“Main Character Energy” Trend: Your Best Way to Avoid Another Bad Dating Experience

Dating sounds like hard work lately.

With all the toxic trends (breadcrumbing, ghosting, and cookie-jarring), it’s expected that singles feel depleted. But it doesn’t mean you should give up on finding the right person.

A new dating trend called, MCE or “Main Character Energy” might be a game-changer in your love life.

A Licensed couples therapist, Gilza Fort-Martinez, said

“MCE is a new term for a classic and important emotional concept: honoring yourself first in order to step into someone else’s world more intentionally and authentically.”

If applied properly, you can have a higher chance of building a long-lasting and healthy relationship.

Here’s how you can implement it:

1. Take a step back and do a personal inventory

If you have a habit of always putting others first, this is a good time to ditch it. Prioritizing yourself first isn’t selfish and this is what this Main Character Energy trend is all about.

So before you invest your time and energy in someone else (again), let’s do what Gilza suggests as “a personal inventory”.

This simply means asking yourself some of these questions:

What do you actually like now?
What’s important to you personally?
What have you learned from past relationships that you want to keep and/or let go of?
What are your dreams and goals?

Doing this small exercise will help you reconnect with yourself and create a new standard of what kind of relationship you want to have in the future.

2. Create a list of what you want in a partner

“You get to know early if this person you’re seeing is on the same page as you or not.”

Now that you know yourself better, it’s time to focus on the ideal partner you’d like to be with. Create at least 10 lists.

But of course, it doesn’t have to be that exact number — do as many as you like.

Being clear on what you want will help you remove those time wasters. I wish I tried this earlier in the past so I could avoid some heartbreaks.

While creating a list might sound simple, many people still don’t take it seriously.

When you have your preference in mind, it’s easier to communicate with them on the first dates.

You get to know early if this person you’re seeing is on the same page as you or not.

3. Make the best out of your dating App’s features

Not all dating Apps are bad. Some of them can actually help you find the type of people you like — if you use their features right.

To get a better result, it’s crucial to be as specific as possible. One dating App called Bumble, for example, lets you put your preferences in detail by answering some questionnaires it provides.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to be so hard on yourself.

I’ve seen many people are so fixated on the idea that they need to find the “Mr/Mrs. Right” the moment they start swiping.

This approach won’t work and it causes some unnecessary stress.

4. This time, take red flags seriously

No more ignoring red flags. It’s hard to build a healthy relationship with someone who isn’t 100% with you.

If they tell you they don’t want a serious relationship yet that’s all you want, then it’s better to end things early.

As Gilza added,

“We tend to overlook or rationalize red flags when falling in love, including lying, love bombing, and frustration tolerance, among others.”

If you don’t think you’re confident enough to stay your ground, it doesn’t hurt to seek support from those you’re close with.

This way you’ll feel stronger to walk away the moment you see alarming red flags.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask hard questions in the early stage of dating

Singles usually feel bad to ask hard questions because they think it’s too “early” and they’re afraid their potential date will see it as aggressive behavior.

But if you ask respectfully enough, it might be the best thing you can do to save yourself and the other person’s time.

Questions like, what’s their life goal? Will they want to settle down later in life? How about kids?

Relationships in general are hard.

If you are with someone who isn’t compatible with you, you’ll end up sacrificing a lot. This, of course, doesn’t align with the Main Character Energy trend you’re trying to do.

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How to improve your self-esteem after a bad online dating experience?

It’s no doubt that rejection can shake your confidence and make you feel worthless.

You might think there’s no point in trying to find love anymore because it’s going to give you another heartbreak anyway.

But as Dr. Bre, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) stated,

“A bad dating experience has nothing to do with who you are. It’s just information that gives you the ability to adjust as needed. It’s just dating; your self-worth is not up for debate.”

That’s why it’s important to implement this “Main Character Energy” as part of your new self-care exercise this year. It’s time to put the focus back into yourself.

Rushing into the dating pool might not be a good idea because it just adds layers to your grief.

Healing takes time and singles tend to have FOMO (fear of missing out) if they don’t start swiping again on Dating Apps.

But it only creates more chances for them to meet the wrong person.

You don’t want to keep repeating the same mistake over and over again. You still got time to find love and build a healthy long-lasting relationship with them.

But first, let’s work on filling up your cup and loving yourself better. After all, you can’t fully love somebody if your cup is empty.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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