Many people like to fly blind when it comes to building attraction. Then there are the dating life “purists” who attest that they need things to be organic. I actually believe you can do both. I think you can learn the very basics of what builds attraction and then blend that with your natural personality. The two blended can be an incredible one-two punch and something that everyone should consider adding to their dating arsenal.
I promise you that if you can start by mastering these skills in these five steps, you will notice a change in your dating and romantic life. But you’ve got to start using them today!
1. Say their name2
A lot more than a Destiny’s Child song. Saying someone’s name in reference to something or in conversation is a huge attraction builder.
Confused?
Think about a time someone on a date has said your name a few times? How did it make you feel? Ya, see? Saying someone’s name says a lot about your personality. It says you’re considerate and have small attention to detail that makes the person feel included in your life. Even if it’s the space of a one-hour date. It show’s that you’re a good listener and it show’s that your interested. Saying someone’s name immediately opens them up to falling into actively listening to you. When you say someone’s name on a first date, they’ll remember how they felt when you said it. There are so many people who go on first dates and still do not feel seen. Saying someone’s name gives them a powerful indicator of acknowledgment. Saying someone’s name on a first date means you’re confirming decades’ worth of identity and personality building. It seems like such a small thing but it’s very effective.
A person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language.” — Dale Carnegie.
Try this. Whenever you go out with friends, spend time with family or a group of people. Listen carefully to the person who addresses everyone by their name. How are they perceived? How do they interact with the group? Guarantee you this person is one of the most charming in the room.
Say their name. It will build attraction.
2. Ask them for their opinion on something
When you want to build attraction, ask for their opinion on something. This builds an extra step of trust. It show’s them that you respect their wisdom, and you see them to be intelligent without you even having to say that exact phrase.
It includes them and allows a small facet of them to be involved in the decision-making process of your life. When you tell someone about yourself and go on about all the things that make you great. This is not a participating or engaging exercise. But when you ask someone an opinion, now you’re both solving a fun problem, and they become participators. It show’s that you’re willing to let them in with something that you need some help on. Situations like this are very powerful. If done correctly, somewhere within the first date, they might very well ask for your opinion on something, too, and the seeds of reciprocity have begun. People love giving opinions. Hellooo social media, anyone? Opinions are very much like assholes. Everyone has them. So ask for theirs. Get them involved and show them that you’re willing to share.
Asking for advice politely strokes a person’s ego and gives them a compliment without them even realizing what’s just transpired.
3. Eye contact
Yes, I know. I’ve buried this one and beat a dead horse to a point where it’s risen from the dead, only for me to beat it again. But I’ll never stop lamenting about it cause it’s such a powerful tool.
Eye contact. If done correctly, you can have someone become slowly attracted to you. It’s one of the oldest seduction techniques in the book for a reason. Looking into someone’s eyes is a way to their soul and should never be skipped. But don’t go crazy eyes on them or be intimidating with it. It should be used in moments of intense conversation.
Moments when you’re talking about your passions, your desires, and things you feel very strongly about. This increases that moment and gives your conversations some real and genuine meaning. This is what dating is about. This is what you want.
4. Sincere compliments.
For example, men who have massive muscles and go to the gym know they have massive muscles. So you could compliment them on that. But it has no bearing on how they’ve interacted with you. Unless they interact with their biceps. Or telling a woman how gorgeous she is. Has nothing to do with the interaction.
You can say these things for sure. But only after some time has gone by when you’ve sincerely gotten to know them. Otherwise, all those compliments fall on deaf ears. Remember, on a first date; you want to make an impression. This means you want to be different than most other people.
You can do this by expressing how much you admire their viewpoint on things. Or how passionate they are about their job or the courage it took them to start their own business or the empathy and love they have to be a single parent. There are a host more compliments you can give them. But this all requires active listening and a sincere appreciation for who they are as a PERSON. Not who they are as an object.
5. Smile
Again, you already know this. But I’m just reminding you. A smile is something you have to do. Smile in laughter, smile in agreement, smile in confusion. Make sure you’re body language demonstrates that you want to be there! A smiling face activates the brain’s orbitofrontal cortex. So people are naturally more excited and comfortable when you smile. This is such an easy attraction builder. But it must be used in a way that’s authentic. Don’t sit there smiling like a figure skater doing a routine or a creepy Cheshire cat. But smile because you’re happy to be there.
Here’s part one. If this worked for you. Let me know in the comments. First dates matter!
I would wish you all luck, but I know most of you don’t need it.
Thanks for reading.
-T.H.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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