The other day, while perusing through my recommendations, I stumbled upon a harrowing story about one woman’s experiences post-divorce that left me feeling frustrated, and not necessarily because of the hardships she was experiencing, of which I empathize deeply, but more with how she could have easily avoided most of her problems by simply getting a damn prenuptial agreement.
You can read her story here: “Since My Divorce, My Life Has Gone to Hell.”
My aim in writing this piece is not to defame or criticize the author but rather to inform fellow readers about the potential pitfalls of marriage.
While few, if anyone, ever gets married anticipating a divorce is going to loom over the horizon, divorce still remains an inevitability for a good portion of the population.
Personally, I have never gone through a divorce. But I have seen firsthand the destructive effects it can have on the mental, psychological, and emotional well-being of those involved.
I saw how it left my dad an empty husk of a man after my mom cleaned him out financially. I witnessed my aunts, who were at one point flourishing hopeful individuals, fall into destitution once their husbands left.
So it behooves anyone intending to get hitched to get a prenup, or at the very least, have a thorough conversation about marital breakups.
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There is no good reason not to get one
Prenups are relatively straightforward but legally binding agreements signed by couples before marriage, stating what should transpire after divorce or death.
They don’t always have to be done before marriage; similar agreements can still be made even years into the marriage in what is termed a postnup.
The purpose of a prenup is to ensure you and your partner are on the same page should the worst happen. You both can stipulate in as much or as little detail how assets and property get divided. You can also state who gets to receive spousal support or make provisions related to inheritance. The only thing you cannot do, at least in the States and the UK is state anything to do with child support, visitation and custody. That’s for the courts to decide in what they call a “best interest of the child” standard.
Having all this in written form will save you a ton of headaches during the divorce proceedings. Instead of bickering endlessly about who gets and does what, a prenup essentially acts as a framework or guide that you and your spouse must adhere to unless the courts find a justifiable reason not to.
Now, had the author from the story I highlighted earlier done this, I’m certain most of her problems regarding her financial difficulties could have been, at worst, minimized and at best eliminated, barring aside any of the emotional turmoil that’s unavoidable when separating, of course.
She could have stipulated that the lifestyle she had become accustomed to stayed the same until she got back on her feet. Maybe instead of moving into the microscopic house post-divorce, the husband could be the one to move out considering he sounds like the breadwinner. Whatever it is, something could have been done to ensure she has ongoing support.
People often don’t realize prenups are not only for those looking to protect their assets; homemakers can benefit too. They can ensure that all the years spent toiling away, sacrificing their careers to care for the kids and household, weren’t for naught. At least they can have it in writing so the higher-earning spouse doesn’t leave them destitute, starting from zero with nothing.
It boggles my mind why women (or men) who depend on their husbands (or wives) do not push to have the division of assets solidified and made clear; anything but makes no sense to me. You have to remember that while there are laws governing divorce, those laws might not always work in preventing one spouse from exploiting their greater financial power. A prenup can help bring balance to that.
Even if you both plan on an egalitarian “I will keep what’s mine and you keep what’s yours,” putting it in writing can be helpful as you never know what the future holds.
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Most people’s apprehension is unwarranted
I understand some people might have reservations about prenups; it doesn’t sound romantic, and the process of doing one has a transactional vibe to it.
But the real world is not a fairy-tale.
Although having these romanticized ideals about marriage might feel good, I can guarantee you, if things do go south, which more often than not they will considering the high divorce rates, you are going to wish you had one.
I liken having a prenup to having insurance.
You don’t buy insurance because you want to get into a pickle; you buy it just in case you do. You could very well go through life without it and possibly never get into a situation where you need it, but why take the risk? No matter how careful you are, shit still happens
Another contention I have heard some people say is, “Well, what if we make a prenup and have a change of heart in the future?”
The great thing about prenups is that, so long as there is agreement between both parties, they can be modified or even nullified at any time.
But prenups don’t hold up in court
I have also noticed there is a group of people within the relationship and dating advice for men discourse who spread a false narrative about how prenups get thrown out by the courts willy-nilly.
The reality couldn’t be further from the truth.
According to the American Bar Association and the Law Society of England and Wales, prenups, do in fact, hold up in court relatively well. But they have to be done right. You cannot just write up a prenup on a dirty napkin without the knowledge of your partner and expect it to be enforceable. There are processes that have to be met:
- They must be fair and equitable
- There must be a full disclosure of assets from all parties involved.
- Everything must be conducted voluntarily, without coercion or duress.
- They must be carried out in accordance with the law, which may include notarization, witness signatures, and other formalities.
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In closing
So there you have it. These are some of the reasons why getting a prenup is one of the most sensible decisions you will ever make if you intend to get married.
However, it’s crucial to state nothing within this article constitutes legal advice; I’m just offering general information and insights based on my understanding.
When deciding to do anything that involves legal contracts, marriage, or otherwise, it’s always best to consult a lawyer or notary public who can better guide you through the process so you can make an informed decision suitable to your circumstances.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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