Yep, like the magazines you found hidden in your Uncle’s sock drawer, but with a hashtag in place of the O.
What is the song about you might ask?
GREAT FREAKING QUESTION. And one I’ve been asking myself since I wrote it last year.
Rewind: when I wrote the song it came to me in a flash. By a “flash” I mean I was up late one night tossing and turning. Every facet of my life and every item from my to-do list for the next ten years buzzing through my mind (this happens to me once a month or so).
At about midnight, a melody popped into my head. Then words started attaching themselves to the melody.
And about fifteen minutes later, the song was fully written. Song structure, chords, melodies and full lyrics from beginning to end.
Not only that, but the lyrics that I wrote that night wound up being the ones that I sang in the recording. So the song was fully formed and birthed within about twenty minutes.
This is extremely rare for me.
Typically, with a song I receive the melody quickly. The song structure and the lyrics then take time to figure out. Anywhere from a few hours to a few months.
That being said, once or twice I have had the experience with P#RN where it just came to me fully formed and fleshed out in a burst of inspiration.
It happened with my song High Like This a few years back. And that song – I think – was maybe my deepest and most honest song that I had written at the time.
Basically, I see that experience as a positive sign.
I’m hoping you can relate to this on some level – whether you’re a songwriter or not. Whatever your favorite medium of creation is: writing; yoga; cooking; building; jazzercise…
There are moments where I feel deeply inspired to say SOMETHING.
But I couldn’t quite figure it out. (weird because I wrote the song, right?)
Something inside of me said there’s something else or something more to this song than the title implies.
When I chose the spelling of the title and replaced the O with the hashtag – that was another clue. The title – P#RN – was code for…something…
Code for what though?
Well, let’s look at the lyrics and see if that might help us get to the bottom of this puzzle…
The song starts:
“Staring at my screen like an idiot,
Think I’ll watch another video,
What if I was the president,
I’d build a wall and let you stare at it…”
Hmmm, this gave me some idea of themes and a world I was creating/interpreting. Themes of screens (phones; social media, etc…) and of a president who wants to build giant walls (crazy concept right?).
Screens. Walls. Authority figures using…
I feel like we’re getting warmer. But I’m still a little confused.
Let’s fast forward to the chorus. That’s usually a good place to discover the main thrust (no pun intended) of a song:
“I’ve been treating my depression with P#RN
Pouring gasoline on the day that I was born
And I’ve been feeding my addiction with MORE
Dreaming of the day that I could have it all”
More themes: depression; addiction; loss of innocence; escapism. Are we getting closer??
Let’s check out verse two (my personal favorite I think):
“Got crippling anxiety,
In a narcissistic ass society,
Spending all day on my mobile phone,
Till I get kicked out of my mobile home,
It’s an existential,
Crisis of potential
Who will I be and what will I do,
Who will do me and who will I do?”
More themes: anxiety and isolation and poverty (literal and spiritual) exacerbated by over-use of technology and social media. Grass is greener mindset; comparison; escapism…
Are we there yet?
By the way, I don’t necessarily have the answers here. This game has been useful to me because whenever I write a song I go through an exercise where I interpret it for myself.
I’m starting to have a strong sense of what this song means to me (which I will share with you in more detail next week).
But at the moment, I’m more interested in what it might mean to you.
So if you’ll do me a favor and listen to the song. And then write back to me with what you think.
I would really appreciate it.
This a group thing after all…
Song Link: https://vibe.to/avatari-porn
Ari Welkom, known on stage as Avatari, is an LA-based alt-rock singer and actor. A Harvard graduate, married father of two, and former college athlete, he practices martial arts and champions anti-bullying, equal rights, and unity on his journey of recovery. Follow him on Instagram or Twitter (X)!
See his videos on YouTube
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Photo credit: Author
