What I Learned From University

Reflecting on my life so far, I’m 22 and finishing my final semester, with graduation just a couple of weeks away. I’ve grown a lot from all that I’ve been through. Sharing from my personal journey, though yours might be different, I wanted to share these lessons because they’ve truly made a difference in my life. Here are some of the main things I’ve learned:

It’s okay to step back to figure things out.

You don’t need to stick to a strict timeline. Taking a gap year during my undergraduate studies to focus on my CPTSD and severe depression turned out to be incredibly valuable. The much-needed break taught me more about myself than any semester ever did.

I realised I needed some time away from classes and assignments to truly reflect on my state of mind and the root of my struggles, rather than just covering them up with endless prescriptions.

Before that, I was on more than five different pills at once, and I can’t even remember all their names. I often skipped doses or didn’t follow my doctor’s instructions because the side effects were just too overwhelming. Back then, I lacked the psychological insight and mistakenly believed that medication alone could cure my mental health issues, not realising that human life is far more complex than that.

Comparison is pointless.

I’ve learned to embrace my past, including my challenging moments in youth and childhood. Now, I feel more at ease with negative comments from people in my ultra-conservative hometown. We all lead unique lives, and if someone judges you for your choices—especially when you are not hurting others—that actually reflects more on them than on you. These days, I feel confident about my life because I know I’m not causing anyone harm, and I live true to my values.

I had survived my lowest period.

Having gone through the challenges of severe CPTSD and depression, I now understand the symptoms intimately in a way that learning through a textbook would never have taught me. This awareness allows me to catch and prevent a mental breakdown before life becomes unbearably overwhelming.

I’ve shaped my life through overcoming my struggles, and now I enjoy a good quality of life. It has helped me appreciate the little things and foster a deep sense of gratitude for everyday moments. These experiences also deepen my empathy for others facing challenges. When I encounter people with psychological difficulties, I respond with kindness and understanding, always aiming to connect in a humane and compassionate way.

I’ve learned to identify what really matters and what are distractions.

I’ve let go of my previous obsession with brands and status, my shopping addiction, and my need for external validation and status anxiety. Now, I find happiness in engaging with my community rather than focusing on individual achievements and social standing. I enjoy connecting with others more than competing.

I’ve learned how to connect with people.

Over time, I learned to nurture and enjoy both professional and personal relationships in a steady, positive way. I no longer experience those emotional rollercoasters that can often be prevented with thoughtful conversations and wise choices.

I’ve learned to prioritise my mental health.

I’ve learned how to respect my boundaries and set realistic goals. I’ve also learned not to tie my self-worth to fleeting things like status or achievements. Surrounding myself with positive people and reaching out for support when I need it has made a big difference, too. These lessons help me stay grounded and feel more fulfilled.

I’ve learned to manage my relationship with my family.

Setting healthy boundaries, understanding which battles are worth fighting, learning to compromise, effectively working with challenging people, and asserting what I need while maintaining my distance when necessary—all while still prioritising achieving my goals.

University taught me academic skills.

I learned how to think critically, evaluate sources, and understand technical biology papers (since I majored in biotechnology). I also discovered effective ways to study for exams and ensure my assignments meet the right standards on time. Managing my time became easier, and I learned how to handle administrative issues with confidence.

I now organise my tasks, events, and deadlines using a calendar and to-do list, which keeps me on track. Additionally, I improved my note-taking skills and started practising active recall and self-testing to reinforce my learning.

University taught me discipline and life management.

Going to college taught me how to juggle university commitments alongside other important things like internships, part-time jobs, taking care of my health, and managing household chores.

I learned how to live more independently, especially while living away from my family. It also showed me how to look after my physical health and personal appearance, and how to build positive relationships with classmates and colleagues.

The experience taught me the importance of meeting my responsibilities and the emotional consequences of neglecting them, which motivates me to remain responsible and focused and to preserve my professional reputation. Living abroad, managing my finances, and handling all these aspects gave me a real taste of adulthood. While I’m still growing, I believe I’ve made more progress than I sometimes realise.

I became wiser in romantic relationships.

I’ve stopped settling for bad boyfriends. When they show emotional unavailability, I find my interest wanes. If they don’t share the load in the relationship and don’t meet me halfway, I naturally shift my effort toward those who reciprocate love.

It’s important to avoid dating someone who expects you to cover their expenses or who is financially irresponsible, such as borrowing money without a clear plan to repay it.

Respect and consent are essential—never settle for a man who feels entitled to your body, pressures you into sex, or becomes manipulative, aggressive, or pouty when you decline. Respecting your boundaries is a must.

Also, steer clear of men who disvalue women, oppose feminism, or whose ethical beliefs clash with yours. Stay true to your values—compromising them for “love” might leave you feeling empty, because genuine love is built on mutual respect and understanding.

Be a good friend and a girl’s girl.

Never forget to cherish and support your female friends just as much as your boyfriend. Your best female friend might be incredibly loyal, sometimes even more so than your partner, and she truly deserves your kindness and respect.

Remember, a man shouldn’t be placed on a pedestal. Treat your best friend like the queen she is; the special bond you share is truly irreplaceable. Be sure to show your best friend that she matters just as much as your boyfriend.

We all want to be the kind of friend who sticks around not only during happy times but also when things get tough, like after a breakup. Being there for each other makes your friendship even stronger. Remember, a good friend is there through every season.

Embrace the beauty life has to offer.

I now look back and realise that taking a gap year to focus on healing myself and building stronger friendships with my female friends truly changed my perspective. They are genuinely my lifelines—more meaningful than any medication.

Ever since my nervous system found its balance, I’ve been able to look up at the sky and think, What a beautiful day!

I’ve started noticing and appreciating the little things around me: the handmade ceramic cups from that cozy Japanese café I often visit, feeling the artist’s fingerprints and admiring the rich brown-cyan glaze, the gentle sunlight softly warming my skin, the intricate scent of a perfume that must have been crafted with so much passion, going through countless tweaks to perfect its harmony. These are things I wasn’t able to see or feel before I healed from my illness.

Back then, my mind was consumed with worries about what I needed to do and what I was missing—thinking I had to be good enough, questioning why it was so hard, or why I couldn’t be like others.

I realised I was living as a human-doing, not just a human-being, constantly pressured to be productive, using that as a distraction from my deep-rooted, low self-esteem.

Now, I’m grateful that I no longer see life as a torment but as a precious gift to cherish.

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This post was previously published on Kanca Sastra.

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