Men: 3 Fears You Must Eliminate to Have Success With Women

I notice something in the dating market when I talk to men and help them through their hurdles.

I used to think that men were struggling with things they were unaware of and didn’t know they had to apply for success.

My mentality has completely changed. Men are fully aware but fearful to apply the proper changes.

I talk to guys who ask me, “How do I do X, or what happens when she does Y?”

I am not making fun of you, but we are about to kill all that negative energy.

Once you eliminate the fear, dating becomes easy.

It becomes so easy you will facepalm at the notion that you struggled with women.

No, this is not one of those pickup artist articles where I give you manipulative methods to win with women.

You’ll learn a set of rules to apply so the next time you feel frozen and stuck in between options, you know what to do.

The rules apply across all formats: cold approaches, first dates, talking phase, and long-term relationships.

Chest full of air

Men, this one is on you.

Do you know how often I talk to guys, and the guy sees someone they want to talk to or are in the talking phase with someone they are dating, and they ask, “What do I say?”

We are about to eliminate that thought right now.

There is something that women are repeatedly telling you. They like confidence.

Confidence in a woman’s eyes is not the same way you see it.

The confidence a woman wants to feel is not necessarily that mysterious guy approaching them from across the room with the perfect opening line.

Confidence to a woman is a man who can approach her and alleviate any concern that the interaction will be awkward. Women like to feel comfortable.

For example, why do you think women like funny guys? They can strip the layer of protection a woman has to put off to fend against the creepy guys.

No, I can’t turn you into a comedian overnight, but I can teach you how to kill that feeling of “what do I say.”

Here is the golden rule:

There is a way to say what you want without mentioning what you intend to say.

The ball must always be in her court.

What Tunde?

You see the pretty girl in the gym but don’t know what to say.

You intend to say: You’re gorgeous, and I need to know your name.

But

You say: Hey, what’s that workout you were doing? I have a horrible lower back, and that looked like something I should try.

You are going to pick up the signals in her reply. 99% of the time, she will have no problem telling you, but you can build the conversation from there.

The ball is in her court to show you her interest level. General conversation or romantic interest.

You also kill that feeling of generating the following “line.”

If she doesn’t show interest, “thanks,” and you’re out of there. KILL THE FEAR. BALL IN HER COURT.

There is something that causes men so much fear and anxiety.

For some reason, they are worried about the unknown. They must know if a girl is interested in them, what other guys are in the picture, and “what the signs mean.”

Do you know what I tell men in response? WHO CARES. LET THEM GO.

Women are going to throw tests at you whether they are conscious or not.

These aren’t some vindictive, manipulative tests. (Before yall go lighting up my comments)

Women have to weed out the men who are needy, overbearing, and jumping through hoops to impress them.

Do you want to know whose left after she sifts through those guys?

The man she ends up with.

Have you ever mentioned how long it takes a girl to text you back? You lost.

Can you think of a time you got jealous? You lost.

It might be something you can’t get off your mind, but the second you show that it causes you to lose frame, you will appear weak.

When you don’t have enough hobbies, interests, and options in life, your focus is women.

You kill the fear by eliminating the need.

Fear comes from scarcity and lack.

If you can’t walk away from a situation that does not serve you to the point where you have to question it, you will continue to lose.

Learn to walk away.

Mismatch socks

The last point infuriates me the most.

Do you know how often I see men (and women) pour energy into someone who can’t reciprocate?

I don’t care if it is your first date or a 3-year relationship; the energy has to match.

I do not mean day-to-day, but I see men prioritize and overvalue women and make grand efforts to keep them around.

I know you want that girl to like you so badly.

Lose the fear of resisting going over the top to impress and attain her.

That does not mean you don’t make her feel special and cared for.

You cannot stay consistent with all the extra displays you make to get her attention.

You can stay consistent with being a man with good values, morals, behaviors, and displays of affection.

If you cannot win her over with that, then you never had her in the first place.

She cannot match that energy consistently if you are going too far above and beyond.

Now, you’re coming to me with a laundry list of actions you’ve done but didn’t get the result you wanted.

Relax.

You are making it harder than it has to be.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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