There’s a common theme in the dating community today. No one seems happy.
We examine the counterpart in our dating dynamics and have a laundry list of where they could improve.
Well, that’s how it started.
Now, I see people cast their views to be “true” over a whole gender or subset of society.
Wild.
I think it’s crucial to look in the mirror and think about what we can do better as individuals to understand dating with a different approach.
While we think about what is failing in our partnerships, people place personal accountability at the bottom.
Where did you go wrong?
How can you reshape your approach for a better outcome?
Most importantly, why haven’t you got what you want?
Reframing your mindset is at the center of change you want to exist in your life.
Before you continue, I need you to know the type of writer I am.
It’s not that Disney fairytale, manifest it, and you’ll know when you know, or you’re so special, junk.
We put in the work over here.
When you put in the work and become unforgiving about the path you want to pave moving forward, then you’ll learn what dating with intention is about.
No, this is not some tutorial on becoming stone-cold. It’s a guide to move forward and achieve your goals.
Set the table
How often do you think about your goals in life?
Maybe it is a physique you want or a salary you would like.
Why do you want it?
I ask because we are not honest about why we want the things we long for.
Sure, you want to get in shape and live a healthy lifestyle.
You also want to pose for that photo on the beach while your ass looks great in a bikini. Or you have a chest with shoulders and abs you’ve been working on.
I say that jokingly, but the first step in dating with intention is to define what you want and why you want it.
You get stuck in dead-end dating cycles and relationships because you go for what you’re “supposed” to want rather than what satisfies you.
When you put the why behind what you are looking for, it will turn into a goal rather than something you are chasing.
You should know why you are looking for the type of person you are targeting.
It sounds easy, but most people can’t answer the “why” behind their desire for an outcome. They just want it.
What you will find is that people’s wants come from an area of lack. They want the outcome from something that was missing early in their life.
That is not a great position to have a positive future.
Dating with intention produces direction, purpose, and positive energy behind your goal.
Mise en place
One thing that gets on my nerves when I talk to people about their dating troubles is the “take me as I am attitude.”
My most popular article, If you hear this phrase, stop pursuing a relationship with someone, explains why this is a recipe for disaster.
What you are telling the world is that you don’t have to put in the work, and you get to get the same results as someone who is making the proper changes.
Nope, none of that over here.
When you are dealing with intention, you know the changes you need to make and the action that is required to complete them.
Dating with intention means that you can look in the mirror and make changes without guilt or shame.
People don’t like to admit where they can improve because it goes against the model of perfection. Again, the “take me as I am attitude.”
The ultimate selfless act that results from dating with intention prepares you for the person you are waiting to meet.
Dating with intention converts your mindset. You understand that you are not a model of perfection and that there is room for growth.
Not growth where “I’ll wait for tomorrow” or “I’ll wait for this to be in place.” No, right now.
The golden ticket
Do you know why the dating market sucks? Because people go out into the market thinking that it sucks.
What do you think casting that energy into the market does?
The truth is that people who talk like that do not have a plan for entering the dating market. They just want to date and get back out there.
Get out of here with that mess.
Dating with intention provides values, needs, boundaries, and non-negotiables.
Do you know what else it does?
It kills the draining feeling when you don’t meet someone who matches those standards.
You learn to walk away peacefully.
Not this new age form of walking away where you ghost someone with no explanation.
When you date with intention, you know what is a good match for you and what won’t work.
There is no need to be frustrated or look at someone as if “they suck.” You know that they are not for you. No harm, no foul.
When you know what you are looking for, you will see someone for the values and positives that they possess and understand it does not fit what you need.
No, sighing on date after date, hoping they will transform overnight.
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Do you have a question or a story you want to share with me? Reach out to me on Instagram for a free coaching session. Here.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Daniel J. Schwarz on Unsplash
