What Happens When She’s Ready to Get Married and He’s Not?

Of all the pressures in the world. The pressure of getting married is almost unbearable for anyone past the so-called appointed time.

You wouldn’t know this if you are not from a tradition demanding timely actions.

Folks who can relate would agree that sometimes the pressure is two-phased;

When will you get married?
When will you have kids?

For my cousin, hers was demoralizing. She had to do something about it. And it makes me ask the question.

What happens when she is ready and he is not?

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A Sudden Loss of Hope from The Hopeful

Nothing hurts me like seeing a promising person lose all confidence. A scenario when your confidant loses all the hope she has.

For my cousin, the push from the family for her to get married was questionable.

Especially for a girl child who was never allowed the privilege to have a boyfriend when her friends did. A girl who faced a straining curfew, which prevented her from experiencing love at the most fragile level.

It took a while for me to comprehend the sudden push for her to get married immediately before 30.

This meant she had to get a man. And real quick, too. She did it in less than 3 months. In hindsight, she had a man already, although she was never bold enough to present him to her folks.

Now, it’s a must. It suddenly became paramount. It did happen. She got married to him amidst the pressure. “She had to do it,”… so she said.

But it only meant that;

She would have to fall deeply in love in marriage.
She would have to experience courtship in marriage.
She would have to suffer the inexperience of some regular courting disagreements in marriage.

Days before the wedding. I could see her losing hope. I saw the hopeful lose hope. There is a chance he is her prince charming. But not having the time to date confidently before marriage was a turnoff.

She was ready, and he was not. But he followed suit.

For my Friend — She Made Him Discover Himself, Yet Let Him Be

“Sometimes bad things have to happen before good things can.”
― Becca Fitzpatrick

This is a quote I would have never agreed to use. But this time, it fits the scenario.

Once, my friend’s girl started getting pressured by her family. She increased the heat and waved it on him.

At the time, he had just concluded his first degree.

He was scared to a fault. He had no financial or moral confidence to be a married man. He had never envisioned it even to take place in the next 2 years.

I could remember them having disagreements;

She compared him to other guys she knew.
She made remarks about him being a late bloomer.
She disregarded all his achievements then and stated he wasn’t worthy of being a man.

But the fact is that he genuinely wasn’t a man at the time.

Surprisingly, he was fueled by her push and constant negative remarks. He got working on himself and redesigned himself. The results weren’t feasible then, but one could sense he was up to some significant wins.

Even with all of these notable changes. She never waited. She left him hanging for a better-prepared man.

She is happily married now. But seldomly highlights what she misses about him.

To End With

I’m not a marriage expert, but I’m in a state of mind and constantly getting pressured by my society.

Now! More than one thing can happen when she is ready, and he is not.

She could fall into the hands of pressure and make the wrong decisions, or she could help channel the efforts to make him a better person.

In all of these, the ability to personally manage such societal pressure will be the uttermost solution.

For this reason, here are 4 ways to handle such pressure;

Ensure your partner knows the pressure you face as they build up.
Confirm your partner is fully committed and ready.
Test commitment levels through actions like living together.
Restate your views about marriage and compare them to the level of pressure you face.

Takeaways

Experiencing the push to get married without the privilege of dating can lead to a loss of hope and confidence.
The sudden necessity to marry can force individuals into relationships without adequate time for courtship.
Pressure from external expectations can motivate personal growth, though it may not always result in maintaining relationships.

PS: Many women today are pressured to marry when they are not ready. This sends many of them into a never-ending tunnel of silent regrets.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

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The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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