fancy restaurants often or bring them flowers weekly.

You just need to show them how much they matter to you. And you do that in small and simple ways as you live everyday life.

And the great thing is, that as you take the time to do small things for your partner, you’ll find that your own love is growing as well.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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