My Daughter Told Me the Real Meaning of Valentine’s Day Yesterday Morning

As I enjoyed breakfast with my two favorite valentines, my 12-year-old summed up perfectly what it’s like to be without a partner on this exclusive, commercialized holiday.

“Valentine’s day is just a reminder to all the singles that they’ll be alone forever, with no one to love them and they’ll die alone.” She smirked, face brimming with sarcasm. I replied with confidence that I didn’t feel that way. However, our society does try to make us single folks feel inadequate, especially on Valentine’s Day.

I walked into Trader Joe’s yesterday at 9 AM, thinking how lucky I arrived so early. I had to navigate a crowd near the flower arrangements, pastries, and produce to get my usual raspberries, tortillas, and beans for my solitary burrito lunches. Once it dawned on me that they were V-Day shoppers, I noticed people scrambling for a dozen roses, fresh linguini with crème freche, champagne, and heart-shaped chocolate ganache cake.

I chatted with a married friend who works there and also has two kids, reflecting on the unexpected crowd. I steered the conversation toward what our kids planned for the holiday. I realized how it’s evolved to include families celebrating love. I didn’t ask him what special event he had planned for his wife. I expect that a holiday won’t change the way they express their love for one another in big and small ways every day.

These days, at least for parents, valentines include our kids, who get excited about cards, parties, and candy. My youngest, who’s eight, even tried on a fancy dress the other day. They planned what they’d wear, down to the heart sweater and earrings.

They made valentines days ago for all their classmates and one of the janitors at their school. They captured the essence, the true meaning of what I prefer to call “Love Day.”

Even when I think of being single for what feels like forever, I don’t consider it a loss.

I have family, friends, and children I love and want to spend time with them. I’m not alone, nor am I lonely. Being single doesn’t mean we have a deficit. I’m not broken, and I’m far from miserable. That’s not to say I wouldn’t appreciate a special someone in my life to call a Valentine. Honestly, today is theoretically my favorite holiday. I mean, who doesn’t love love?

But not having one isn’t a reflection on my character, nor does it predict my fate as a lonely old woman. We all die alone, anyway. Once we leave our bodies, we’re done. No other human will change that.

We market Valentine’s Day as if we ought to make it our goal to find someone to possess. Will you be mine? The cards plead. I don’t want anyone to be mine, and I don’t want someone to claim me as theirs. In the event that I find a sweetheart again before I die (and yes, it will be an event), I vow to create and maintain an equitable partnership.

For now, I choose not to focus on finding a special someone but prioritize gratitude for the people who are already in my life, like my two beautiful children and three adorable feline companions. I hope they feel how much I love them.

As usual, I have no solid plans to celebrate. My oldest hinted at a big bag of Hershey’s kisses. The last time I bought them on a holiday, they cost a whopping $10. I know I can’t buy her love, but she does love chocolate. My youngest is satisfied with a handmade card. My cats had tuna fish for breakfast and snuggles, as always.

Perhaps my tiny Valentines are easier to please than a spouse. Not that I would know since I haven’t had one of those, either. Perhaps I’ll die an old, wise spinster cat lady in the end. And you know what? I’m okay with that.

If you’re alone this year, remember that my brilliant daughter was pointing out media-driven absurdities with her dry sense of humor. She knew what she was saying was ridiculous. If only some of us were as refreshingly aware in our tender years.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone. May you celebrate however and with whoever you choose.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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